I have only been married for two years. But I have been with him for ten years and I just can not take his drinking no more. The problem I have is............My husband is a very loving man and has never physical hurt me. I am very scared of him when he drinks. He has punched things and has threatened me many time. I have a eight year old daughter with him. I am considering a Divorce. The questions I have is where do I start? Also I am scared that when he gets the papers he is going to go out and get really drunk and come home and then who knows what will happen. I live in a double home that is owned by my Dad, so I do not plan on moving I need him to. I need to know how to get him out without him hurting anything or anyone. Like I said he has never hurt me so anybody know how to help me?? <p>[This message has been edited by poker (edited April 06, 2001).]

(((hugs)))<P>Living with an alcoholic is never easy...<P>There are several things you can do.<P>I don't want to sound alarmist, but eventually, he WILL hit you or hit your daughter. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and until the drinker gets help, he's going to get worse. You need to put your daughter first, even if you can't put yourself first.<P>You can call your local women's shelter and ask for advice. They can give you specifics about exactly what you need to do to get your H out of the house. Different states have different laws, so they will know specifically what your options are.<P>AND, call a lawyer and find out what your rights and options are in your state for legal separation and/or restraining orders. Many lawyers offer free consultations, take advantage of that, and find out what you can do for yourself. You don't have to be considering divorce to talk to a lawyer - and knowledge is power.<P>And MOST important of all - call your local Al-Anon Information Service and get a list of meetings in your area. Run, don't walk, to the nearest meeting!!! You can get a list of local numbers at the Al-Anon website: <A HREF="http://www.al-anon.org" TARGET=_blank>http://www.al-anon.org</A> <P>At an Al-Anon meeting you will find others who have been where you are at and understand like no one else does. You will have an instant support base! Be sure before you leave the meeting to get a phone list, and use it any time you need to talk to someone or need help.<P>And last but not least, post here anytime you need!<P>((hugs)) BR

Hello,<P>I was with my ex for 8 years before we married, and we split after 3 years of marriage. He was also into drinking, and drugs but not as much and I didn't know as much about it at the time.<P>I'm confused, you mentioned you don't want a divorce but he's getting "papers". <P>It is very hard to live with an alcoholic, I grew up as a child in that home and that is EVEN worse than what I endured as a girlfriend to one .<P>I think you can't help someone unless they want help. They have to admit there is some sort of problem too. Denial doesn't get them anywhere in recovery.<P>If they want help , there are plenty of places, like counseling, AA, etc. But if they don't want help, in the 2 cases I've lived thru, there was nothing that could be done, except, live with it the best I could. That and tough love, which now that I'm divorced, is equated to being controlling. <P>Bottom line, my ex finally quit it all, but then decided to quit the marriage and leave his kids on xmas, so we all paid the price after years of endurance.<P>I wish you the best, I know how hard of a situation it is.<P>Good luck, Dana<BR>

I made an error when I wrote this. I am thinking about divorce. I called a lawyer and I am meeting with her this weekend. Thanks for you advice <BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by DanaB:<BR><B>Hello,<P>I was with my ex for 8 years before we married, and we split after 3 years of marriage. He was also into drinking, and drugs but not as much and I didn't know as much about it at the time.<P>I'm confused, you mentioned you don't want a divorce but he's getting "papers". <P>It is very hard to live with an alcoholic, I grew up as a child in that home and that is EVEN worse than what I endured as a girlfriend to one .<P>I think you can't help someone unless they want help. They have to admit there is some sort of problem too. Denial doesn't get them anywhere in recovery.<P>If they want help , there are plenty of places, like counseling, AA, etc. But if they don't want help, in the 2 cases I've lived thru, there was nothing that could be done, except, live with it the best I could. That and tough love, which now that I'm divorced, is equated to being controlling. <P>Bottom line, my ex finally quit it all, but then decided to quit the marriage and leave his kids on xmas, so we all paid the price after years of endurance.<P>I wish you the best, I know how hard of a situation it is.<P>Good luck, Dana</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

As a recovering alcohloic all I can say is you need to put you first. As a recovering abuser I must say that unless some type of intervention is done the ABUSE will get worse, he may now only verbally abuse you and break things but HE will escalate you are in DANGER. Run to your nearest Alanon meeting, call your family court you may be able to get a Protection From Abuse order that would force him out of the home, and prevent contact with you for up to a year. That may be the catalyst that triggers his need to do something for himself. Recovery is possible, but he has to want it for himself, only then can he begint o get better. I know this from personal experiance, see a coupole of years into sobrety I married the most wonderful woman in the wolrd, but then I stuffed a feeling and all my old behaviours came back, I became verbally abusive and now may all but destoyed the marriage and the family that I love with all my heart. But I am getting for me because only I can break the cycle<P>