Well guys, found a way to break into his "locked" cell phone. Found her #. Doing a internet back ground search on her now. Found out recently she is M. OH!! The lies..he said just a friend, not M no kids.<P>I worked late so this is why I am up now. I feel as if I am obsessing...I realize that it is probly normal. I feel so D*** alone in my agony.. I post here, many times w/o a response. Looking for some normalcy I suppose. <P>It would probly be easier in the long run if he just walked out. As a nurse I often have to educate people of the diff between C-sec and vaginal. I've had both. Vag hurts like no other hell on earth BUT it comes, then comes this truely miraculous event, then you go on to enjoy your new life. C-sec on the other hand comes with min. pain, then the birth, but following is a long recovery for mom filled with pain and healing for herself.<P>Compare this to a quick painful sep/divorce to living with the spouse for six months after the rev of rejection and the OW.<P><BR>I still live with him. He asked me the other day if we could have sex every day till I leave in June. Makes love to me like a teenage boy. This is why I cannot cont. to live "as partners" for 2 more years while he finishes school. Yadda, yadda, sure, it would be better finances, easier for the kids, I get to live with him for that much longer. But to have the inev. hangin over my head!!!<P>The ONLY release of frustration is to go. I have loved, pleaded, begged, apologized, plan A'd my friggen heart out. ONly response is occ. sex. (As a woman I do see that as a response, not just a f***.) Now, telling him I am moving back to our hometown across the country then I start to see the remorse. <P>Last night I take off, go to dinner, no explanation. We make love..uh humm, excuse me, have sex, only then does he want to know where I have been. "having dinner with a bunch of women talking about their bad husbands?" Invoking jealousy I reply "dont you wish..You know you are bad dont you." He agrees.<P>So easily my facade of independence comes crashing. Like tonight when I actually find her number in his locked phone. Every one tells me that I am worthwhile, beautiful, and just to move on. What we had was pure and innocent. We met when I was only 14, married at 16, now I am 28.<P>Even as a Christian I now am starting to understand why a woman chooses to be a lesbian. <P>BTW, movers come June 26&27th.<P>HELP!!!<P>PS. To follow up with the subject of my post.. should I call her?<P>[This message has been edited by Learning as I go (edited April 06, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Learning as I go (edited April 06, 2001).]

Dear Learning,<P>What would calling her accomplish besides hurt you more??<P>You might consider notifying her husband though. I wish someone had told me what my H was doing - I know of several people who knew about the affair and didn't tell me until after D-Day. <P>Calling her will only push your H and she together - they'll have a common enemy: you. <P>Can you get out of there sooner? Or sleep somewhere else besides with him? You are setting yourself up to get an STD or worse - it's degrading to you, and hurting you emotionally also!!! <P>Like the rest of our typical wayward spouses, he wants it all, and you are giving it to him at the expense of yourself, your integrity and your emotional well being.<P>(((hugs))) BR

Dear LLIG,<P>I am working on a bunch of deadlines at work. I do want to post to you later today. <P>See ya!!<P>L.<BR>

Dear Learning,<P>Sorry for the late reply. My computer was down this evening. Also had to take my son and his cousin to see the new Pokemon3 movie. Note the 'had to' statement, there goes that want trying to turn into a need. Boy, they learn that one from a young age. <P>To your question about contacting the OW. I would like you to consider the following questions:<P>1. What do you know about the personality of the OW?<BR> Is there any chance she is a kind person one who would<BR> be kind to you? If no, don't contact her. She will <BR> twist the best of your intentions and pull the WS closer<BR> in her web of deceit and lies. Don't go by how 'nice' <BR> she may treat your H, she could have a Jekyl and Hyde <BR> personality or PMS real real bad. <P>2. Are you really dealing with a sane person? Remember if <BR> your H has lied to you about her, has he lied to her <BR> about you? That will influence how she responds to you. <P> Guaranteed you were not pictured to be the great wife <BR> that is why he is having an A. <P>3. Liars don't interface well with truthseekers. Regardless<BR> how right and pure your motives are, it is not <BR> appreciated either by the WS or OW. <P> In Biblical terms, you are throwing your pearls before<BR> swine. <P>Now what are your other options? There must be some way to <BR>release or lower this anxiety that is building up within you. <P>Suggestion: Try a background check. Be careful how you go about it and where the information is sent. WS may get upset if they find out and warn OW to be on the look out for you. OWs are good at making you look bad. Check with acquaintances as a character reference. If you find any illegal activity, take it to the proper authorities. <P>Sometimes, these kinds of people are engaging in more than an A. Depending on other things in their lives, drugs, money laundrying, illegal transportation of stolen goods, etc. maybe part of their lifestyle. There are anonymus ways of reporting that type of information. Don't make stuff up. Be well documented. Leave it with the authorities and let it alone. <P>I did contact WS's OW, big mistake. Look at some of my earlier posts, she is pysco. The one thing I did get out of it was having hotmail shut down one of her many e-mail accounts because they said she was being abusive to me. The other thing is that she revealed that she knew where I lived, worked and my work and home phone numbers. Good enough evidence if she ever tried to do anything to me or my family. I have kept all that written evidence in multiple places. <P>Just some suggestions. Hope the OW you are dealing with is not as psyco as the one I have to deal with. Even though she has not been a direct problem the last couple of months, I still feel her presence due to WS's communication with her and the way her attitude rubs off so easily on him. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.

I stand with the "What do you stand to gain?" crowd. Unless you think you have a lot to gain, I wouldn't do it. <P>But I'd let x sleep on the couch in the basement, living room, den, wherever. I certainly wouldn't be offering him my body. Who knows what ow has been doing with hers? Do you want to share STDs with her?<P>

Thanks for responding guys. Internet search proved fruitless. Last night we started to talk, as usual he never says too much about himself. There seemed to be something on his mind, and I asked. He said forget it, he does trust me. Why not, I asked? <P>Earlier in the evening when he was busy using an encryption prog on his pers. doc I commented how this is "OUR" comp and I dont like the idea of him encrypting things. I said why does it seem that you have so much to hide? I commented on how futile it was to put a pass. on his phone, that I do have her #.<P>Went on to say that I have absoloutly nothing to lose by calling her husband. This really bugged him. Back up to the conversation we were having, I told him that I am not out to get him, how I would love to talk with him, but even that seems to be lost. He said he cannot trust me for many reasons to just talk to me. What is it on your mind I asked? He told me he is worried about me calling her husband.<P>Then I got mad. Why please tell me, are you still in MY bed? No longer our bed, you dont want us, and you being the one wanting the D, this is my bed. Why are you here?<BR>I told him all I wanted was to talk, but now I know where his loyalty is...her. All along he has denied the affair, called her a really good friend. But I found letters. <BR>And if she is just a friend why the secrecy? <P>Ok ladies and gents. I am calling her husband. PLEASE give me some coaching.<P>Thanks a million,<BR>Dara

Oh that is too deep, I want to post to you later but I am at work right now.