Hi - I don't know if anyone remembers me but I wanted to report back to all of you with some hope (not all good) but hope all the same. I was where a lot of you now are, it is not a great place. I am in the middle of a divorce after trying all the MB principals for 2 or more years. I have dated some other guys, I have learned so much. The one thing I want to say is that I still love my husband, more than ever, BUT, I can't make him feel what I want him to feel. Just as no one can make me feel what they want me to feel. Yes, he walked out on me and my kids, but it is his loss. I have moved, not as far as I can, but far enough. I have learned to be me, I have gained a better relationship with my kids, I have become more independent than I ever dreamed. I have gained a whole new perspective on my life. No, I do not want a divorce but if this is the way it has to be then so be it. I will make better out of it, not pity and feeling sorry for myself. I did not deserve this, but then no one does. I just want to tell everyone out there who is still in the throes of sadness and despair that there is an end to this tunnel of pain. You will come out the other end, perhaps a better and stronger person than you went in. Not every day is wonderful, not every day is even liveable, but I make it and I look for the best out there. My children are with me, they still smile, they still sing and they still say "I love you Mom". That makes it all worthwhile. My prayers are with all of you out there. I have made it, not with a happy ending, but with an ending, which is better than no ending at all.<P>Loveu

Thanks for the hope. I am wondering if and when it ever will end. We need all the good reports we can get.

Hi loveu<BR>Not here as much anymore, but happy to see your name!<P>I do think things will get slowly better from here my friend. I am in the same place you are. I appreciate all I have learned. Some days I still wish desperately that I could replay things with H. But most days I look forward to the future, with that odd mingled sense of optimism, apprehension and freedom that I know all of us faced with starting anew in midlife can appreciate.<P>You did your best, and more I would venture. You have the scars and the wisdom to prove it. And I can sense the strength and resilience in your words.<P>How are the kids settling in? Did H settle down with OW? Do you still run into them everywhere? In many ways I sometimes feel blessed that H moved 300 miles away - although for the kids it is very very tough.<P>Take care, post or email when you can.<P>All my best to you loveu, <P>Starpony

Hi Starpony<P>So glad to hear from you. I have often wondered how you were doing but I lost your email address. My address is shirlspeet@aol.com if you ever want to email me.<P>I am doing great and have met a wonderful man who just loves me to death. I also have found the true meaning of love and not just in words. My kids are doing great and go to spend every other weekend with their Dad. He is still in his apartment on his own and still says he doesn't know what he wants. Still tells me he loves me and I also still feel for him but I know I could never, nor would ever want to go back to him. He did too much to me emotionally to ever take that risk with him again. I believe he might settle with her but I do not think it will last. They appear to be fighting constantly and he still doesn't know after 3 years if he wants to be with her or not!! What does that tell you?<P>Anyway, life does get better. I am happier than I have been in years. My divorce should be final this summer, which is sad in some ways, but it is also the beginning of a new life for my kids and I.<P>I only see my stbx when I drop off the kids and I only see ow very occasionally at the grocery store. She moved out of the neighborhood last summer (yeah!!!). <P>I am in the process of getting a puppy for my daughter who turns 12 next week. Life is going on and getting better by the day. I went home to Scotland in February with my 2 kids and spent some wonderful time with my family.<P>Write me and let me know how you are doing. I feel you sound a little better, I just pray that is the case. Just remember that you can't walk through a new door until you close the last one behind you! Take care of yourself and I hope to hear form you soon.<P>Shirley