Well it started almost 1 year ago. My wife said she wanted a seperation and most likely a divorce. We were living in California at the time and she was seeing her old H/S boyfriend. We were in the process of buying our first house and moving to Louisiana so we put the Sep/Divorce on hold until we got settled out here in LA. I was willing and ready to move out once we got setteled in our new home. Long story short we have decided to seperate on numerous occasions. I have packed a suitcase and left 3 times. All three times she has called me the next day and tells me she must be crazy and she wants me home and that she loves me. I come home every time. For the past year one moment she wants to be married and the next she doesnt. Every time we talk and we decide to make our marriage work within days she wants to seperate. Once we decide to seperate she wants to make it work. I react to her, I want our marriage of 15 years to work so I try to stay flexible. I cant seem to make myself leave. We get along great and enjoy each others company. We have not made love in 7 months. There is no affection at all, hugs, kiss on the cheek nothing. We sleep in the same bed but there might as well be a wall in the middle of the bed. I am to the point of leaving and telling her when she figures out what she wants that I will be there. We also have 3 kids, 14, 11 and 5, that makes most decisions difficult.

Sounds like the Fog to me. <P>Hurry come back, Go away.<P>Tex

What about alternating? If she doesn't want to work on the marriage, she has to leave?

What about counseling?<BR>

It's known as "approach/avoidance" behavior. You need to find out what's motivating both sides of the vacillation ... then you cut out the motivations for the avoidance side and enhance the motivations for the "approach" side. <P>His Needs/Her Needs might be a good starting point in your reading.

I would think that your children find this back and forth behavior confusing.<P>Hopelessmom