Hi friends,<P>Another holiday and I find myself very confused and depressed. Its not even one single event, just a combination of everything, and again, I was always VERY into my holidays and making them special with the kids.<P>I know I have to keep it up for them, and I am , but barely.<P>I'm beginning to wonder if I'm going to feel this way for the rest of my life, God I hope not. <P>I know in a few days I will feel a lot better, but I'm really NOT liking this happening every holiday either.<P>Hugs, Dana<P>

I know exactly what you mean Dana. It's really tough for me because I don't even have my child with me to dye eggs or hide candy for.... Just thinking that she's with my ex and her boyfriend pretending to be the family that I was a part of not to long ago makes me very angry. It's like she just cut me out of the picture and pasted this new guy there in my place. She's moving right along as if nothing has ever happened and I'm still stuck here in the past. It's been fourteen months since she left and I'm still missing her and not moving along with my life at all. I'm stuck. Guess all you can do is try to make the best of things because there's nothing else within your power that you can do anyway. Have a good holiday and be enjoy your children. <BR>Jax

Jax,<P>My ex and OW have MY kids tonite. They get to dye eggs and do all that fun stuff. I was so out of it this week, I didn't get time to go shop for the girls or do the eggs. Well today when OW picked them up, I went shopping, got their baskets, and all the stuff to do the eggs and our hunt tomorrow. But tonite, I'm alone.<P>I know what you mean about being cut out and have someone new pasted in. It has been 16 months for me, and I did move on with my life, now I am stuck and going in reverse myself, so I know what your talking about.<P>I haven't seen you post in a while, glad to see you are still lurking anyhow. <BR>Hugs, Dana<BR>

Last year my H told the kids that he didn't celebrate Easter (news to them and to me!). He was supposed to have the middle two Easter eve, but suddenly brought them home at 10 o'clock at night, because the OW's son was supposedly sick. He did end up bringing them Easter candy (for all I know the OW bought it). This year he didn't even mention Easter. He also cancelled the Thanksgiving dinner he was supposed to have with the kids a few days after the real holiday, and never rescheduled it. I suppose there is something to be said for the fact that I don't have to worry about him doing holiday stuff with them. <P>For some reason, he insisted on putting in the separation agreement a clause that would allow him to spend some time with the kids on Christmas afternoon because he didn't want to never be able to see them on Christmas. Of course he took them to her house a few days before Christmas for a few hours for his Christmas celebration, then didn't bother seeing them this Christmas, or calling them, or emailing them.....

Yep. We never really celebrated Easter but I would always give h a huge basket of chocolate on Easter morning because he was such a chocolate fiend. *sigh* Divorce sucks on ice. :P

Yep, not real great here. First major holiday w/out him. When I was shopping for the things for the kids it was all I could to hold it together in the store. <P>We are getting together as a family to have lunch, which the kids will love, but will leave me feeling soooo sad. <P>Hugs to you all!!!!!!!!!!

I can definitely relate - but it's manic then depression for me.<P>The part I hate is the emotional roller coaster - one hour feeling okay, the next devastated, and the next extremely tired and willing to give it up, and the next making arrangements to go live in a duplex side by side in Chicago.<P>I'm PRAYING for a steadfast spirit instead of this up and down yo yo. <P>I'm having a nice time with the kids - just dealing with H's moodiness is a stress! How to live with someone else's rain without it raining on MY parade... I hate being at the mercy of someone else's mood. STEADFASTNESS!!! Give me STRENGTH!<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once

Hi Ladies, <P>Thank you for writing.<P>Nellie, I'm sorry to hear that he doesn't even call the kids for things like that. I can't say I understand how you feel, because my ex takes them, but I know it must hurt incredibly for the children. It makes me sad to think how much they all suffer in all this.<P>Nduli, Yes, I used to buy him a big hershey kiss every year and a basket. This year I made my bf a basket but felt eerie for a moment while shopping, I almost picked up the hershey's kiss out of a ten year habit.<P>Hopeless, my exH and I celebrated a holiday together like that when he first left, because it was weird on the holidays. As sad as I am now, we had to do away with that, because it was TOO painful for me, so it has to be this way, for us, anyhow its been 16 months so it would be a little odd, but I wish you strength today.<P>OvrCs, the roller coaster is the worst. I've been on it for 4 weeks now myself. All I can say is, I'm ready to get in my swimsuit this summer, but really I just wish for days when everything is "even" too. No ups and downs, no crazy thoughts, just surviving for me and my kids, and how nice it would be for my special someone in my life to support me a little more when I'm down. I am going back to work outside the home,specifically for benefits and I plan to try some antidepressant meds for the first time. <P>In a way, I feel like a failure, because I made it this far without them, so why now? But also, I feel like I've tried everything and I am getting nowhere. I read a book about anxiety's and there was a section in there about manic depressant, and obsessive compulsive disorders. I think all of us go thru a very real and very similar physical and mental state just like those problems with the divorce. We may have not had those problems before, but I know I have some now.<P>If your sad, be sure to find some answers and do what you can to get happy, thats what I'm trying to do. <P>Hugs to all, wishing you peace and prayers today,Dana<BR>

You know, a friend of mine called yesterday because she's struggling with depression because of Easter...<P>After we talked for a bit, I came to the realization that we seem to build up the holidays in our minds, and then focus on what we DON'T have, and forget to think about what we do have.<P>My friend was depressed because she has cut ties with family members, and she won't see them. Then I reminded her that her holidays in the past were huge stressers, and that this holiday would be stress free - that she could really enjoy Easter this year!!<P>And she agreed, she hadn't thought of it that way.<P>I woke up this morning, still depressed about this anniversary of my H's affair....and then decided that I was going to be happy, because she was out of his life, and even though we are divorcing, I won't have to deal with HER as a step mom to my kids!! <P>And you know, the day suddenly got brighter. I'm going to eat too much candy today, I already know it. And oh well!!

Dana,<P>Sorry this weekend has been hard for you. I agree with BR about building up the holidays and then thinking about what we don't have. Concentrate on what you do have!<P>Oh, and eat a couple of Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs! Those things are VERY healing! <P>Love,<BR>Mitzi

<BR>Count me in. It was H's weekend but my holiday, so he's had them since Friday. I picked them up this morning for church and they are mad ... it is now *my* fault they didn't get to sleep in and didn't get to spend Easter with Grandma and they are treating me like cr@p.<P>I don't deserve this manipulation by him through them. And they deserve better too. It isn't a day for hate, but I am sure angry with these people who don't seem to care what they are doing to these kids in an effort to hurt me.<P>THAT hurts more than anything.<BR>

Hi Dana,<P>Know what makes me happy? Planning my next event with my son. Looking forward always reduces the focus on the present & past, so I keep my radar set to long range scan <P>This <B>is</B> going to get better. But it's not <B>"it"</B> that's going to get better, it's you. I'm still a newbie to all of this, so the "I know how hard this is" rings a bit hollow in my ears, but, I'm sorry you are feeling down. I know it hurts & I know it's not fair, but at the same time you need to foucus on something to make <B>YOU</B> happy, and that may or may not always involve your kids....<P>I am determined to spend the time I don't have my son, concentrating on me, and the time I do, on him. Hopefully that will make me forget about her...<P>Take care & I hope the easter Bunny brought you alittle something.....<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

For all the years I knew him, I don't remember my H's parents ever calling him on his birthday or on Christmas. They almost never exchanged gifts. They didn't even always send cards. He had one birthday party in his entire childhood. He always felt that his father favored his brother, and it was definitely not his imagination. <P>I am sure his mother loved him, but I doubt that his father did. I think he is still looking for his father's approval. I don't think that there is a lot of hope for children, especially sons, whose fathers are so cold and distant, to grow up to be loving fathers themselves. I don't think it makes any difference what the mother does.

Hi Dana,<P>I'm sorry you're down. I just posted something to Lisa which you had replied to, and I said something there that might be prudent here too.<P>'TOUGH TIMES DON'T LAST, BUT TOUGH PEOPLE DO...'<P>That was said to me by someone who basically knows my story, but not the details. He noticed I was down, put his arm around me and just said it. It's become another little mantra to myself. I will survive, and you will too my friend.<P>About the meds, please don't worry about that. I'm almost at the 2 year d-day mark, and feel myself sliding backwards. I'm thinking about going to see my dr. this week. My way of looking at it is that I need to keep myself on top of things for my sake, and my children's sake. If meds help me do that, then so be it. I know that I won't need them forever, but if I need a little help dealing with all this, then I will.<P>You have so much good in you, it comes through your posts. The way you care about others. I admire you greatly for that. I seem to have dropped the ball lately, and am feeling guilty about just about everything. Funny mood today I guess.<P>Bramble Rose was so right. We often do forget to concentrate on what we have in our lives that is good. I know in my prayers at night I thank God for everything that I have (not the material things) but somehow I seem to forget it during the day......... I almost have to keep reminding myself that I have so much love surrounding me, two healthy beautiful girls who love me, and my health. And that is worth more than anything.<P>You will make it through this, and one day, when our lives are so filled with happiness and contentment, we will look back on this time and appreciate that we went through it. I will. This experience has made us all better people. My mother commented on how much more relaxed (???) I am, and how I'm less inclined to get stressed about silly little things. One positive improvement already!!!!<P>You know we all love you and will be there for you no matter what.<BR>Enjoy your time, do things for yourself. Make some bath bombs!!!<P>love and hugs<P>Jo

Hi all,<P>We made a point of doing something special LAST weekend, since we knew that she wouldn't be with me this weekend.<P>For the past two weeks we've been doing a little something every night.....mainly decorating blown-out eggs. We also did window decals, and a few other Easter decorations.<P>For my part, I went ahead and made up an Easter basket for my daughter. She'll get it tonight after I pick her up from daycare.<P>So, what did I do this weekend?<BR>I spoiled myself.<BR>I had picked up on the 'shaving' thread on the Recovery forum and so I experimented with Nad's. Did my legs. Also bought a product called 'Pretty Hands & Feet' and some fingernail polish. I gave myself a manicure and pedicure while watching some girl movies and indulging in sweets. And just for fun I got a temporary tatoo and stuck it on my ankle.<P>Sunday I went to church. We renewed our promise made at our baptism and had communion. For me, I was asking God to help me overcome my anger towards my stbx. I almost started crying in church again.<P>But I think what was most helpful for me was having my family around me. The rest of the day was spent with my parents, siblings, and their children. We're making plans for a 'girl's weekend' to go to a trading fair in another town. And now the men are saying that they need to get together and do something. The divorce is actually bringing my whole family closer together.<P>~Amy

I totally know what you mean. Even after starting my Easter day with Sunrise (church) service, spending a terrific day with my family, I am still very low & depressed. I tell myself all that I am so fortunate for but I still feel empty & lost.<P>Time is the best healer, so I guess that is what we all need to do-wait it out. It will get better.<P>Petrie