i have worn this thing out. i've thought about this forever, i've talked with my best friend many, many times, and everyone else that will listen. so now i'm asking here and hope one of you will give me that little something that will let me make this decision. i can't make up my mind to move back in with my wife of 26yrs. or go ahead and file for a divorce. i can't decide if, or i don't know if i love her or not. how does one know if you love someone or not. a couple of years ago our marriage was stale, there was not passion, we hadn't had sex for at least a year. then i met another woman. i fell madly in love with her, i thought, and 5 months later i and my wife were relocated. so now its been 18 months and my miserable affair is just about dead. i now know i don't love her and probably never did. i've read some of the articlees about this on this site and agree with what an affair is all about. my wife want me to make up my mind. but i still find other woman attractive and want to be with one that is more attractive, younger, and more sporty. yea i kno;w this is tacky but this is how i feel. i had just about made up my mind until valentines day came along. i found that i wasn't looking forward to buying v-day gift. i didn't enjoy shopping for it. but i really enjoyed shopping for gifts for the ow and a couple of casual female friends. i think too, if i go back it may be for convience sake. anyway, i guess this is enough to get some responses. thanks for your help.

Frankie,<p>If you go back with the attitude that you are willing to work on eliminating lovebusters and fulfilling your wife's emotional needs, then I'd advise you to go back. Recovery is a two-way street, and your wife will need to commit to doing the same for you. <p>I'd suggest that you find a marriage counselor who is familiar with Dr. Harley's techniques, and start working together on the marriage.<p>You ask about love. It's not just a feeling: its a choice, and a decision. The fact that you've had an affair points to a selfishness in your life that you're going to have to address. You're worried right now about your needs, and if you're ever going to feel in love, and how you love younger, more attractive women. You, you, you. The only successful relationship you will be able to have with that mindset is one with yourself. And that'll get pretty lonely.<p>You need to be more concerned with your wife. Contributing to her happiness. Meeting her needs. If you want passion in yout marriage, be RESPONSIBLE for it. Find out what you need to do to make your wife respond passionately. <p>Your wife is going to need a reason to meet your needs, and work on this marriage too. She will probably be hesitant to trust you (rightfully so). You're going to have to start with this, and hopefully she'll join you in the recovery process. But I suggest that you find out what your wife needs, and start doing it.