Well guys, last post was gettinga little long and frankly difficult to dissect. Much wonderful, thoughtful and caring responses, thank you again. <P>Thank you JL for your last post. I have been thinking today about how my stinkin emotions keep getting the best of me. Will I ever be able to act instead of react? I surely hope so. Someone mentioned, I believe OVrC's that it may help to consider "worst outcomes", so that I am not regressing back to my "reactions", to have a plan. Goos idea. Then to allow my self to be pleasantly surprised when good things happen.<P>On to today. I asked H if he was coming to church with us, as he has always joined us at least on the two usual days, Easter and Christmas. No, he needs to study. I reacted. I said that he mentioned studying last night but chose instead to watch a Jackie Chan flick. Could you please come with us so that we can do something together as a family? Studying seems to be such a convienent way out for you. No he replied. I reacted. Said all he thinks an=bout is his DA** school, it makes me sick. You use it as an excuse for everthing. I dont want to hear from you one word about your homework cause if it were that important you would have studied last night as you said you would and not using it as an excuse to not go to church.<BR>I walked away, pissed.<P>As I was getting ready he came and said fine Dara I'll go, just what do you want me wear? Read sarcasm. I said I am glad, thank you. Alittle later I see him in his sweats, and ask why he isn't ready it's time to go. He lays in hard. The only reason I want him to go to church he says is that I am trying to influence him into doing the right thing. Went on and on, I am leaving you ( in front of the kids,), and your or your church has 0 influence on me. Surprisingly, I said nothing. I knew there was no constructive thing to say. Keep in mind this guy used to be so spiritual when we first married, in church 4-6x weekly for bible studies, prayer meetings, etc.<P>So we came home, had an Easter agg hunt, lunch. I went off to get ready for work, he was cooking. When I came back he complimented my scrubs, but looks cute. (???) Then reached out and asked for a hug. Said I know you are mad, could I get a hug? Kissed me too. (me with wobbly knees ) Could I bring you dinner? No thanks, I am working in another city tonight, prob too far, but thanks. Ok than I'll have something for you when you get home. Thank you for the offer, and the hug I replied.<P>Went to work thinking MAYBE I could work this out and stay. this is great. Looking forward to seeing him when I came home. So, long story short, I get home, and he is doing homework, then goes to bed after 10 minutes. Said Oh do you want some ham or something, from across the room. No thanks anyways I said. I was craving his attention not 3000 calories.<P>I dont get it. Why the kiss? Why the hug? The sweetness of offering to take me dinner, then having it ready when I came home, for nothing? Just an oh btw did ya want some ham?<P>Well, as I was driving in to work, I was thinking that somehow, someway I really need to figure some things out using rational not emotions. He's being sweet, maybe I'll stay. An indifferent [censored], well see ya. Not good logic.<BR>He can make me feel so darn good yet bring me down so low. Honestly tonight I do feel lonely for the attention I was hoping for, yet I also mentally prepared myself for rejection. And wasn't too surprised when it happened.<P>Is this normal? Basing decisions (moving for me) based on emotions in a situation like this? Or am I way out there?<P>How can I deal with this rejection? And lonliness? When the answer lies next to me at night. No I take that back the answer should ly within huh?<P>Will it get easier if I stay? To not want to run away every time I am wounded? Or to want to lavish love on him when I think he is being nice?<P>You guys have definitly given me food for thought to stay. I am working it out in my mind wondering. He is SO adament that we WILL get a D. Takes away all hope whenever he gets the chance. Funny thing that I learned a few months back, whenever he expressed in vague ways that this is hard for him to leave, that he does indeed love me I would ponder andbecome absorbed with it. And the next time he was cruel I would ask why he expressed to me the other night that he does love me and and maybe in the future it will work out. He always denied it. Took away hope. So I learned not to question him about it, to hold him to it. To let it be. He has said numerous times that he has made up his mind and nothing will change it. He will never hate me in the future, maybe just the opposite. But is careful to never admit there might be hope.<P>So, is it worth staying? I want to protect myself from heartbreak again. For me it is easier to leave than to wait here 2 years just to watch him walk. Control issue yes I see it. plus, now I really am not sure if he would be willing for me to stay, and considering the fact that he believeds I have thrown him out three times in the past 10 days I dont think he would feel safe.. I have not thrown him out..He has only left once, I said I didn't want him back, he says that he never left, he just packed up his clothes in the car because he was afraid I would cut up his clothes or something. (Weird, I would never nor have I ever threatened that) Other two times he packed but didn't leave. <P>Ok, if you aren't sick of me yet please respond. Would love to hear your input. Anyone remember Stuat Smalley from SNL? (Dana Carvey) A member of several 12 steps programs but not a licensed therapist? Who has to look at himself in the mirror and say "Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggonit peolple like me." Had to keep reminding himself that he really wasn't such a screwup. (actually he was <P>I dont have the self confidence to believe I can do this. To plan A with D looming. To know that it will all be ok.<P>Dara

Anyone here?

Dara,<P>You are missing something very important in all of this. You are missing the fact that what you are watching in your H is "his" internal struggle with himself, not you.<P>You keep thinking a lot of what he says and does is about you, but it isn't. It is him fighting with two very strong and conflicting emotions. One emotion says: protect yourself from this woman she can and has hurt you deeply. The other emotion is: I love my kids, I love my W, I need to be a good H. <P>Dara there is a war going on within your H. It is a war for the very essence of his self-esteem, his feeling, his love, everything that makes up his soul. The delayed studying is very reasonable given that he is probably quite depressed. He knows he should be studying, but he cannot because there are so many things on his mind. He wants the pain over, the "easy way" is D. The hard way risks losing himself.<P>The only issue in your marriage is quite simply are you part of the solution or are you part of the problem. He loves you and you love him. That much is settled. Please realize this, and quit taking his internal struggles as being attached to you. Indirectly they are, but what you are seeing is the battle within himself.<P>For the most part he must heal himself. But you can apply Plan A and help yourself and begin to also help him. The issue isn't really what you are doing today. It is what he fears you will do in the future. It isn't what he does today, it is how he determines that he can survive.<P>Dara, this is deep and troubling stuff, but in order to help you must step back and realize that most of what you are hearing is his internal struggle. You need to try and become the wife you want to be. Someone he can live and work with not someone running his life. If that happens and he can see it you will have a much better marriage than you have ever had.<P>This struggle is why you see a "loving" H one minute and an angry H the next. The war is on, and the battle rages. Don't get caught up in it. You don't need to throw gas on the fire. Just realize that he must work this out, but you can help by letting him see the W he can have if the battle tips toward kids and you.<P>Think about it.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

I can't say it any better than JL has said it...<P>and dear, dear Dara...<P>...remember what I've said several times now...<P>Do you want to be right, or do you want your marriage?<P>I hear that you want your marriage -- but you want it the way you want it NOW! Honey, that CAN'T HAPPEN... not RIGHT NOW... time, my dear woman, TIME. <P>Hang tight!!!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Very enlightening JL. As I stated before, I am sooo caught up in my emotions that I fail to realize his "internal struggles." Great point, it will help everytime I feeel rejected to remember that.<P>I have been so set in my ways to leave these past few weeks. To reconsider staying seems foreign to me. But, as I look at my children I see they are hurting too. And will hurt even more in the absence of their father.<P>We have a beautiful home here, I have a great job that lets me work whenever I want, great school system here for the little ones and still have him to lie next to at night. So why flee? Because dammit nobody has "the right" to do this to Dara. Hmmpphh. Real mature thinking there huh? If you dont want me then you cant have ANY part of me, to include the kids; because you have set off on YOUR OWN path, disregarding your family and the hurt you have inflicted. So go ahead, go your own way I will too. Difference is is that I have the responsibility of childrearing while you want to go climb Mt. Raineer with your girlfriend.<P>WOW!! Where did all those thoughts come from. I am dissecting my reasons to leave to find any rational justification in it. The ONLY justification I DO find is revenge. Making him "see" what he has thrown away. BUt, problem is what he is giving up on (me) makes sense to any reasonable person; including you all here. My shortcomings seem to be very transparent. Ideally what he needs to "see" that he is throwing away is a woman who truely loves him and does not ever want to hurt him again. Who can acknowlegde her role (99.9%) of his pain. But that wont happen right away will it? Not running away like this. Same old me.<P>This post seems to be more of a vent rather than seeking help. But I have come to these conclusions BECAUSE you all have pointed them out to me. And so far everyone here seems to be on the right track. Sheryl, I want my MARRAIGE. Secondly, his respect for me. I dont care about being right at this point. So am I on the right track? Or in left field? JL, (envisioning a wise man smoking acigar listening to my follies, as he ponders how he will ever pound into my head the deeper truths in life); I feel like I could ask you to predict the outcome of my marraige since you seem to be so keen to whats going on. So I throw my hands in the air and digress. I could ask you what to do next, but I think I really need to look a little more into "plan A".<P>Comments? Readings? <BR>

LAIG... I never realized how parallel our situations were with these H's going through internal struggles - between self-protection and responsibility!<P>Anyway, I think you're on the right track to begin looking MORE into Plan A - may I suggest you read Colossians 3 - rules on Holy Living where it talks about treating others with kindness and respect - irregardless of whether you agree or approve of their behavior. This has been my struggle choosing to love when I don't agree! But, Jesus did it and He asked us to imitate Him. So, there is one place to start...<P>I'm pleased that you're looking within now and not so much at your H... I implore you to carry on in that pursuit. Why? Because you CANNOT predict your husband's emotional "weather" but you can hold your own in check - it's called STEADFASTNESS - Psalm 51 - David prayed for God to give him a steadfast or right spirit within him. That means steady as she goes... in my book - not up and down and up and down based on the mood of someone else. <P>I woke up this morning that I need to seek deeper inside for a WAY of being that is not so dependent on circumstances. THINK OF THESE THINGS Paul writes in Philippians 4 - whatever is true, right, noble... etc.<P>So, I'm preaching to myself here as well - as you can see from my yoyo posts!!!<P>Hang tight with HIM, recognize his small steps forward and tread LIGHTLY when he does - neither over complimenting him nor blasting him for not doing it quite right.<P>AND keep us posted, I've learned to much not only from you but those who have posted as well (JL and NB that would be you! ) So thanks!!!<P>Have a GREAT day... by the way, what are you doing for yourself in terms of exercise or spoiling yourself!? I'm telling you it really helps...<P>Cheers!<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once

Having a steadfast spirit. Wonderful point. I hate feeling my mmind change everytime his mood does. I will look these scriptures up and pray for them. I have been praying for strength when I am on the downward slope of this rollercoaster ride..and rejoicing when it turns upward. But that is NOT how to live life is it? I have control over myself and how I chose to live. <P>Funny thing is is that I never realized that there was/is a control issue for me. This is why I have found this board so stinkin addicting lately. I've learned SO much about myself. I crave more!! You'r comment about learning from me!!! HA! Put dowm the crack pipe!! Just kidding, I hope that wasn't offensive.<P>For myself, no exercise. Come on; you have all heard of the nursing shortage/crisis. I work like a dog!! Plus I work for a staffing agancy so almost every day is like the first day on the job. My focus lately has beeb all him and my pain. I am slowly breaking out of this nutshell; I need to focus on the kids, my relationship with GOD and myself. Those are good noble things. If I can pull that off, than I truely believe I will be a better person in the long run. With or without him. Maybe happy too <P>I dont want to be alone. I crave the affection and attention that is gone now. I guess that is normal. At least he still holds me at night (with a little prodding.)<P>I suppose I am in a comtemplative mood of sorts now. I just wonder, if there really IS any chance with him. He took his car key off my ring I noticed. Little things like that remind me how he doesn.t want me to be a part of him. <P>Decisions decisions. Stay or go? Still wondering if I should call the OW H. Lovebuster? <P>Dara

Dara, I think JL has outlined the heart of the matter very well, but there are a couple of other points that merit attention:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Learning as I go:<BR><B>So we came home, had an Easter agg hunt, lunch. I went off to get ready for work, he was cooking. When I came back he complimented my scrubs, but looks cute. (???) Then reached out and asked for a hug. Said I know you are mad, could I get a hug? Kissed me too. (me with wobbly knees) Could I bring you dinner? No thanks, I am working in another city tonight, prob too far, but thanks. Ok than I'll have something for you when you get home. Thank you for the offer, and the hug I replied.<P>Went to work thinking MAYBE I could work this out and stay. this is great. Looking forward to seeing him when I came home. So, long story short, I get home, and he is doing homework, then goes to bed after 10 minutes. Said Oh do you want some ham or something, from across the room. No thanks anyways I said. I was craving his attention not 3000 calories.<BR>I dont get it. Why the kiss? Why the hug? The sweetness of offering to take me dinner, then having it ready when I came home, for nothing? Just an oh btw did ya want some ham?<P>Well, as I was driving in to work, I was thinking that somehow, someway I really need to figure some things out using rational not emotions. He's being sweet, maybe I'll stay. An indifferent [censored], well see ya. Not good logic.<BR>He can make me feel so darn good yet bring me down so low. Honestly tonight I do feel lonely for the attention I was hoping for, yet I also mentally prepared myself for rejection. And wasn't too surprised when it happened.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Dara, I don't think you understand what rejection is. What you are experiencing looks a lot more like unfulfilled expectations than rejection, but you are reacting to your own disappointment as if your husband was somehow responsible.<P>Think about it. The other night he offered to bring you an expresso. You accepted his offer, conjured up a little fantasy about how things might go, and then when he did exactly what he offered to do, you were disappointed. Now your husband offers to "have something for you" when you get home, and sure enough when you get home he's got "some ham or something" ready for you. But once again you are disappointed, because for some inexplicable reason you hoped for some "attention" instead of what he actually offered. What you recognized as his "sweetness" has become "nothing" for you, not because your husband did anything wrong, but just because you didn't get something he didn't offer and you didn't ask for. How "rational" is that?<P>Unasked for, your husband gave you a compliment. When you asked for a hug, he gave you a hug <I>and</I> a kiss. He offered to do something thoughtful for you. Regardless of what he says about his intentions, his actions show that he is trying very hard to make his marriage work, to an amazing degree considering his inner turmoil. The only thing he <I>didn't</I> do is read your mind to find out what you <I>really</I> wanted.<P>That whole going-to-church incident demonstrates that your husband is very much aware that he is being controlled and manipulated. He is torn between his desire to make you happy and his self-loathing at allowing himself to be treated like a doormat. Compounding the problem is that even when he does capitulate to your demands or do something to try to make you happy, when he reaches out a little and allows himself a scrap of hope, he keeps getting slammed for it. This guy has a real stubborn streak; I think most men would have given up by now.<P>So. First, stop hoping that your husband will suddenly open up and becoming adoring and attentive. That's just not realistic. Learn to appreciate all the little things he's doing.<P>Second, work on being understanding and honest with your husband. <I>Ask</I> for what you want, and be specific. (Asking him for "attention" is likely to baffle him, and in his present state of mind, that might make him defensive.) Also, be careful not to ask too much. If you insist that he single-handedly work some kind of miracle to suddenly make your financial situation more tenable while he's still in school, you're only going to chase him off. He's not a miracle-worker. He's a hurting human.<P>And finally, <I>please</I> try to get rid of your resentment over his schooling. His education is clearly something that is very important to him, to which he may even have attached his self-esteem at this time when everything else in his life seems to have spun out of control. He probably sees your lack of respect for this need of his as a lack of respect for <I>him</I>.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Learning as I go:<BR><B>Decisions decisions. Stay or go? Still wondering if I should call the OW H. Lovebuster?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Contacting the OW's H would be a huge lovebuster, and you haven't yet tried Plan A properly. Also, do I recall correctly that your husband is/was not in a PA? If you are "only" dealing with an EA, what can you really tell the OW's H? (I don't mean to minimize an EA, but face it, an EA involves ambiguities that don't exist with PAs.)<P>In my own opinion, it would be a mistake for you to relocate. It has become very clear that you really haven't given your marriage a chance, and your timetable for moving doesn't give you enough time.<BR>

Dear LAIG,<P>I am glad you are here and being honest. Patience and time are on your side. Learn to make them your friend and not your opponent. <P>Your H needs to feel wanted in your family. I know that because that is where my H is coming from. I have taken care of so much for so long that H no longer feels like a contributing member. You know the giver in me is now making me his opponent. When I need to be his companion and friend. <P>Take this and the advice from JL, NB and the others to heart. We don't want you to go be as stubborn as I was. Heaven forbide that!!! My skull is quite thick due to age? No due to shear stubborness. Learning that giving is not always healthy (when it turns into enabling) was hard for me to comprehend. You are younger and have better reflexes for learning. Take advantage of it. <P>Ok, enough of the mothering. I know you get this. In the meantime, love and be his friend. He will come around in due time. Don't be sickly sweet, be genuine. Your heart is in the right place just needs to be directed in the right way. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>We have a beautiful home here, I have a great job that lets me work whenever I want, great school system here for the little ones and still have him to lie next to at night. So why flee? Because dammit nobody has "the right" to do this to Dara. Hmmpphh. Real mature thinking there huh? If you dont want me then you cant have ANY part of me, to include the kids; because you have set off on YOUR OWN path, disregarding your family and the hurt you have inflicted. So go ahead, go your own way I will too. Difference is is that I have the responsibility of childrearing while you want to go climb Mt. Raineer with your girlfriend.<P>WOW!! Where did all those thoughts come from. I am dissecting my reasons to leave to find any rational justification in it. The ONLY justification I DO find is revenge. Making him "see" what he has thrown away. BUt, problem is what he is giving up on (me) makes sense to any reasonable person; including you all here. My shortcomings seem to be very transparent. Ideally what he needs to "see" that he is throwing away is a woman who truely loves him and does not ever want to hurt him again. Who can acknowlegde her role (99.9%) of his pain. But that wont happen right away will it? Not running away like this. Same old me.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Dara, it seems to me that you are starting to "get it". Keep up the good work!!! (((hugs)))<P>--BR<P>PS. Dittos everything JL, NB and Gnome said!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by GnomeDePlume:<BR><B><P> Dara, I don't think you understand what rejection is. What you are experiencing looks a lot more like unfulfilled expectations than rejection...The other night he offered to bring you an expresso...Now your husband offers to "have something for you" when you get home, and sure enough when you get home he's got "some ham or something" ready for you. But once again you are disappointed, because for some inexplicable reason you hoped for some "attention" instead of what he actually offered. What you recognized as his "sweetness" has become "nothing" for you, not because your husband did anything wrong, but just because you didn't get something he didn't offer and you didn't ask for. How "rational" is that?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>EXCELLENT excellent EXCELLENT analysis...<P>Okay, what strikes me is a difference in love languages:<BR>1) Acts of Service<BR>2) Time and Attention<BR>3) Gifts<BR>4) Touch<BR>5) ...? can't remember right now<P>It seems your H "language" is acts of service - getting coffee, making dinner - and yours is time and attention - not only do you want the acts of service you want him to sit and talk a while.<P>This may be one thing that complicates things for the both of you. What he GIVES is what he wants to GET. So, if he doesn't get it with you, then YOU can get it with him with <B>no strings attached</B>.<P>Try this... bury your TAKER for at least 3 months - really BURY it... kill it... and commit yourself to GIVING to your H in the way he most receives it - not in the way YOU would like him to receive it through time together. <P>What do you think? Now, given the hope from your neighbor, I'd really recommend you bury yourself in the WAY that Jesus did it... remember the bracelet WWJD? What would Jesus do? <P>You have a chance - I PRAY for a chance like you have... give it time - think eternal... think a lifetime not right here and now today...<P>Blessings friend...<P>ps - no, I'm not jokin' about learning from you!<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once

Dara,<P>I don't have a lot to add to what JL and others have posted to you on your last two threads, just a quick couple of thoughts.<P>First, like a lot of us who have dealt with marital difficulties and/or infidelity you are often confused by your spouse's reactions. If you haven't read all the Concepts articles from the main MB site, I'd like to suggest one <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3600_state.html" TARGET=_blank>here</A>, called <I>Negotiating in the Three States of Marriage</I>. The three states are Intimacy, Conflict, and Withdrawal. You'd think that if you have a withdrawn spouse who just wants to leave, work on things, then start having fights that it isn't working. The truth is that going from a withdrawn spouse to one who cares enough to fight is a sign of progress! My point is that just because all is not love and roses this is not a sign that progress isn't occurring.<P>My impression is that your H is trying to move from withdrawal to conflict, and that this is a sign of progress. Anyway, I suggest you read the article (and the rest as you have time), and see if it yields some insight for you.<P>One other point about moving to Texas. I live here, and it's ok, but I don't think it's so great that it'll solve all your problems . Seriously, I think Dr. Harley's perspective is that absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder--being with your H and meeting his ENs does. Separation (Plan B) is usually indicated only after doing a good Plan A for some length of time and being in danger of losing all love for your spouse due to their behavior (usually an ongoing affair).<P>Hang in there!<P>Steve

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OvrCs:<BR><B> EXCELLENT excellent EXCELLENT analysis...<P>Okay, what strikes me is a difference in love languages:<BR>1) Acts of Service<BR>2) Time and Attention<BR>3) Gifts<BR>4) Touch<BR>5) ...? can't remember right now<P>It seems your H "language" is acts of service - getting coffee, making dinner - and yours is time and attention - not only do you want the acts of service you want him to sit and talk a while.<P>This may be one thing that complicates things for the both of you. What he GIVES is what he wants to GET. So, if he doesn't get it with you, then YOU can get it with him with no strings attached</B>.<P>Try this... bury your TAKER for at least 3 months - really BURY it... kill it... and commit yourself to GIVING to your H in the way he most receives it - not in the way YOU would like him to receive it through time together. <P>What do you think? Now, given the hope from your neighbor, I'd really recommend you bury yourself in the WAY that Jesus did it... remember the bracelet WWJD? What would Jesus do? <P>You have a chance - I PRAY for a chance like you have... give it time - think eternal... think a lifetime not right here and now today...<P>Blessings friend...<P>ps - no, I'm not jokin' about learning from you!<P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>You NAILED it OvrC's. He has brought up tp me recently how I NEVER got up with him in the mornings, ashe does with me now when I go to work early, how I never went out of my way to do things for him that he appreciates. True. the morning thing is just one that I can thinnk of off the top of my head.<P>"Acts of Service." Yes that is how he gives. This is why I had the prob with him "being there for the kids if I were to stay; I called it 0 sacrifice, wouldn't any loving father do these things? Cook dinner, take the kids to school. I blew off his acts. <P>this is something I honestly have never thought of. A GREAT way to show him in HIs way that I love him. Gotta go do some errands. <P>Very perceptive observation there. <P>And Sheryl, I will rest and do nothing. Simple yet profound isn't it? This means no expectations too huh? I bet, being that he is non-confrontational to begin with, that if I do that I will pull my head out of the sand, feel better, and really appreciate and NOTICE the good things he does do that you all see which I have been shooting down.<P>Sorry for the convolouted sentence. True thought they are <P><BR>

By the way... when you're <I>noticing</I> his <B>acts of service</B> go LIGHT on the compliments. Simly notice them... not faint over them. Build small... but consistent. Remember GIVER - GIVER - GIVER...<P>AND, while you're sitting doing nothing - pray. It really helps.<P>One other perspective... your H is a creation of God also, see him in that way, the way God sees him. When you're tempted to look horizontally at him - eyeball to eyeball, you will see hurt and rejection. Get your eyes up, look vertically. Ask God to see your H the way HE sees him, and appreciate the view. I can tell you that it truly is MIND BLOWING and humbling I might add...<P>Okay, I'm off to go work-out - swim laps while the kids have swimming lessons and then an Abs class! Let me tell you, it's a GREAT stress release workin' out... and I highly recommend it!<P>CHEERS!<P>ps - I find immense joy in celebrating the small successes in others! It truly gives me HOPE for the day even if it's not evident in my own life!<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once<p>[This message has been edited by OvrCs (edited April 16, 2001).]