Deleted...<p>[This message has been edited by LostNco (edited April 14, 2001).]

It pains me to see another one in the same situation as me.<P>Do you have any kids? If not, count yourself lucky.<P>What do you do?<BR>1. There is nothing that you can do as far as his affair. You are not responsible for it. In fact, the more you do to try to save your marriage, the more you husband will try to get away from you. Right now, he "thinks" he's trapped in a bad relationship with you because he is having a fantasy relationship with the OP. Tell him you love him, but you can't go along with what he is doing. He will continue doing it if he knows he can come back. He needs time for the fantasy to evaporate and right now you are probably supporting it. <P>I don't know if you can save your marriage. I haven't been successful with mine. Learn about Plan A and Plan B. If Plan A hasn't snapped him out of his addiction (with the OP), Plan B might.<P>2. Protect yourself financially. Get an attorney right now. Protect yourself as far as any kids you may have.<P>You are on the rollercoaster right now. Many others and I have found that by getting off the rollercoaster, things get much better. When you get off the rollercoaster, your spouse gets to go up and down all by themselves. It drives my STBX WS crazy that I'm nice to her and indifferent to her when she tries to get a rise out of me. Essentially, I don't give her the opportunity to blame me when she is feeling guilty about her affair.<P>Read the most recent threads in this forum. Many of them deal with betrayal and divorce.<P>Kevin<P>

I tend to agree with Kevin. The more you try to "save" your marriage, the harder they run.<P>I tried my darndest for a year but all I got were very cold responses like the usual "I love you but am not in love with you." I plan B'd also but I'm sure the OW kept him in her clutches.<P>It was a hard decision to make. But I am so glad I made it. I may be alone, but at least I don't have someone here longing to be somewhere else.<P>He was here in February to pick up some things that we agreed to in the divorce. Imagine his surprise when he saw that I had part of the house painted and was making other changes. I could tell he seemed "hurt." When I mentioned I had bought a computer desk. He said, "What's the matter? Don't you like the one I got for you?"<P>I think that possibly the reality has set in as to what he has given up. But that he realizes that it might be too late. I must admit that I do get some satisfaction from it.<P>There will be some very painful times ahead and there still are some. But I wouldn't go back to where I was 3 years ago at this time.<P>I'm here to help at any time.<P>Martha

Deleted...<p>[This message has been edited by LostNco (edited April 14, 2001).]