Is "friendly divorce" (good divorce) possible ? Do all divorces bring the worst of us (especially man) even if he has affair and hurt wife in the first place ? By good divorce I mean considerate and reasonable from both sides, not for the cheated wife to give in everything, and if the wife has been handling husband's affair in a civil manner and with diginity and integrity, would that be enough for cheating H to be reasonable and considerate when it comes to divorce if he files D ? <P>Otherwise I don't understand why man has to be so cruel ?

Speaking from experience it may be possible.<P>I was grateful for any consideration on his behalf at first, thought that we really were different. But, as pain has set in, coupled with enevitable rejection it is very tough. I think you need to get in to the state of acceptance before it can be "friendly."<P>Welcome to this board, the people here are going throught, like myself, or have already gone through it. Much wisdom can be found on this board.<P>Good luck and wekcome!

I went through a semi-reasonable divorce last year.<P>It is possible.<P>My story may be unique. More or less it was because I was pretty hurt, so I didn't really care what i got or what she got or whatever all I cared about what that the court would recognize that the child she was carrying was not mine and that all our assets were taken care of.<P>So I did give quite a bit, but my own personal mental health is worth a few possessions I think. I have my friends and family and my own self esteem.<P>(not to be rude but not paying child support on a child that is not mine is also a good thing)<P>It all boils down to how much do you REALLY want that tv or car or desk or... well whatever.. Just remember what is important is YOU <P>-J-

Maybe, but it isn't my experience. I plan A'ed my infidel for two years, without any regret or apologies from him. Finally, I filed for divorce. Even though we get along fine, he's completely unreasonable and demanding everything possible. He doesn't want to pay child support and has asked for a significant amount of spousal support. He still acts like a victim, as though he was the wronged party.<P>I think the driving factors relate more to the waywards guilt or denial about the situation, and how he chooses to manifest those emotions.

I never plan a or b'd my spouse.<P>actually i don't know exactly what a or b is.. I just found the board through a friend <P>Most ugly divorces come from (IMHO) 2 things, Greed or revenge.<P>Completely unreasonable demands are just a means to express your feelings, IMO again. Although my only demands was to get it over with as fast as possible I still left out some venting and I still carry with me some baggage from the whole thing. I did lose out on some of my most cherrished belongings, however I think back to what I may have or may have not wanted and if I were to keep those things with me It would more or less remind me every day about the pain and humilation I have endured through it all. <P>I'd rather save some self-respect and get new things.<P>To Distressed:<P>I think your divorce is a more classic thing happening these days. Both sides want as much as they can get, thinking possessions are the only key to happiness.<P>That is a shame because I know that I am more happy knowing that I am above material things and that I am going to live my life from here on out the way *I* want to.<P>I really hope that he comes to his senses and realizes that money and belongings aren't everything to life and that he really starts to think about what he's doing.. It could cost both of you more than you think..<P>Best wishes<P>

I am not being greedy here, but having gotten stuck with the big expenses, car, high rent house... I can't afford to keep the car, and I can't afford to get rid of it.<P>I am trying to keep almost everything, but it is not out of greed, it is a matter of anything I give up, I cannot afford to replace.<P>He chose to walk away, I have to rebuild my life. I don't see why that should cost me. It was not my choice. <P>That said, I am not bitter about it. He is doing what he feels like he needs to do. BUT I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PAY FOR IT.<P>I am not keeping anything from him that he needs, or is solely his. Gifts, and the like. But I plan to hold on to quite a bit of the "community" property. <P>So far this has been a friendly thing, but I will not sacrifice any more than I have to because he couldn't do his part to try and make this work.<P>BD

aye,<P>I can understand that. Obviously if my car wasn't something that was mine before everything happened I'd certainly have to put my foot down on that.. My car is my life and I couldn't afford to just replace it at whim.<P>I took what I needed.. My sanity =)

I certainly hope to retain that as well. But since I have to move, due to being short of funds to keep this house with my single income I have started to pack.<P>Well needless to say, he calls and says that he needs something that I have packed... I told him that it was packed in with other things and I was not going to fish it out now. I would get it out when I was done moving.<P>Of course he got snotty and hung up on me. Too bad for him. i just don't see why I should have to bust my booty to get things for him that he moved away from just because he decides NOW he needs it. <P>I won't keep things from him that belong to him, but I am not going to disrupt what I have to do just to suit his timetable.<P>May make me a more dislikeable, but moving all my stuff by myself is hard enough without me guessing what he might need/want would be a nightmare.<P>BD