Well I posted a long time ago, then again a week is a long time when 6 months ago W shocked another H with I want a divorce & never ever loved you. I have grown, I have accepted much, I have lost 38 pounds & my sleep patterns would be of concern to college students cramming for mid-terms. About 2 hours ago we told my 9 yr old son his Mom was leaving May 1st - it went well - we managed to get across the positve & downplay the negative. He seems excited, as the explanation was - as opposed to the proverbial train comming around a curve at 100mph about to wreck his life - his mom & dad finally becomming friends again even though we can not live together anymore. He has been assured & it is true that I & his Mom will be helping each other through this as best we could & we would always happily & joyfully be his Mom & Dad. He was by bedtime excited about being involved with the set-up of his Moms new place - I hope & believe if I can hang on with the W as friends which will get harder if it goes the distance - my son has a chance to get out of this OK.<P>Just for info reasons we are going through mediation for a legal separation minus lawyers, I will keep the house as my buisness is out of the small home that we own - also the mortgage would be less than rent & I now see it as my sons home anyway, I will give her weekly $$$ from salary & buisness for a time to be determined fair in mediation. My prayer is we raise our son always together but apart - my hope is that we can try & have the daughter that my W one time wanted from me when I was (maybe still) to stupid to say yes...<P>My reason for the post however is self motivated only - I am concerned about my continued weight loss as I am actually eating again (is it a metabolism change). I lost 35 pounds because of this "situation" as I sort of lost my appetite, but I am now eating again & lost 2 more pounds this past week. Oh by the way 2 weeks ago I had a rather serious surgical procedure a ligament transplant of the knee ACL & am now on a low, low , low, dose of percoset. My MD is a little upset as I cut the dose to 1/4 of what he wants me to be on - yes I am in some pain - the tradeoff being that I am not in a fog or irratable, snapping at anyone in earshot including my son, rather un-cool side effects. The sleep disorder is 4 hours every 2nd night give or take. I have the distinct impression many of you have used this diet with amazing results, "The Highly Concentrated Emotional Stress System" - watch them pounds just melt off, look like you did when you used to get sand kicked in your face at the beach (Ha like somebody would kick sand in the face of a person considered quite intense by not 1 but 2 psychiaratrist - as in I apparently made them uncomfortable to be alone in a room with me - Relax really I'm not nuts (?) turns out it was a defence mechanism from a very scared little child that just sort of followed me in my luggage). <P>Well there you have a scenario that I would appreciate any feedback on from one of you other lucky folks that find yourself in similar walking shoes (ooops, & a pair of crutches). If not don't be to concerned as I will eventually talk to a doctor - I am just not looking foward to the bill for the time it could take to explain this to someone genarally not known for their bedside manner . . .<P>Good Luck to You before or after you post, as I know why your here - I hope your life is better or at least you have some light in your life - man was not meant to walk in darkness.<P>God Bless & Keep you Close Enough to Feel His Mighty Presence . . . <BR> <P>------------------<BR>StarCrossed

I'm sure they did this before the surgery, however maybe the doctors should check around a bit. I had a 30 lb loss. Thought it was the divorce, but it turned out my blood sugar was way out (400+, should be around 100). My body cells were starving and consuming themselves. Not that pieces were falling off or anything, but something to be checked out. I have started to gain back a bit.

Dear Starcrossed,<P>The weight loss due to being on this marital woe diet (otherwise known as the infidelity diet) affects many of us. For some it is a good thing but the way and the timeframe it happened in is not healthy. I lost about 20 lbs and I am not that tall (close to 5' - that's all I will tell). So those pounds dropping off really showed fast. It goes up and down by about 5 pounds even when I eat. <P>Please check with your doctor. Let him know what has been stressing you. This is not unusual for them to hear about this, a good doctor will run tests to make sure there is nothing else being affected and monitor your status. <P>One of the good side effects was the decrease for chocolate. I used to have a 2pm craving. Yep, 2pm on the button everywork day. Could set your watch by it. <P>My appetite has not really returned. I still get queezy and suffer from anxiety attacks. Not as often or severe but still happens. Boy if we only could make our spouses feel what we are going through. Wonder if they would survive this diet?<P>L.<P>

starcrossed,<P>I have been on this road now for a year and two months. In the first few months I had a drastic loss of appetite and a drastic reduction of sleep--to the point where I lost at least 40 lbs and I only slept about two hours a night or so. Now, at first a lot of the problem was sadness, depression and just general shock, but as the months wore on it didn't change a ton. <P>I'd say about five months or so after my H left, I realized that I had not really regained my previous appetite and I was still only sleeping about four hours a night--maybe five. At first, I was medically concerned, but I didn't jump to a conclusion--I just considered how my life had changed. Before my H left, we were fairly much couch potatoes whose main "vice" if you will was overeating together. He is a 6ft. 3in. large man, and I am a 4ft. 10in. small woman, yet I ate close to the amount he did and then sat on the couch and watched TV at night. However, after he left, I wasn't hungry so I stopped eating so much. Then I became aware of my eating habits and began to eat when I was hungry and eat much more reasonable portions. It doesn't take a LOT to keep a 4ft. 10in. body going!! Anyway, I also didn't sit on the couch at night anymore--I turned off the TV and did stuff like going to concerts, taking walks, playing softball, and sledding. So...upon reflection, it seemed kind of reasonable that my previous appetite did not return. Now, looking back on it, I think most of my previous appetite was an appetite for affection that I was feeding with food! <P>Regarding my sleeping patterns...well I have always been oblivious to time (a HUGE personal issue), and I have also always been a natural night owl, so if given my natural persuasion, I would have awakened at 10am, worked until 7pm or so, had a late dinner, and gone to bed about midnight or 1am. This is my natural body clock. Of course, the real world doesn't work like that, so I wake up earlier to get the kids off to school etc., yet I still do eat a later dinner (about 7pm) and I didn't really get tired until midnight or so (it's wierd, because I get a second wind about 10:30pm!). Anyway, once I got tired, I used to lay in bed whether I fell asleep or not, because I figured at least I was getting rest. At first, I bothered me to be awake all night, but then I started to use it as a positive. I read all the books in the peace and quiet of the night. I prayed about people on the forum, because as you know, doubts and thoughts can really creep in during the night. Sometimes I even would get up and clean if I was wide awake, because it's impossible to keep the house clean by myself, and even more impossible to clean while the kids are awake. <P>Anyway, as I mentioned, at about the five or six month mark, I realized that I had not regained my previous appetite or sleeping patterns and it kind of worried me. But as I said, I took some time to evaluate the changes, and it seemed to me that what I had changed TO more accurately reflected me. I was no longer eating HIS size portions, I was no longer sitting on the couch and watching TV, and I was no longer going to bed early just to lay in bed with him (like I used to do when he was with me). Now I was eating MY size portions, I was doing stuff at night (which I have always enjoyed doing), I was staying up later because I'm a night owl, and I was making the most of my private "night hours".<P>Eventually, one night as I was thinking about all this at about the one year mark, I realized again that I had settled into a good routine FOR ME. I ate a lot less, and I did not expect to eat more--I expected to DO more. I slept a lot less, and I enjoyed it. I felt lively and healthy and rested, yet on the weekends I let myself sleep in until my body naturally woke up (which was usually about 9am). So, upon reflection, it just seemed to me that although it was very much different from the way it used to be, it still seemed alright for me.<P>Thus, my suggestion starcrossed, would be to check in with your own self. You say you have started eating again. Well, I am still eating, a year later, and I am still losing weight about a pound or two a week, because now I'm eating like a 120 lb. woman instead of a 250 lb. man! Also, it may well be that you are still losing because it takes a body a little while to re-adjust. When you weren't eating, your stomach shrunk a bit, and now if you eat until you feel "full" it may be less than before when you ate until you felt "full". Regarding sleep, ask yourself if you are getting enough rest and if you feel rested--or do you wake up feeling exhausted and tired? Do not confuse "tired" with depressed and not WANTING to wake up and face the day--there is a difference. If you get four hours of sleep each night, and a 30 minute nap at 4:30pm and another two hours laying in bed reading or praying, you may be getting adequate rest. All I can say is that it took me at least six months before I felt adjusted to MY eating and sleeping pattern--it may very well take you that long too AND your new pattern may be quite different from the one you were used to when your H was around! <P>Hope this helps ya! <P><BR>CJ<BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Thank you for what I knew would of course be helpfull. I did go to the MD as I knew I would, although it was not specifically for this reason "I figured no time like the present" (so I've heard). His "professional" opinion is that I should purchase a product called Ensure (spelling may be wrong) in order to load my body back with the calories that I may no longer be able to consume in the quantities I require to repair what he calls "an anorexic body response to stress"!!! Woah big boy where did you go to school - to coin a phrase my son loves (9) "Not"! <P>As for the sleep disorder he said "well I am under enormous stress" - I will give him a maybe on that one you silly rabbit... MY stress levels however, have seemingly bottomed out - I will share more on this when I am sure LONG TERM that this is true - as I can't help but feel right now, because I feel so peacefull, that like smoke this to will evaporate if I share it to prematurely.<P>Thank You & God Bless,<BR>AHHHHH Doctors Schmoctors (may be spelled wrong),<BR>I Hope & Pray that like "Footprints" we to will be carried when needed & found in need,<P>Oh minor detail I am the H the W is leaving me, don't worry it made me laugh & that sometimes is the best part.<BR><P>------------------<BR>StarCrossed

Star,<P>I call it the Divorce Depression Diet (D cubed). I too have lost a chunk of weight and sleep still evades me now and again. My standing joke is to comment "that'll be worth another 5 pounds" whenever stbx does something to work my stomach into knots.<P>I've decided to look at it this way...I'm looking better - he's not. It might be a rather immature stance but, hey, I'll go with it for now because it makes me feel good. And as we all know what this does to our self-esteem, anything that makes you feel better about yourself can't be all that bad.<P>As for the sleep thing - I was averaging about 3 hours a night for the first 5 months - it is about 4-5 now. Though I still have bad nights where the dreams and overactive mind haunt and I can't go back to sleep. I figure this too will pass as the weather warms and I can get more active outside.<P>These really are standard situational depression symtoms and they tend to ease or go away as you are able to emotionally deal/accept your situation. Just ride the roller coaster and know that it always goes back up to the starting platform eventually.<P>Lisa<p>[This message has been edited by soon2b_alone (edited April 12, 2001).]

I, too, lost weight on the Infidelity/Divorce Diet. About 40 lbs. I have gained almost 10 back. I have maintained my loss for more than 4 years now. I, too, am back to what was the proper weight for me. I was overweight most probably due to the emotional issues surrounding my H's lack of affection, almost total withdrawal of sexual contact of any kind, and his emotional cruelty. I was so stressed out that I lost it all very fast - in about 3-4 months after he left. The anxiety of the whole situation caused my heart rate to skyrocket, and my doctor put me on Xanax for about 3 months. I, too, had problems sleeping - it was hard to get to sleep, and once I did, I woke up many times during the night, sometimes in a state of panic. During the worst of it, my doctor gave me a mild sedative to take at night, which I took for about 2-3 weeks. Luckily, after the first year, I was mostly back to normal. I had a few episodes of sleep disturbances after that, and have found Valerian Root to be helpful as a sleep aid. Everyone was amazed by my weight loss, including H - he even told his Mom that I looked pretty good (but not good enough, I guess!!!). Another curious thing happened. I lost 40 lbs, but OW gained those same 40 lbs. I don't think she has lost them yet!! There must be something about ex-H that causes the woman he's with to gain weight!! I admit that this small thing amuses me! Anyway, I always say that since my H walked out, I lost 240 lbs. of ugly fat - and that 200 of them were him!!! (Yes, I am verrrry naughty!!)

Hi, <P>As you can infer from my screen name here, I lost a few pounds. 205 to 157 in a about 10 weeks. I've rebounded a little, 164 today. I did it as a result of my W's affair. I tried to lose the weight, and did it as smart as I could. I kind of followed the wieght watchers plan to do it, and lots of exercise. But of course a lot of it was because of the infidelity diet.<P>I have talked about this with my counselor and my doctor. They say this is a far better way to handle the stress in my case. A person going through this could turn to many different things like alcohol, but I chose to work on myself. I try to eat even when I'm not hungry so I can get all the food in I need to stay healthy. My appitite is comming back a little, D-day fro me was almost 13 weeks ago.<P>Be smart about what you eat right now, follow a good plan if you can find one. It is doing wonders for me, I feel great, and look great. I'm much stronger now emotional, mentaly and physically. Bottom line is, take care of you.<P>Good luck, I hope if I get to your stage in my situation I can be as generous with my wife. I would like to say I can be her friend after a D, but I think that would be very hard for me.<P>Rob

Again Thank You for your Understanding, <BR>Misery does not love company, as I know, I nor anyone here would never wish this on another human being, we just need a little understanding Now & Again. Oh by the way we have got to come up with a better word than "situation", does everyone call it that? Thankyou again from the bottom of my heart, ahhhhh better make that from the depths of my soul for all your post.<P>Hey Rob,<BR>I was looking to post this question back a day or 2 ago when I came upon your April 9th post "The good, bad & ugly, of my situation". I mistakenly noted your screen name & thought that it was a related post. I wound up posting to you instead - I believe that much can be accomplished when we take the focus off of ourselves & consider how little our problems are in contrast to those around us. <P>My stage in my "situation" may change if & when my wife decides to go the distance to the big D, & all the obvious ramifications that go with it. I know if it happens it will hurt, but I also know I will get through it now - I am a better man today & hopefully tommorrow, because although I made mistakes (not being God you know) I have learned & accepted responsibility for "my life now". How big of me to accept responsibility for my life some may say - but oh how easy we find it to blame anyone else for so many of our misfortunes. <P>I in an attempt to teach this lesson early to my 9 year old son Nicholas recently explained to him how it was actually partly his fault for "recieving" penalties in his greatest joy, the game of hockey. He of course wanted to know exactly how he could possibly be responsible for someone else hitting "him" with "their" stick, tripping him, boarding him, etc. - he usually manages to draw 2 - 3 peanalties a game & once in a while the Refs actually call one (to all you Moms & Dads concerned, my son wears the best safety equipment available - he has never been hurt yet & finds it quite funny that this keeps happening to him - as many times now the other kid winds up down & out). I explained to him that because he is the smallest player in his league because of the age cut off being 3 days after his birthday & the shortest player because of genetics, & because he "loves" this game he naturally has become quite good - & that is why it is his fault because my little Scamp frustrates the living daylights out of kids older & bigger, and occasionally I guess they feel foolish. He & me have a wonderfull relationship & he knew it as the compliment it was meant to be from his loving father - if only everyone could be so pure, honest, innocent, trusting, and occasionally humble would be happier - but I guess sometimes trust gets broken & "situations" arrise from seemingly nowhere.<P>Rob don't give up the eventual possibility of being as generous towards your W, I think you have been cut deeper than me. Time, time sometimes if we wait for it can & will heal many if not all wounds - it is amazing how much we judge ourselves as if the person we are today is now & forever who we will be. You may not be still a child but we all are still growing, at least the good folk who continue to post & surf here. None of us are here because we are not open to change for the better - but yet many of us are harder on ourselves than even those we feel hurt by, Why?<BR>WE ALL DESERVE BETTER - AFTERALL WE ARE ALL CHIDREN OF THE LIGHT - COMPLETE WITH SOULS & A FATHER IN HEAVEN WHO LOVED US ENOUGH TO MAKE US IN HIS OWN IMAGE - EVEN OUR SPOUSES.<P>Slow & Steady (its not a race),<BR>Good Luck, Thanks & God Bless,<P>Tim<P>Hey, how did your daughters video come out?<BR>