Well, I am in a dilema. My WS moved out to other womans house. I have 3 small children, she has 3 kids. Our verbal agreement is that he has them EOW and T and Th eve. Well, for the last 3 weekends, he takes them to her house to spend the entire weekend there. I have been letting this happen and I am disgusted with myself. I have been trying to save my marriage but how can I continue to do this to my children. I can't. I guess it is time to say good bye to marriage because I will have to fight H not to bring kids over there anymore. He thinks it is good family enviornment. Well, enough is enough. <P>How have any of you with kids deal with this issue. I really need some guidance and some straight up talk about this. <P>Hopelessmom

Uh... Um...<P>I know it sucks, but I don't think there is anything you can do about it. It hurts every time I here the OM's name come out of my daughter's mouth. Legally, I don't think there is anything you can do unless the OW is a physical threat to your kids and you could get a restraining order.<P>I just take comfort in that I did everything I could to save my marriage and that what they have is built on quicksand and it will come to an ugly end someday.<P>

When my ex and I went to court the first time to establish temporary child support and visitations, I asked that the OW not be allowed around the children. The judge granted this saying that it would be difficult for the kids emotionally. But he also said that I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend around them. That wasn't a problem since there wasn't a boyfriend. <P>Ex has been with the OW for almost 16 months and my kids haven't been around her at all. <P>Good luck!<BR>Mitzi

Well, my STBx spends as much time as she can with the OM (although I wouldn't call him a "man") and my son doesn't care for that. He told his mother as much and her response wsa "tough" Some mother, huh?<P>There isn't much I can do about it. I told him he can come to my house any time he doesn't want to go to the OM's place, but I doubt his mother will go for that. It is very frustrating to have to endure this with no recourse.<P>I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I guess warm thoughts will have to do. I know it's difficult, but it gets better. Now if someone can just tell me when....<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

My ex and I split at the same time as Mitzi, but I got the other end of the deal, thanks to the great differences in our judicial system.<P>My kids have been exposed to OW since about month one after discovery. My ex moved in with OW as he moved out from us.<P>It hurts. I fought it, but there was nothing I could do. The father has his own rights to see his kids. Unless the OW is unfit, which I believe in Mitzi's case, she was a drug user, or something , but normally I haven't seen as many incidents where you can legally keep the kids or set those boundaries.<P>The counselors that I had been to, agreed that its best not to let the kids see you and their dad fight. Don't say anything bad about him or the OW and just pray for the best. It hurts, its unfair, but if you can't stop it, try to make the best of it, if there is no other choice.<P>I know, it hurts, my ex left me on xmas day and before Valentine's day, my kids were at HER house! <P>Here's something interesting though, 16 months later, and my ex now engaged to OW, he and I had counseling yesterday. He was very honest. He is struggling to be a better person (great, fine time to step up and be a man now, right?). Well he told the counselor he carries a lot of guilt still and misses his kids and feels guilty when he is with OW son. He also doesn't really like OW son at all. Counselor said he and her are setting themself up for a failure if they don't watch it. The point is, in the end, we have to do whats best for the kids. <P>Really if they are going to go see their dad, you want to be able to not worry about their safety while they are gone from you. Go out with friends, stay busy, cuz those first few months were very hard for me to accept. <P>Deep down, it hurts that my kids like OW. It hurts that they didn't say, I refuse to go there. That would be putting the weight of my marriage and its failure on them though. It hurts that they have family traditional holidays together and I'm over here by myself at times, but what can I do? Nothing, so I try to deal with it.<P>Good luck, its a long road ahead.<BR>Dana<BR>

PS, I have 3 daughters too, and I have mixed my kids with someone else's before too. That makes for a hard dose of reality and sometimes its too much to handle.

Something interesting happened in my situation. My STBX at the time was always bringing our 2-1/2 year old son to his bimbo's house. He was living with her but he never took S on overnights thankfully. Then I moved out of our home (I couldn't afford it and it was too difficult to maintain on my own) and STBX moved in WITH bimbo and he insisted on having his weekend visitations. I took him to court in protest but the judge granted it, however, he was given restrictions such as never leaving S alone with her or any female or male non-relative and no drinking or drugs allowed. The judge also made him feel crummy and he warned him that if he broke any of the rules, he could possibly lose custody. After that, I realized I had no control and I had to accept it. I simply let my STBX know I had no respect for what he was doing and I let it go. I never once talked negatively to my son about his Dad OR bimbo and I never allowed my S to either. I took the high road and things just naturally started to work out. Reality set in and Ex and Bimbo started to have problems. Bimbo would try to dicipline our son and Ex would get defensive. She soon became demanding and petty and two months after she moved in, he kicked her out.<P>I've heard these blended families have a high divorce rate and I can see why. Nobody's going to love your child like you do, and sooner or later reality sets in and these WS's realize they're only adding more stress to their already screwed up lives.

A number of people on this message board have been able to prevent the kids being exposed to overnight visitation with the OP. I often wish I had fought it. The counselor told my H that it was a terrible idea and way too soon, but within a few months he wanted them overnight anyway. It is kind of a moot point now, because the OW soon started restricting their visitation, and now, two years later, she doesn't allow any of them there overnight, and only allows them at all a few hours a month. My H has made no secret of the fact that it is primarily because they annoy the OW, which seems a bit counterproductive if he wants them to like her.

I found out tonite that my ex and his fiancee are having more issues over disciplining OUR kids. My ex does not believe the OW/fiancee should discipline our kids if she won't discipline her own son and his behavior is bad. His behavior is so bad, my exH sends the OW's son away for every visit he takes with my kids.<P>Apparently my ex has almost left her a few times, over her son. SO yes, that is true, that the blended stuff is very hard. I think everyone involved has to be ready and it takes a tremendous amount of work. <P>Every state must be different, or I had a lousy judge because I didn't get any help when I wanted it. In the end, taking the high road worked for me too, but it wasn't the easier road thats for sure. I hope your state or judge gives you something better.<P>Dana<BR>