I've been married for three years now. We have been having problems off & on... When one day I asked my wife to be honest and out of the blue she says she is not happy & wants to leave. She also expressed to me that she doesn't think she wants to stay married. Her solution was to leave with my child & move back to live with a friend or her mother.... She quote said, "I need a month to think about us.." She has also made it next to impossible to stay in contact with them... How do I get out of withdrawl back to some sort of Togetherness..<br> We had set up appoints for counseling just before she left went to one and she didn't want to go to anymore... Please help I want this marriage to work...

Man, I am with you... My wife came home from vacation this past Monday and said that she wanted to leave... and soon. I knew we were having some problems... not much sex and stuff, but she said she justs needs to get out of this for a while and see if this marriage is what she really wants and to see if she is still "in love" with me or if she can be again. So, without any resolution, she has made her decision and she is going. It is amazingly hard for me because I don't have the same feelings and I want themarriage to work. I am not an obsessive or anything, I just know that we have something really special. She is just confused about her feelings the best i can see it. I am sure there is no one else in the picture, but that is little relief. The best thing I can say and what has been working this past week is that I have been giving her her space and letting her go. I fought with her the first day about it and it only made things worse. It sucks having no power and when they don't see the marriage as a 50/50 thing, you just don't know what to do. Well, there is nothing we can do... it's not about us, its about them and the only thing that bothers me is my pride... it's hurt. I am mentally moving on and in the same turn, hoping for the best. Keep your head up and make sure your child's needs are met. Sorry this is happening... I know it sucks.

Majktuch (and Koaster):<p>There could be lots of reasons for your wives to be leaving: it probably boils down to the fact that staying is painful for them and they see little hope for the marriage.<p>No matter what the symptom is (separation, affair, filing for divorce), you need to take positive action. That means that you need to discover what you're doing to hurt your spouse (lovebusters). There's a questionnaire on this site for lovebusters: I'd suggest that you print it out and see if your wife would fill it out and go over it with you. If she will, post back here and I'd be happy to go over the rules for sharing it (basically YOU keep your mouth shut: no anger or defensive comments). If they won't take it, you fill it out from your wife's perspective.<p>Then you need to work very hard to eliminate those lovebusters. You'll have some time to do this, becuase your contact with your wife will be infrequent. I suggest that you both do "marriage counseling" on your own: find a counselor familiar with Harley's work who will coach you through this. <p>If you eliminate those Lovebusters, your wives will likely see the change and think about giving you a second-chance. You need to do an excellent job in CONSISTANCY for this: you can't do it for a few days and then blow up because you don't see a change. Expect a 3-6 month timeframe for this to be effective. When you do slip up, immediately apologize and learn from your mistake.<p>It's a tough situation, but the only thing you can work on right now is improving your behavior.