(Also posted to infidelity forum)<br>Well, another month has gone and still there has been no real progress. I still don't know<br>whether my H will want us to try again or not. <br>We have been communicating by email, and seeing each other occasionally, but he has<br>been so busy at work, I haven't wanted to push him too much.<br>Here are some extracts from his emails to me. Does this sound like a man who is seriously<br>considering trying again?<p>"I am trying to remove the negative feelings that have built up over the last 6 months. <br>I have a rather lonely life at the moment. I guess it is a form of penance. However, I<br>have been impressed with how your strength has grown now we have really put some space between us."<p> "The space is working. You need to become a normal person. When we were together you withdrew so much both from me and the world. I have been doing much perspective taking in the time apart. I currently do not feel ready to start again, but that is not what you want. You want a slow incremental thing. Currently I feel the need for more space. I<br> do not know how you feel, but I guess you are now starting to enjoy your life, the space is enabling you to grow, but you do not want to put your life on hold. It is difficult." <p> I then went on to ask him about why he feels he needs 'penance'.<p>The major issue I have at the moment is that <br>when I am with you I feel like s**t as a person. I have hurt you. And as far as you are concerned I am a rotten, lying, cheating b******d. When you look at me it is quite<br> often with hatred. I do not know how I can cope with this. I am trying. I DO NOT blame<br> you for the way I feel, OK. <br>I am not asking you to change your behaviour. But all I can say is that when I am by<br> myself I feel so much better. I do not mean to upset you by saying this. I am just letting you know a major concern. Last <br> night was OK, awkward, but OK. I guess part of my tiredness has been due to my<br> depression about the above. Feeling like a s**t person is not very good for one's general health."<p>He has also said things like he doubts whether we can ever recapture the love we had<br> before. I don't know how I can show him that I don't hate him, and I don't know how we can become closer when he seems to be burying himself in his work.

Bev,<p>Sounds to me like he's using this to avoid facing reality. Granted that feeling like a s**t person is not good for one's general health. But feeling that way is not supposed to be ongoing. The correct response should be something like, "Ok, I feel like such a jerk because that's exactly what I've been. Now it's time to be what I should be."<br>As soon as you start acting differently out of a sincere desire to change, you may still feel like a jerk for waht you've done, but the sincerity of your new direction dosen't allow that feeling to dominate you. It keeps it in mind as a source of humility, but the new direction actually begins to pump new life in. In my opinion (based on the experience I've gotten from my own shabby behavior) when a person dwells long on what a crappy person they are it's because they really don't want to do anything about it. I know that's not a very hopeful thing to say but I believe it is realistic. And what true hope can there be without realism?