<BR>I've known my BF since junior high (old friend not old flame), but we hadn't been in contact since high school until just before H and I separated in December. (Blame classmates.com for that one - he initiated contact!) I met with him a couple of times in December, just as friends, because I needed someone to talk to, and to get out of the house. I had no idea there would be an attraction there.<P>The emotional relationship started just a day before I moved out - and a day ~after~ my H had filled out his D complaint ... which I didn't find out about until two days after I moved out, but that's another story. I didn't find out about his ongoing email/chat EA (PA?) until after that, either.<P>Anyway, despite knowing I shouldn't, and thinking I wouldn't; I've been in a physical relationship since January. Well, it took me a few months, but I realized this past weekend that I had to bring an abrupt end to the physical part of the relationship. At the very least, until the D is final.<P>Why? Part of the reason is that I keep thinking of John 8:1-11 and how Jesus forgave the adultress ~but~ also commanded that she 'sin no more' ... it just isn't any fun to sit in church squirming in my seat. I don't want to be one of those people who profess to believe in God and Jesus and the Bible, and then sin all I want all week long because I'll be forgiven if I ask to be.<P>I told my BF and he is very supportive. (Why should this surprise me so?) However, I don't have any faith in myself. There is a strong physical attraction and I don't know if my willpower is stronger. I've always had a weakness for ... a considerate man. And he's a wonderful friend who will still be a very integral part of my life, so that temptation will always be there. (I'm not really well known for choosing the hard road over the easy one. Hey, I stayed with an abusive person for years because it seemed so much easier than leaving. I've got a pattern established.)<P>And reason two, I have a tendency to give and receive love through sex, and not really know how else to express my love or 'feel' loved (finally 'fessed up to this with my psychologist). That has been an issue I've neglected to deal with since I was a teen and continuing through my marriage. I'm quietly concerned that the BF will leave if I neglect that 'duty' despite his profession of a love that goes far beyond the physical, and I dread the absence of that 'connection' in my life. I keep thinking, it's only a few months. Several very long months! So a few extra prayers for me won't hurt. ;^)<P>T-L-C <BR>(now where is the chocolate??!!)<BR>

(((((TLC)))))<P>I respect what your doing and think it was nice to see such an honest post. It's hard to have willpower sometimes, but I think you made a good choice. If it's going to work between you guys, then it will work and you'll get thru this. There are a lot of people that say sex isn't everything in a relationship, and its not. But its still a part of that, and we're painfully aware of that when our WS leaves, many times for a reason to do with sex!<P>You can do it, You can do it!!<P>Hey, you can show love by a lot of ways. Cook him dinner. Send him a card. Write him a poem. Dedicate a song to be "your" song as a couple and dance to it everytime you hear it! Give him a backrub (if you can hold your willpower!). Take a long walk together holding hands. And he will show you love with similar things and how he supports you at this time.<P>I went thru something similar where I feared a relationship was hard to define because of sex. So as scary as it was, that got cut out of the picture for a bit and we continued to grow as a couple and individuals and our feelings remained. When we returned to "the way things were", they were better than ever. <P>Someone sent me a poem at valentine's day about 101 ways to show love, it was from someone on MB I think who passed it around. I'll see if I can find it.<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by T-L-C:<BR><B>Why? Part of the reason is that I keep thinking of John 8:1-11 and how Jesus forgave the adultress ~but~ also commanded that she 'sin no more' ... it just isn't any fun to sit in church squirming in my seat. I don't want to be one of those people who profess to believe in God and Jesus and the Bible, and then sin all I want all week long because I'll be forgiven if I ask to be.<P>I told my BF and he is very supportive. (Why should this surprise me so?) </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi TLC,<P>May I suggest that you go back and read that passage again? One of the great puzzlements to me has always been the Pharasees ability to catch her in the act of doing IT. <B>What, was she doing this all by herself?</B> Where is the guy she did IT with? They claimed that the law of Moses commanded them to put her to the stone, but Deuteronomy makes it very clear that both the man and the woman caught doing IT were to be stoned to death. Yet these clowns brought only her, so they were committing an even greater sin than hers! When Jesus commanded: "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone!", beginning with the elders, they all walked away. <P>Well, now you know why they threw me out of Bible study class. There are some people in this world that know when to shut up. I'm not one of them.<P>It just seems to me that if we really believe that Jesus forgives us, maybe we need to forgive ourselves too. What else can your friend do but support you?<P>Bumper <P>

This past summer I was dating someone and we ended up with the clothes on the floor way too soon. And it was nearly impossible to stop. When he brought me home after a date, he wouldn't come inside. Or at least those were his intentions. Anyway, at his insistence, we quit seeing each other. Because it was too hard to keep our clothes on and it was too hard to continue in so much guilt.<P>I hope you and your BF can muster more strength than we did. But you know, even though I know what I did was not God-sanctioned and I do feel forgiven for it, I wouldn't take anything for it. After years with a h who wasn't very interested in sex, it was a very emotionally healing experience. Just not very spiritually healing.<P>It's awfully hard to forgive ourselves, isn't it?

TLC<P>Thank you for your honest post. I am struggling with very similar issues. Although I haven't gone as "far", I have come kind of close, knowing I would only go "so far". It sounds like I am talking in code.<P>I don't want to become a hypocrite. I am realizing that sex is not the only way to feel and express love (like you, I have that same issues). <P>I told this man, that not only am I not ready to go any further, but I even want to take a step back. He said he would wait as long as it takes (that's a whole other issue) But at least I spoke up and was honest.<P>I too don't want to lose that "connection" in my life, as sex has always been such a wonderful part of living (I was with my husband for 13yrs.). I will pray for you (& me too) that we have the will power to do what is right. For me "what is right" is confusing.<P>Hang in there, believe me, I know how tough it is!!!<BR> <P>Petrie<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bumperii:<BR><B>May I suggest that you go back and read that passage again? One of the great puzzlements to me has always been the Pharasees ability to catch her in the act of doing IT. What, was she doing this all by herself?</B> Where is the guy she did IT with?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>While building up my resolve to go through with it, and figuring out how to tell my BF about it, I did a few Internet searches and found some interesting theories.<P>She was definitely set up - to be 'caught in the act' - not releasing her from any blame in what she did, but it was clear that she was just a pawn in a scheme.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by DanaB:<BR><B>You can do it, You can do it!!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>One week down, five months to go ...<P>Well, at least I haven't already reached the ''what made me think I could do this'' stage ... I'm sure that's coming in a few weeks ... :-/

TLC,<P>Just think of it as 5 months of foreplay!!!! At least you have the light at the end of the tunnel in sight! A lot of us here are only beginning the long road and have no idea how long we will have to wait. YIKES