STBXH is going to babysit for kids while I attend a silent auction for the school. I dread going to the event as it will be first time I go to something like this alone. I really need to be their as I'm on the commitee or I may have deferred. All my friends want me to go as well. But it is so hard to hear my peers stand around and talk about juggling their hectic schedules when all I want to do is scream....yeah well at least your husband will be their to hold you at the end of the day, at least your not going through a divorce, at least your not alone!!!!!!!<P>WOW am I going to have a great time or what? Wish I had valium or something!!!!<P>He is also looking at houses this weekend as well which makes me feel real great!! Geez glad he is finding it so easy to move on. Typical for him though this is something new and exciting and he pursues it with vigor. Hope he remembers what a hassle all the paper work was last time....ooops I forgot all he did was show up at the signing and that was enough to totally stress him out!!!!<BR>I'm just waiting for the shiny newness of the D to start wearing off.....guess I'm sorta glad that OW will be hearing the gripes and moans and not me!!!!! Ya know this is the first time I thought of that and to tell you the truth makes me feel real good. She can have his moodiness and short temper that I WILL not miss!<P>There is a case of wine up for auction, think I'll bid on it. Then I could throw a big D party! Wine, cheese and crackers anyone...

Dear HopeAZ,<P>I like White Zin. Too late at night to be spelling that out. Actually I do hope you have a nice time at the silent auction. My SIS goes to one every year and has a great time. <P>You are able to get some feelings posted here with some relief. Good. Now get a good nights sleep. See ya in the morning!!!!<P>Friday is going to be hard for me. H's payday is tomorrow and you know how that 'money machine' is. Bank tied up several hundred dollars in my checking account due to H's late truck payments (I cosigned). Funny thing, H did not get too upset(no yelling or screaming this time), he just said I could call to make arrangements after work. <P>We'll see how that goes. Let me know how the auction goes. <P>L.

Orchid,<P>A good nights sleep? What's that? Haven't had one of those in a while. Btwn my busy brain, my little boy and the cat I am managing about 4.5 hours a night!!<P>Need to get an itty bitty book light so I can read and not disturb my son. Reading is my trigger for sleep and takes my mind off other things. BTW read any good books lately (non self help types that is)? I've read enough of those in the past few weeks to last me awhile!<P>Take Care<P>

Dear HopeAZ,<P>Been doing most of my reading here. Unless you want to count the Pokemon Jhoto Journey's books. It is the rage among the boys here. Have the tape and the books. I am all Pokemon and digimon'd out. <P>I haven't really watched a good movie or gone out in a long time. Boy this WS stuff really takes up a lot of my time. I don't mind posting here and reading, it is just the dealing with the Ws and all the mental processing time. Wasting my best years on someone who doesn't care. Wake up L and smell the ....... hey, it stinks here (in my area - figuartively speaking of course), I need to get out and get a life. WS has really made a stinkin' mess and I don't want to be around cleaning it up anymore!!!!<P>How'z that for positive thinking?!?!?<P>L.<BR>

You know the BEST type of revenge you can get on your H's?<P>Live well.<P>Why is it that instead of treating ourselves gently, with the care and love that we deserve, we so hastily join our spouses in beating up on us???<P>H is a jerk - so I'm going to put myself through hell.<P>Hmmm...makes no sense, but boy, I sure was an expert at it.<P>Also, a little known secret is that it drives them NUTS when we go on with our lives and enjoy ourselves. I seriously think that the WS's need the ego stroke of seeing us torture ourselves over losing them.<P>Hopeless - by all means GO to that auction and ENJOY yourself. I know exactly how you feel - occaisionally I remind a close friend of mine to appreciate her husband when she calls me and complains about the STUPIDEST stuff about him. I really want to shake her and scream. <P>But they haven't been where you are at, so you can't really expect them to have a clue. <P>You know the best way to stop your brain from churning the endless frantic loops of misery? Listen to someone else. Go to the party, and talk to your girlfriends about them. Ask about their lives, their children, their problems. Believe me, it helps. Turn the focus off of yourself, and onto someone else for a little while.<P>And you know what? It drove my H crazy when last summer, at the height of his affair, he'd come to visit, and I'd not even bother to come say hi when he entered the house. I'd be sure to have my bedroom (my sanctuary!) all set up for an enjoyable afternoon. I'd have a couple of good movies rented, ready to pop into my DVD player (sitting in full view!), a good book to read, my candles lit, the room tidy, and then I'd be sure to be on the phone with a good friend. AND, I kept the door shut.<P>I was far to busy enjoying myself and relaxing to even NOTICE his presence, much less be upset about his abandonment. It made him nuts. He'd find half a dozen reasons to come up to the bedroom to interrupt me - just to see what I was doing! <P>Its a fun "mind game" to play!! And it really does sooth the soul. <P>((hugs)) BR<BR>

Orchid and BR,<P>You guys are so right! Just the kick in the pants I needed.<P>Just another great nights sleep. Think I may have managed 5 hours tonight!