I was a bit confused if the e-mail address you left at the end of the note was for me to respond to or if you wanted me to keep my responses here. I certainly did not want to cause any more trouble. So to play it safe I'm here.<P>You asked your H to stay until you are "done with him". Do you really think that you will reach that point? What you are trying to do is allow him back in hoping you will eventually be able to hurt him by telling him to leave. Perhaps, but you will still get your heart ripped out. I think you really want to save your marriage and you should. As hard as it is to do you need to start letting go of your anger about the A. Very hard to do but it does happen. Have you read any books about affairs. The Harley's Surviving an Affair is mentioned here a lot. I read Private Lies by Pittman. This book really helped me a great deal. I only wish that I could get my STBXH to read it. Think he would learn something about himself. Unfortuanlty that is not for me to do he has to chose that road himself. It pains me a great deal to know that my H who still says that he loves me and cares for me sees D as the only way to deal with his personal problems. He seeks happiness that has to come from himself and he thinks that there is someone out there who can give him that.<P>Your H lack of affection is another thing that I experienced. It hurt so much to hear him say I love you to the kids but not to me. When he told me he wanted to move and I agreed he took me in his arms and told me he loved me for the first time in months. Now again he shows no affection but the situation is different as he is really talking D this time. He has made it very clear that his mind is made up and not to try and stop him.<P>I wish I could tell you that things will work out. A lot of that depends on how you guys deal with the aftermath of the A. Your H is still either in fog or withdrawl and are very difficult times for the BS. Just hang in there and PlanA with all your heart. I hope very much that your H will seek counselling with you. My H is very self centered and always needs to be right so counselling is a major threat to him. He knows what a jerk he is but feels he can never change (translates into changing seems too difficult).<P>One thing I think you have going for you is that the OW in your case is married and she lives near by. My OW was very young, very needy and lived overseas so his fantasy life with her was peaches and cream. Even after 5 years he still had feelings for her and called her up. Guess what she agreed to see him! STBX has some doubts about this relationship now but still thinks he needs to give it a try to see if see wasn't the one for him. Tingly feelings forever and all that rot! I read here a lot where even if H does leave and ends up with OW it will die a quick when reality sets in. Affairs are fragile things that can't handle much pressure.<P>The road ahead of you is long and bumpy and no one can promise that it will work out. The best thing you can do is approach every situation with dignity, do everything in YOUR power to save the marriage and be good to yourself and your baby. At the end no matter what the outcome you will at least be able to hold your head up high and know that you tried your best. Everything happens for a reason, it is just waiting for that reason to appear that is so hard.<P>Take Care Connersmom.<P>

Just wanted to bring htis back up so you would see it.<P>Always hoping that no news is good news?!!<P>Let us know.