I've had problems with my ex for yrs. I posted last week about how I do the driving during his visitation weekends because if I don't, he doesn't see his kids. He loves mediation. He's tried it a few times over the years and every single time he's told how fair I am, it makes him angry and I end up with a more vandictive and bitter ex. So, after doing some investigation I found out that I can request seperate rooms for mediation. It is more difficult on the mediator but it can be done. Especially when I feel that I can't take being in the same room emotionally, when I feel he'll lie and when I feel he won't keep his word. This made me feel a lot better. BUT, mediation called back and it seems that he refuses seperate rooms and insists that we are in the same room. I was told that if I don't agree to this that they can't mediate. Then of course, they would send me a letter stating that I had refused to mediate. Because it's in my divorce papers that I need to try mediation before court so I'm stuck. That jerk got me again! He was able to dominate me and get what he wants. So, now I get to sit in mediation WITH him. I'm just frustrated.

<BR>If I were you, I`d run to the nearest lawyer, and explain your situation, and see what they have to say.. Most first time consultations are free.. and then you`ll have an idea of how to handle this.. or what your in for, if you then chose to use your own lawyer.. <P>It can`t hurt, just to ask.. and if you "have to" show up to the mediation, then just be very honest and say this is not working out for you.. and the mediaters will most likely decide for you.. <P>If your worried this is going to make you look bad to the courts/kids?.. don`t be! this is your life, and what happens right now and whats decided and written on paper, can not be changed once it`s all agreed and signed.. (well it can be changed, but it will cost you a heck of alot more to take him back to court, because you didn`t think of "this or that") <P>I have not posted for a very long time, but I have no regrets of the cost it took to get the job done, MY WAY.. I had complete control of MY OWN dicissions.. and my lawyer took care of everything.. I didn`t have to face or deal with my ex..<P>we didn`t get along at all after he left.. mostly because I was so devastated, and to this day, I think about us, and I`m still in awe over it, but have managed to move on, as well.. we both knew it wouldn`t have worked out with mediation.. (my ex wanted to go about it that way too.. but not me) and you know what we all have to do what ever it is we feel most comfortable with, and what is best for us and the kids.. <P>lots of luck to you, what ever you decide...<BR>AV

Hi Bonnie,<P>Sorry you are being pushed into a corner. I have seen where mediation startes together but then moves into seperate rooms. I would mention back to the Mediator that you really need a seperate room due to the fact that he tries to push all your buttons and you need to have your wits about you so you make educated decisions that is best for all. See what they have to say.<P>I also agree with going to a lawyer and see what they have to say. (((((Bonnie)))))))

Maybe just a modular partition between you, but the mediator can see both? If it would help <I>you</I>, it's worth mentioning to the mediators as a potential compromise.

Thanks a lot for the replies. I thought a lot about this last night. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. It's my right to request separate mediation especially for the reasons that I have already posted. Then because HE wants us in the same room I have to do it that way or they can't mediate. If they can't mediate then it's considered to be ME not willing to mediate. That doesn't seem fair. You would think if one is uncomfortable then they could/would provide separate mediation. So, when she calls me back today or tomorrow to set up a time I thought I would say "I would like documentation from your services that I requested separate mediation because of past verbal abuse and harassment from the ex and was told by you that because he insists that we are in the same room I have to do it that way or you'll state that I was unwilling". Then if we have to do it that way I will only look at the mediators, stay business like and state my facts. Two years ago when we did this I agreed to even more visitation then the courts allowed. He turns around and goes two years without seeing the kids! If he strays from the subject on hand I'll remind the mediators that I'm only willing to mediate the scheduled agenda and if he can't stay on course I'll leave. At this point I am unwilling to give him anymore then what our divorce papers state. I've spent the last 4 years giving and it only seems to make him angry. I'm done.