Tomorrow is Easter Sunday.<P>Last year my H spent that holiday with his OW and her kids...I have a card that she gave him on that day that says Happy "first" Easter together!!!<P>Fast forward one year.<P>He dumped her, and came back supposedly to work on our marriage. At any rate, in the end, he did choose me over her - even though I have gone ahead with the divorce <P>I've been having wild thoughts of calling her up, and saying something like "I may not have him, but neither do you!!" And hanging up after blowing a big raspberry into the phone at her.<P>No, I won't do it. <P>But damnit - I do hate feeling like this, and hate that my H is incapable of honesty or marriage.<P>Regardless, he is planning to spend this Easter with me and the kids. That's some consolation I guess.<P>

Hi BR,<BR> <BR> I'm curious, why did you choose to go ahead with the divorce when he came back? I've only caught the tail end of your story(I think you were posting in the recovery board as well when I was but I was so lost in the "fog" at that time that I wasn't paying attention to anything but my own misery)<BR> I worry at times what I will do when/if he ever returns and I'd like to know what your reasons for not taking him back were. You seem extremely level headed(calling up OW and giving her the Bronx cheer aside ) and any insight would be a Godsend.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BrambleRose:<BR><B><BR>I've been having wild thoughts of calling her up, and saying something like "I may not have him, but neither do you!!" And hanging up after blowing a big raspberry into the phone at her.<P>No, I won't do it. <P>But damnit - I do hate feeling like this, and hate that my H is incapable of honesty or marriage.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi BR, <P>Let the great man speak:<P>Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power - that is not easy. .......Aristotle<P>Like many of us, you feel the need to push back when you have been pushed. You're human. IMHO, you show a lot of maturity, genuine wisdom, and real class when you forgo revenge. But darn, I know just how tempting it is!!<P>Happy Easter!<P>Bumper<P><BR>

Dear Nduli: Thanks for giving me a nudge, I have been procrastinating about posting my story! Its VERY LONG tho, and I posted it over in the profiles thread.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254-3.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254-3.html</A> <P>Dear Bumper,<P>Thank you for the quote. You're right, I've got too much class to really do it, but I definitely have my daydream moments!!!

BR,<P>I am SO confused between you and thorned rose, I keep mixing you two up. SOrry . I didn't realize you have asked for the divorce after all that.<P><BR>I have had a rough easter weekend too. I was wondering if OW would choke on a jelly bean or something, and thats bad of me, because sometimes she's ok.<P>I think we go thru strange emotions when we're in pain and its hard to deal with them. We're all good people on the board, and don't wish it seriously, but still I admit to that thought entering my mind this morning.<P>The holidays are tough on us all, hang in there, its almost over, hugs, Dana<P><BR>

Hi Dana,<P>No need to apologize, I had no idea you had me confused! <P>I want my marriage as much as anyone here does, but sometimes reality just bites doesn't it?!<P>I like the jellybean idea, I'll have to restrain myself from praying for a jellybean choking incident on my H's OW while I'm at Easter mass tomorrow!<P>Though actually, I don't really hate her. I never met her and hope I never do. She sounds like an incredibly nasty vindictive controlling woman.

Though actually, I don't really hate her. I never met her and hope I never do. She<BR> sounds like an incredibly nasty vindictive controlling woman. <BR>##########################<P>What I hate is I have met the OW. She is neat, and interesting, 8 years younger than me. Everybody likes her. I wish I was more like her...except that I wouldn't be "making time" with someone else's husband.<P>I am not saying that because she got my H, but because if she hadn't, I think I really would like her. She is interesting, etc...<P>BD

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BrambleRose:<BR><B>I've been having wild thoughts of calling her up, and saying something like "I may not have him, but neither do you!!" And hanging up after blowing a big raspberry into the phone at her.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>That's Vengeance? No, vengeance is when you send a CD-RW of sensitive work stuff she wasn't supposed to have that your XW made to her boss. Doing so on the theory that, well, she was fool enough to forget it in the breakup and she darn well deserves to get bombed out of her profession. <P>At Xmas, I almost didn't hold back from doing it. Now, things are moving again in terms of what she owes me, and I just today received the title from DHSMV to the car that was trapped in her name. She might even finally file our '99 1040. And she's paid me about $5k. So it grows less likely that I'll do it. There's still a chance something could p*ss me off, but I have taken to heart my psychiatrist's warning that he has seen too many ex-couples get locked into downward-spiralling cycles of revenge and counter-revenge.<P>Some days it is a battle, other days I don't even think about it. But one of the things it's important to realize is that once you spring revenge, it's out of your control. It could fizzle. Or it could be a hundred times more devastating than expected ... leaving you guilty, and someone you once loved obliterated.<P>

BlueDays - why on earth would you want to be like someone else? <P>I've been reading some of your posts here lately, and it seems to me that you are really focused on pleasing or attracting other people. <P>Do what makes you happy, and do what makes you interested. Learn who YOU are, and don't yearn to be someone else!! ((hugs))<P>Sisyphus,<P>LOL, this was about *childish* vengence. Yours is adult vengence!!! Unfortunately I don't have any dirt on the OW to use in an adult fashion. I think its for the better though, I need to focus on my stuff, not on her. As for my H, the vengence will come when he wakes up to the big fat reality stick of divorce pounding him on the head. He has some pretty whacked ideas of what awaits him in divorce land.<P>So I don't have to do a thing, and I can survive with my integrity and moral intact! <P>

BrambleRose,<P>No I really don't want to be anybody else. She has a lot of qualities that I wish I possessed also.<P>I am not as worried about Pleasing other people as it may seem from other posts, just wanting to meet some other people to do stuff with, as well as work on what it is that interests me.<P>I am just in one giant rut, having had most of the decisions made for me...so I am trying to get ideas of things to try so I can learn what interests me.<P>BD

Maybe we need a thread where we can post all our *childish* but very justified revenge fantasies...I know I've had my share...<P>Lisa

Hi BR,<P>I did get my revenge. Sort of. The girl that my ex had the affair with was someone he worked with. My marriage was over in 8 weeks, he was not interested in working it out at all. I moved interstate to try and recover. Anyway, in the course of a ph. conversation with him, it came out that he had met her parents and she had met his. Hello, we had only been separated a short while. His parents obviously thought this was quite fine - but then again, he didn't tell them the truth that he had had an affair. (And they never figured it out!!)<P>so, here's my revenge. I rang OW's mother, and told her that her d had an affair with my husband. She actually took my side. Said she had had enough, and that this was going to stop. Said she didn't think much of him, and that her d and I were the only one's that were going to get hurt.<P>I'm sorry I involved someone who was completely innocent in all this, however it was so nice to speak to someone who obviously had morals and values.<P>Apparently it caused a lot of trouble in OW's family. Her dad didn't speak to her. It caused problems betw. them (ex and her) but you know the most unbelievable thing. My ex-MIL now doesn't talk to me because of that ph. call. The only thing that was 'wrong' about it was that it showed her son for what he was. A lying cheating scoundrel........ Aaaaaaahhhhh, the truth hurts sometimes doesn't it?????????<P>Anyway, what was going to be a short story has turned out long....... <P>I don't know that I would ever go down the revenge path again, I prefer to believe in karma. What goes around comes around. That sort of stuff. But that's not to say that I don't have my little fantasies. And have fun thinking of horrible things. The latest fantasy is that ex and his new gf have triplets, all who don't sleep, vomit constantly (not reflux)and generally give them grief....... She wants children, don't know if he wants more. If he didn't have time for the 2 he has, how is he going to manage 2 families???????<P>Anyway, hope you have a great day<BR>hugs<P>Jo

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sisyphus:<BR><B> That's Vengeance? No, vengeance is when you send a CD-RW of sensitive work stuff she wasn't supposed to have that your XW made to her boss. Doing so on the theory that, well, she was fool enough to forget it in the breakup and she darn well deserves to get bombed out of her profession. <P>...it's out of your control. It could fizzle. Or it could be a hundred times more devastating than expected ... leaving you guilty, and someone you once loved obliterated.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>And Sisyphus has arisen... haven't seen hide nor hair of you in awhile! So, now for the rest of the story...<P>Some of us who've been following your saga or docu-drama have wondered about you...<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once<p>[This message has been edited by OvrCs (edited April 16, 2001).]