This Sunday is my anniversary... What to do.. I have a slew of family and friends coming over... Gee, the same people that were at my wedding last year... Same place and all... <P>Invited the H over Sunday... He says he is too uncomfortable to be there... It hurts... It hurts.. That's all I can say..

Hang in there buddy. You have been doing very good with everything that has been thrown at you recently. You've got some tough issues in front of you, but I know that you are strong enough to pull through this.<P>Just focus on your friends and family this Sunday, trying not to think of what the "day" really is. Besides, if I have any say in the matter, you best be smiling.<P>Make sure you keep the beer cold and the pool ready. I see an air mattress with my name all over it

Thanks pal!!! Pool is ready and the beer iced down! Needed that little pick me up.. Was feeling pretty sorry for myself last night,

Hi,<P>Sorry you had a down day. We all get those and it's perfectly natural. Especially on days with extra significance. I'm finding what works best for me is to focus on something good, no matter how small or trivial it may be and always have some future plan to think about.<P>You'll get through this, I promise. I'm not sure if the hurt ever goes completely away, but time makes it more manageable. I know, trust me.<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Thanks Nick. Missed seeing you on the boards. Funny how we all seem to come back. <P>Today seems to be a better day. Just taking things one day at a time, the bad days are fewer and farther between,

Hi! It's good to see you again!<P>Blindsided, what has worked fairly well for me is to find something about the significant day/holiday that I want to celebrate, so I can re-claim the day in a new way. That sounds really complicated, but let me give you an example. February 3rd is the day my H left, and oddly enough, we were discussing whether or not to reconcile on that day a year later! At first, I was concerned I would break down and be flooded with memories, and I could have, but I decided instead to make a new tradition that would make that day MY DAY not HIS DAY. I went on a 3-day vacation to western Colorado, got a swanky hotel room, went out to the finest restaurants, and spent the rest of the day wrinkling in the hot tub. MY DAY.<P>Our anniversary was March 11th, and last year he didn't acknowledge it in any way, wouldn't look at me, wouldn't hold my hand--it was awful. This year I was afraid I would be overwhelmed and all emotional. So, once again, I reclaimed the day. I picked activities I wanted to do, ate food I wanted to eat, and got myself presents and everything. Not "anniversary presents", but "YAY for CJ" presents (like a portable CD player!). Anyway, now if my H wants to celebrate the anniversary with me, it is still a day I celebrate--with or without him--as a day that is MY DAY significant to ME.<P>So, you were married on Tax Day, huh? Is that ironic, or just funny timing? Here are some ideas: cook food you LOVE for no other reason than that you LOVE it; buy yourself something new that would bring you some pleasure; don't just sit at home and pout--go kite flying and LEAVE THE DISHES UNTIL TOMORROW!!; take a walk with a really good friend whom you have missed lately; go to that little espresso shop that you enjoy; read a book you enjoy; let your relatives know that you are glad they are there--that you love them--that you are lucky to have a family like them who loves you (even though they are too loud--heehee). <P>I'll be thinking of you on Easter. Maybe I should send you a "Passover" recipe <P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Thanks CJ:<BR> Rough day today... H and I were supposed to go diving. Dive site had 0 visibility.. We just headed home after a 3 hour drive there. Started talking on the way home. Conversation seemed to go well, but unproductive.<P> Bottom line. I don't know what to do. We both ended up bawling. I asked: "What are we going to do?" He can't answer that, and neither can I. We both agree that we love each other. Can't seem to let each other go. When one of us starts to leave the other initiates contact again. He says he is afraid to move back in, and I say I see no other choice. I can't live my life in this "limbo" forever. It is killing me. It is killing who I am, who I want to be. Sure, I can file for divorce and get some sort of closure but it won't take him out of my head. I don't know what tomorrow might bring, I just want the chance to find out. He says that he can't go through the same hurt again as when he left. That it was the hardest thing he ever did. My comment back: "Has it gotton any easier?". His answer: "NO" <P> Am I crazy?? Have I completely lost it? Everyone says it gets easier with time. I hurt as much today as I did 6 months ago. Oh, and my all time favorite comment from someone "It will be ok." Well it is not OK, I married for life. I love this man. I am willing to forgive what he has done. I want another chance. I want him to try. <P> Now, on the other hand. I am ANGRY. WE made commitments, WE made plans and promises. I am left holding the bag. I am the one paying the mortgage. I am the one taking care of the family. I am the one on the road all the time trying to hold it all together. I am in a bad situation right now. Between the job and family, I am going to have to either hurt someone I love or destroy what I have worked most of my life for. All because he couldn't hold up his end of this bargain. He is able to move out, do things that are convenient for him (We had no kids, he had one that was still a minor). I however, am obligated to the promises that WE made. <P> Wow, sorry for the vent. Having a very bad day, and not sure what to do or where to go.. <P>