Hi friends,<P>It's been 16 months since my now exH left on Xmas Day. He served me D papers on Valentine's day. I signed my Divorce papers a few days after my bday even though they were ready, my lawyer was nice enough to hold off on calling me, and I got my D papers a few days before my anniversary . My lawyer mailed H his right on the anniversary . Since all of that, I get very distraught around Holiday time of any sort. <P>Last night, I had a dream that I was at exH/OW Bridal Shower. She was opening presents and happy and they were affectionate. Somehow it switched to their wedding. Then I left to go home and my car was broke so I walked home in the rain crying.<P>First off, I am bothered that I even HAD a dream about him and especially one with the two of them. No matter how hard I try to accept OW she will always be just that, the OW so I don't like having her in my dream either!<P>I'm curious if anyone else has had dreams about their ex a year later. I know, we can't control our dreams, and I could dream of him here and there the rest of my life although I'd prefer not to.<P>In my case I think its just the holidays are bothering me, and I am probably more bothered by the upcoming marriage then I care to admit.<P>I also feel guilty because I do love with someone else right now, and even though I work hard at that relationship, and I don't always understand it, I still hope that it will work out down the road. I don't think I'd be happy to know if he had this similar dream so I am not going to talk to him about it either. I know how important communication is in a relationship, and lately I don't have the energy for that either.<P>Thanks for listening, guess I needed to vent, this is a very strange week for me. Hugs, Dana<BR>

Wow, that's really an odd coincidence, becausse I had a dream about my STBx last night. Nothing special, just us together having a good time. (well, I guess that WOULD qualify as special).<P>I'm not sure what triggered it, I guess it would be normal to dream about someone who was the most important thing in your life. I'm sure it will happen again.<P>Funny thing is, it didn't bother me, and I'm sure it would have a few months ago. Probably some kind of Freudian thing...<P>Or, maybe this is how your subconscious helps you deal with this. By venting subconsciously during dreams. This would be a very intersting topic for someone trained in dream interpretation to comment on...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Well, several times I have, and i called it a flashback of sorts. however, its been a long time since i had one,<BR>and at first i recognized it as hope, then i recognized it as a loss.

Not only do I dream about him, but I cannot believe I'm on writing on this board again, I want the pain and anger to end, when will it ever end, when will I stop visualizing this person in my mind and my heart, why is he so cold, this is so unfair, why do women go through so much hell with men??????????

From time to time I still have vivid dreams about my STBX. They seem so real at the time, that I wake up thinking that they are real. So such luck. I have never dreamed of the OM, which in my book is a good thing. I hope to never see him again. Though I know that I probably will (might get a new job working with him). I think these dreams are just reminders of what I wanted.<P>chocatecaramelus,<P>I am sorry that you are having so much difficulty. Fram my point of view, my STBXW is cold, unfair, uncaring, and has put me through absolute hell as well. Hang in there. I do believe it will get better.<P>Griz

Every now and again he shows up in my dreams (or is it nightmare), because when it happens it really upsets me when I wake up.<P>A funny story: One of my neighbors has a cat that has taken a liking to me. I have to watch out because if I leave my door open for any length of time, she'll invite herself in. Anyhow, the other night (it was quite late 1:30am), I was at my door saying goodbye to a friend (just friends!) and I then got ready for bed. I was quite tired and was drifting off and kind of started to dream. <P>It is weird that now I have access to the whole bed, yet I take up a very small portion and don't venture to the other side (yet). So I'm drifting off to sleep, and I feel this major movement in my bed. I'm thinking, pleasantly, it's Greg (I miss him)....hello! I live alone now...... who the heck is in my bed? As I turn over and come completely out of sleep and begin to scream...... It was the cat!!!! Needless to say she bolted out like a bat out of hell!<P>This cat really has a thing for me.<BR> <BR>

Hey Rejected. <P>That cat may be a heaven sent helper. Give it a scratch behind the ear for me next time.. <P>Tex.

Hi friends,<P>Thank you for replying. I know, logically, this is normal. It feels better to know when I'm not alone. Sometimes, I feel like I'm losing my mind when things happen or that there is always some "greater" reason to things. <P>The thought of it being a flashback, what we wanted to happen, or even a nightmare all make sense. I received a wedding invitation in the mail yesterday for a close friend. I thought a lot about her and whether I feel up to going to this wedding next month, but I HAVE to go, I have no choice. I thought about how if you asked me even 6 months ago, I'd tell you that I would definetly marry again. Now I think about that, and feel that maybe I don't ever want to marry again, live together yes, but not marriage.<P>I'm thinking, maybe I brought on that dream by so much thought right before bed! I have a bad habit of thinking about far too serious things right before I go to sleep .<P>I have to laugh about the cat story. One time when my ex first left, I felt someone in bed too, and rolled over to put my arm around "them". When "someone" was there, I jumped up to find my youngest daughter in bed, which I never let my kids sleep with me so I was totally shocked, but for that brief moment, I actually thought it was real too. <P>On a more positive note, I got a call on a GREAT job today. I have an interview on Friday. Good Friday...a holiday, I have to pull myself together for this one. But the job would be great for me, steady hours, mon-fri 845-5, some travelling around town (good since I have been cooped up inside since discovery), and great benefits. She even told me on the phone, that my resume fit perfectly with this position and they were really excited to meet me TOMORROW! I managed to get it moved to Friday so I have time to get ready because at this moment I'm still feeling gloomy and need to get more positive.<P>Thanks for sharing your stories with me and I hope to keep this thread going. hugs,Dana<BR>

Rejected,<P>My cat seemed to sense something was wrong as well. He follows me everywhere and is constantly snuggled into me at night. He is a really good listener as well and never gets tired of hearing me talk!!!!

I think I just might let the cat stay next time! <BR>

I dream about my EX alot, more now than I ever did when we were together. I think it has to do with the fact that he is still on my mind alot. I used to dream about us being happy ect but now it's switched to dreaming about him saying he is leaving ect. I take it as I am healing and reality is hitting me even in my dreams. I have had dreams that he has wanted to come home and I have said no, I don't love or need you anymore. I guess that says to me that I am really moving forward with my life.<P>Jill

Coupla funny dreams...<BR>I've been divorced for almost 2 years, but two dreams popped up just after Christmas.<BR>In one, my XH comes to the front door on his way to work and he is wearing a DRESS. I tell him "You have to change" - real subtle, eh, change the dress and just CHANGE!<BR>He goes back to the BR, comes back with another dress on. "No, you have to change!" Then he goes into the BR and comes out wearing a sequin-covered low-cut spaghetti-strap evening dress. In the bosom part where he should put his bosoms (?) if he had them, : ) it is filled with nutmeg cake donuts. Weird. But the guy just would not CHANGE!!! : )<BR> In the second dream, we are in the old family room at the house we shared and this furry/slimy thing comes out of the fireplace grate and lands between us. I start screaming and ask him to take care of it, move it, remove it, get it out. He says he doesn't know what the problem is. I move into the dining room, he comes in later and I ask him if he took care of the icky thing and he says, "I still don't know what you're talking about. There was nothing wrong."<BR>Very telling...

Its interesting how some dreams feel so easy to interpret in ways that relate to our life or marriage/divorce. I'm sure mine is just as easily interpretted but I DON"T want to know for sure just yet!<P>

I had sporadic dreams for 2 or 3 years but haven't had one in a long time unless I had one around the time he got married - but I don't remember.

Thanks Dana.<P>For a year, no dreams about the ex. Since this post, two. <P>The one this morning was strange. I work for a major contractor for the Head Start program in administration.<P>So in my dream, I am at work. But I am in one of the centers. Ex comes in and we are talking and she falls down. Hurts her wrist or arm. Takes off the ring that she is wearing on the wedding finger. I look inside and there are some initials. During the dream, I seem to think that they are the OM's. But they were not.<P>On a related note, Tiana dreams about her almost every night. Usually about her coming back and taking the kids away.<P>Terrible stuff.

Grandpabri,<P>Sorry for the coincidence of my post! I haven't had any more dreams about him, (knock on wood) and I don't care to. On the other hand, I'm not dreaming because I can't sleep good, so go figure.<P>I found a cool website that tells a lot about dreams and a lot of whats been described has significance or "hidden meanings" from our subconscience. If I can find the link again I'll put it in this page.<BR>Dana<BR>

All the time and not only do I dream about him I also yell at him in my sleep. Quotes my roommates have overheard so far:<P>"I don't give a f*** what you think!"<P>"All this over a blow***?"<P>"What is the matter with you, Roger!"<P>"I don't care where you go but I'm taking the cat"<P>Not including the various incoherent mutterings and the thrashing about. Unfortunately I have no good dreams about my stbx

Ok, I can't just ignore this topic. <BR>For the last month, I've been having dreams about my X again. I know what triggered them (but I'm not going to go into that), and I know exactly what they mean.<BR>In my dreams, I see several things... usually it's a Semi, a steam roller, a hurd of Elephants or other large animals, a raging bull ... you get the picture. <BR>Well whatever the oncoming trampling/flattening threat is, the goal is the same.... to flatten my X. So far, the score is "Threat"-24, X-0.<BR>Oh, and only once did I appear in the dream (the very first one, and I was driving the semi).<P>Yeah, I know... I'm one twisted puppy! <BR>Dawnetta

Hi friends, <P>again here is that link in case you didn't see it in my post from BonnieSept.<BR> <A HREF="http://women.aol.thriveonline.oxygen.com/serenity/experts/dream/topic.html" TARGET=_blank>http://women.aol.thriveonline.oxygen.com/serenity/experts/dream/topic.html</A> <P>I think that dreams are very interesting. I tend to notice that my dreams go along with my overall mood of things. For example, this past month, I've been very upset and feeling down. All of my dreams are "bad" or "disturbing". Before that, my life was what I'd say very good, and I remember saying that I hadn't had a bad dream in many months.<P>As far as dreaming of the ex, I'm sure in my case, its my subconscience feelings that I have buried or something. I'm not saying I want to go back to him, I just think deep down I haven't quite accepted or came to an understanding completely on all this. I have taken my share of the blame in this downfall, but I don't quite understand where he was coming from at times. Although, that seems to be the story of my life these days! Trying hard to understand something that I can't.<P>Butterfly, have you been watching Jumanji or something? All I could think of was that movie when you mentioned the heard of elephants. LOL.<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>