I don't know what to do. First off let me say that I am not suicidal, but I am sure down----way down. My wife and i separated (at her request) the first week of January. She told our bishop that she still loved me and wanted to eventually get back together, but it may be weeks, months, or even years. She asked me to tell no one that we were separated or she would file for divorce. I hadn't been the perfect husband, but I had no idea how much I had hurt her. This is the second marriage for both of us. Her three children lived with us, but never accepted me as a father figure---they are now 24 (son) married just this February for the third time; 19 (daughter) had son out of wedlock at 16 then married the father at 16 and got her divorce in January; 17 (son) half-way decent, but wants to be the boss and run the house---just finished his first quarter of college and got a 3.5. For years they had been talking to their mother about divorcing me. We have three children of our own two boys (11 and 9) and one girl (8).<P>Well, I said nothing. She has been lenient with visits with our children. I have been unemployed for almost 14 months now and we are about to run out of money and have to file bankruptcy---there is no choice unless a miracle happens. Anyway, two weeks after we separated, she told me that she wanted a divorce---I was floored. That is when she let me know that she never really loved me; it had been a miserable marriage for all but three months during the almost 13 years we have been married; I was never nice to her three children and they hated me and i was the reason they turned out the way they have.<P>I feel just miserable!!!! I want so much to make this marriage work, but it seems impossible; she won't even talk to me. She filed a little over a month ago and immediately withdrew 2000 from our checking account and sent it to a girl friend (300 miles away) who she plans to go and stay with when the divorce is over. There is much much more including the fact that I just got a couple e-mails (within the past two days) from two families that live in the area where her girl friend lives asking me what is going on. Her girl friend is spreading all sorts of lies about what is happening and making things seem really nasty---I approached my bishop with the information and he is going to call her bishop and find out what is actually going on; some of the lies included things that my bishop said that he has never said.<P>Anyway, I am really hurting, wish everything was over so I could start over again; I am almost 57 so who knows what "starting over" is. right now I just want to get a job that I can bury myself in and get everything else behind me.<P>Please help me with any suggestions your may have. I will also answer and/or clarify anything you may think that you need.<BR>

Levi,<P>Just wanted to let you know that someone was out here. <P>Sounds like there is a lot going on right now. Sound like W is jumping ship when the chips are down. No doubt she is feeling tons of guilt and is giving you the standard I don't love you line. We here have all heard it in one form or another. My H did the same thing your wife did going from there are problem lets work it out to wanting a D with in 2 weeks. Divorce for them is the easier option because they can only see what they think life will be. For my husband it means the freedom to be a player again and be adored by women with out guilt. <P>Read everything you can here on this website. There is lots of good info here. You will find lots of good advice and support here as well. I know that horrible empty feeling as well as I live it everyday. I too at times just wish it were over so I could get on with my life.<P>Take Care

Hi Levi,<P>I am just writing also to say that someone is reading your post. Sometimes, its slower around here, and sometimes some of us are so down, we can't even offer something positive or helpful. But we are all here to help each other and I hope you'll find some peace and comfort here.<P>My H left me on xmas, and told me he was unhappy for many years too. 16 months later he has admitted, he really wasn't unhappy and that much of the problem was caused by him in the first place.<P>I think it takes us being apart for a while sometimes to see things differently.<P>Your story hit me differently, because I have 3 kids, who are now almost 10, 8 and 3. I am dating someone and deathly afraid because I keep hearing the odds of second marriages, with children involved have a high failure rate.<P>Right now, you should take some time for you and try to get to a place where you are happy again. I know you mentioned your not suicidal but your depressed. I was recently feeling down again too. If I had medical insurance, I'd try meds, but I don't. So for me, what works is spending a lot of time with friends and positive people. <P>I also am going thru a bankruptcy, which according to my attorney, goes hand in hand with a divorce many times. It took me 12 months of struggling and I just couldn't do it. <P>So I can relate to much of your feelings. I was overwhelmed myself by them. What worked for me, was not looking at everything like one big picture and taking one thing at a time and trying to put it in a different perspective, leaving the marriage/divorce last because that made no sense to me. <P>But maybe after you work on a different job (another thing I'm working on), then realize that you'll be ok as far as the bankruptcy, and that you WILL eventually be ok from all of this. You just have to take it slow, work on one thing at a time, and don't think about anyone else or the future right now, just get to a place where you are happy.<P>I wish you the best and keep posting. When you are feeling better, you will also have a lot to offer to those of us who are just coming out of divorce and dating and afraid of how a "blended family" works! Sometimes I feel better when I can reply to someone rather than post my own problems here.<P>Good luck and I hope you find some happiness,<BR>Dana<BR>