OvrCs,<P>I'll just repeat what I said before! <P>Check the divorce/separation laws in Maryland. Do NOT buy a home, even if its in your name only, without speaking to an attorney. Your H will still have rights to the house.<P>Tell him that you don't want a divorce, that you want to work on your marriage. Ask him to do some counseling with the Harleys. But moving is in HIS interest, not yours.<P>I can't possibly see in any of these posts where this move is in the best interest of your kids. In fact, it looks exactly the opposite.<P>It sounds to me like you are being bullied. And I think your H is horribly selfish. He isn't happy, so all of you have to uproot your lives so he can find happiness away from family????<P>I hope you don't do it. I suspect you'll regret it terribly - and it will hurt your kids even more.<P>Call Steve Harley for a counseling session by yourself and ask him about how to save your marriage. I'm pretty sure Steve would be dead set against this.<P>Not only that, but why would you make it EASY for your H to leave if you don't want a divorce????<P>If he wants a divorce...let him go, alone. That's the consequences of his choice. He doesn't get to have his cake and eat it too.

I suspect there is an OW in Maryland, and he wants to have his kids close by while being with her.

OvrCs,<P>Once again, I have to agree, this thread has my antennae up, there is a big piece of this puzzle missing.<P>Heaven only knows what is on husband's mind, but it just doesn't fit. Just to share my own experience, when our marriage was falling apart, the idea that my kids would be living in a house away from me tore my insides out. If you listen to the the guys that post on this board, none of us wanted to lose having our kids live with us! Losing my sons to "have a catch with", or the company of "Daddy's little girl." Please, pass the Kleenex! It is devastating to a man. I'm sure you get the idea.<P>OvrCs, you have good instincts, trust yourself!<P>Bumper

Perhaps it's time to tell him about the Policy of Joint Agreement, and that you'll be applying it ... the one area where you won't apply it is your decision now to start applying it. No enthusiastic agreement? Then nothing happens. If he wants to be in Maryland, then the way to get there is alone, or by healing your marriage.<P>The alternative is for you to stay behind where you have a support system. <P>Your state may give you a lot of power in the event of spousal abandonment. Find out what cards you hold ... OTOH, Maryland is pretty liberal ... you may have extra rights there. And it's possible the move would *delay* his ability to divorce because at least one of you will have to live in the state for X months in order to satisfy residency requirements to get in the courthouse door. <P>It's complex. You may wind up weighing competing factors against one another. But give it some serious research so that you know which way to go. And do that before you take a trip. Because you may not even want to bother taking it and getting his hopes up for getting <I>his</I> way.

Thanks all... <P>I will do some research but <B>does anyone have any online suggestions for researching legal issues</B>? I could do a search but it might be better to ask you all which resources online you've found helpful. I then will discuss with a local mediator or attorney. This really <I>really</I> sucks.<P>Had lunch with H today just to confirm his resolve... He states that in his perfect world he'd get us set up with me purchasing the home and him not providing any child-support because he wants joint legal/physical custody of the kids and then move out.<P>I told him I have real concerns because I have no support system and no secure job prospects at the moment out there. I asked, am I to willingly go and be a hitching post so that he always knows where I can be located be assured that the kids would be near when he needed them? I also asked him how he intended to interact with me - he replied only when we drop the kids off back and forth. I told him I'm not sure I could do this emotionally because I don't feel we've given our marriage a fair chance.<P>He said, "Go find someone else. I'm through. Just do what you want to do because that's what you've been doing the past 9 years anyway." <sigh> No grace... No forgiveness. He's NOT going to change his mind and I've changed my LBing behavior - my main offense was getting angry at unmet expectations... I recognize that and realize the value of the Rule of Protection - protecting those I love from myself and I have improved. But, too little too late.<P>Really suck-y day today. I'm off to a DivorceCare recovery group tonight... and had a bible study on "love" this morning. I've got to get outside of my emotions and heart on this so logically I am thinking clearly. I am just crushed when he says "You'll never change and I want out."<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once<p>[This message has been edited by OvrCs (edited April 10, 2001).]

Time for a hug.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{OvrCs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Bumper

OvrCs<P> I had such a sense of deja vu after reading your posting. I really don't have any advice to give as I am living it. My husband of 12 yrs moved out last month. He has no desire to reconcile but he won't talk about divorce either!!! He won't even say the "d" word. He assures me that he has no interest in our marriage..the only thing that hold him here are the kids. He says his perfect scenerio would be him and the kids in our house- I am out of the picture. I also have been convicted of crimes with no hope of parole. <BR> I have such empathy for you in your indecision. I regularly go back and forth deciding push or placate. It would be nice ot connect with someone who understands what this roller-coaster looks and feels like. If you want you can e-mail me @ tkettelk@ isd.net. I will pray for you!<BR>Elaine

OvrCs:<P>Online research stuff as requested!! <P>Child support calculator (very useful!!) <A HREF="http://www.marylandlawonline.com/cal/MDCSC.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marylandlawonline.com/cal/MDCSC.html</A> <P>I found <A HREF="http://www.divorcenet.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.divorcenet.com</A> and <A HREF="http://www.divorcelawinfo.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.divorcelawinfo.com</A> extremely helpful.<P>You also might want to post your situation on the forum at <A HREF="http://www.divorceonline.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.divorceonline.com/</A> <P>They are a really savvy bunch of people over there, and can smell BS a mile away. They might have some really good input for you.