I have a very Important question it is for the ladies that have remarried their ex ? Or Thinking about reconciling<p>My wife of 7 years is divorcing me and she has said that she needs to be Divorced before we can Ever think about starting over again. She is So angry she tells me she can never come back. Then she wants to know everything I do, every detail. <br> Here is the short story on our relationship I have not always been totally truthful with my wife over the past few years. It has always been about money and stupid little things that men seem to do.<br> I have lost her trust and she doesn't believe in me any more. She tells me I am not even her friend any more. over the past 3 years we have been to counseling on and off and she has told our counselor time after time to "GO BY MY ACTIONS NOT MY WORDS”<br> So we ended up getting in a big argument one afternoon and she picked up the phone and called her lawyer and told him to file for divorce.<br> That night I ask her if she filed for divorce she said I have done everything but sign the papers. Then the next morning I was reading my e-mail and found a message to her good friend, that said she had found an apartment and was moving out that weekend. So I called her at work and asked her again what her plans were I got the same answer as I had gotten last night. So I took her at her word and had my lawyer file our response. Then I get a phone call from her and she said she was never going to file but just wanted a separation. So she pack up and left.<p> Now I can't stop the divorce She wants it. I have a lot of Guilt feelings and I have made a 180 as far as my honesty with her .<br>But she said its to late. In have told her I will wait as long as I need to win her back. <p>Now have any of you ladies ever wanted your Divorce then after what kind of time frame did it take you to even think about becoming friends with your Ex then remarriage ?<p>Any help would be wonderful <p>Thanks Jim<p>

Hi Jim,<br> i'm kind of in your wife's situation. with the trust thing. I know what she means when she says "look at his actions not his words." I say that too! Sounds like she is the type of person that needs to be shown love and not told "i love you". your actions can totally knock out what you say. So to me before she starts thinking about trusting and being friends with you, your going to have to SHOW her some change. I dont know how your wife is, but i'm in the same situation *not divorced yet but getting there* the thing is to SHOW her you have changed and Prove to her your honesty. simply by being HONEST with her and the things you do. If you do something TELL her before someone else does, or she finds out on her own...that is proving you have nothing to hide. I hope that you two can become friends that is a step foward.<br>*note this is only my ideas not saying this is the way things have to be, it is the way things are with me and my marriage*

Hi Jim....<p>I have been in exactly the same situation as your wife although I wasn't married to the gentleman (engaged). We were together for 7 years and I was totally committed and in love. He began telling me little untruths, which inevitably turned me into a private detective. Lies are very damaging to a relationship as well as a person. I did break up with him for 8 months and finally agreed to try it again. Maybe someone else can get past the problem, but I just wasn't able to ever completely believe in him again, which I feel is very vital. I'm not saying that your wife couldn't get past the problem because everyone is different. I can tell you right now, when someone lies to you, especially your spouse, it brings up a wall that is very difficult to tear down. If the situation were reversed, you would possibly understand. Like I said, each person is different and I am just telling you that it didn't work for me. We did eventually become friendly again, but only after a lot of pain, but as far as a "bonded" relationship goes, that will not ever be. I hope your situation will be different and you and your wife can work things out. Just remember that it's a long road that will require 'A LOT' of understanding from you. It will be a long time before she believes any thing you say...if she ever does. Good luck...everyone deserves a second chance...just remember...honesty, no matter how painful...is always admirable.<p>tlbirdie