<BR>Friday April 6<P>My son asked who I was talking to on the phone, and I told him it was -name-. My daughter said she wanted him to come over (she likes him a lot). My son was quiet for a moment, then added that he should bring a video for us to watch, so he could play a game with Grandma. I didn't understand what he meant and asked him. He said that he and Grandma have a new game. He tells Grandma when -name- comes over with a video, and she tries to guess which video. I laughed to cover up my anger at her for this continued manipulation of my son ... in his eyes she can do no wrong ... and asked him who came up with this game. He said it was Grandma's idea. Also that he hadn't played this "game" yet because she made up this game after she found out that -name- had brought over a movie, and he had already told her which movie it was.<P>I rarely see -name- when I have the kids, and we've gone above and beyond to show nothing but appropriate behavior in front of the children, being friends and no more interaction than they would see between any of my female friends and I. This interrogation of the kids has got to stop! Is there nothing I can do to keep my STBX-mother-in-law from manipulating the children like this?<P><BR>(end of vent, for now ...)<P>

TLC,<P>Sure hate it when others start manipulating the kids. I'm not a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure that as a parent, you are entitled to almost absolute control over your kids, as long as you stay within the framework of the law. Maybe grandparents have some rights, but I think those rights were severely restricted by a recent Supreme Court Ruling.<P>For me it would be a simple question: Do I want my children in the company and influence of a woman who would try to use the children to spy on their own mother? She either agrees to stop this or she doesn't see the kids. I recommend that you take this matter up with your lawyer right away. Maybe a commumication by your lawyer will put a stop to it.<P>For your own part, until your divorce is final, you really aren't on the strongest ground when you bring a male friend into the home where your children reside. You may be risking an awful lot legally. The courts might construe this as adulterous behavior. Forget what you two did or didn't do in the presence of the children. It doesn't matter. If your relationship with this male person has any potential romantic or sexual aspects about it, you would be well advised not to have any part of it happen in the home where the children reside.<P>In some states, it is possible that this could be used to show that a person is an unfit parent. It isn't worth risking the custody of your children over.<P>Please, Please, talk to your lawyer before you let your friend back in the house where your kids live.<P>Bumper

<BR>I didn't give a lot of background info because I was blowing off steam so I could enjoy the rest of the evening ...<P>I can't control how much time the kids spend with her when it's their dad's parenting time because he is a 34 year old living with mommy and daddy. Even though he now has a job, finally, after five months of unemployment, and even though I left the marital home and he could live there if he wanted to; rent- and mortgage-free. He apparently likes to leave the kids with Grandma and go off and do who-knows-what during his parenting time. Grandma is the one fighting dirty for 'his' custody time, anyway. She is the one paying for his attorney, has lied to the police and has filed false claims about me to get a PPO against me. I don't think there is anything she wouldn't do to try to take the kids from me.<P>Secondly, my atty knows all about my male friend ... what has and hasn't happened, what the kids know, etc. ... and I've been keeping her updated on what Grandma has been doing. This is NOT the first occasion that she's been WAY out of line. At this point my atty is just having me document all of these occurences, and limit the time that I spend with my friend when I have the kids. Not a problem.<P>The STBX is a textbook example of the controlling abuser. The mother-in-law is just the typical nightmare stereotype with some added features. I wish the cr*p would be over and done with when the divorce is final, but I know it won't be.<P>The male friend and I have discussed marriage but not in detail because *I* did not want to go there. It was basically left as an open invitation to spend the rest of my life with him when I'm ready for that ... being in the middle of an ugly divorce, I'm really not in the mood to make those sort of decisions! But as time goes on and the people around me (those I care about anyway *g*) are starting to see that it wasn't a 'rebound' and I'm learning more about him, and the way he interacts with the kids, I am only increasingly confident that there is a long-term future for us. I'm just not in a hurry to make it official!<P>