delete post<p>[This message has been edited by Learning as I go (edited April 17, 2001).]

Dara, your neighbor is seeing the same thing the rest of us here are seeing. Your husband <I>is</I> trying. He just doesn't want to admit it to <I>himself</I>, because he is afraid he will fail, and he doesn't want to admit it to <I>you</I>, because he is rebelling against your control.<P>If you can just gain a healthier perspective, stop the resistance from <I>your</I> end, and give your husband a <I>chance</I> to succeed with you, he just may find that he has stumbled back into marriage with you before he even realizes what has happened. You're pushing against each other. Visualize this: what happens if <I>you</I> suddenly stop pushing?<BR>

RULE OF PROTECTION - protect your H now from yourself! You have got to "grow-up" fast emotionally. That means keeping ALL lovebusting behavior in check... <BR>* no angry outbursts - NO NONE<BR>* no selfish demands<BR>* no disrespectful judgments - that means RELAX on any expectations you have of him.<P>Someone once posted for people to learn how the other person gives love so that you can identify it. I thought that was brilliant. It's a small step but if you can identify and validate his TRYING to give love, then <I>OVER TIME</I> he may learn to give love in your area of emotional need.<P>Again, it's over time... but isn't that what you have? Marriage is for the LONG HAUL... nothing is accomplished over night and Rome wasn't built in a day!<P>I'm so excited for you!!! <P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by GnomeDePlume:<BR><B>Dara, your neighbor is seeing the same thing the rest of us here are seeing. Your husband <I>is</I> trying. He just doesn't want to admit it to <I>himself</I>, because he is afraid he will fail, and he doesn't want to admit it to <I>you</I>, because he is rebelling against your control.<P>If you can just gain a healthier perspective, stop the resistance from <I>your</I> end, and give your husband a <I>chance</I> to succeed with you, he just may find that he has stumbled back into marriage with you before he even realizes what has happened. You're pushing against each other. Visualize this: what happens if <I>you</I> suddenly stop pushing?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Do you all really see this? Am I that blind? Or is it just the pain of having him here telling me he doesn't want me that I see. Where or where do you get this hope when he is sooo carefull to crush stomp it and spit on it when either mentions it?<P>Great point about the whole pushing thing. Makes sense to me. Now to actually do it. <BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by GnomeDePlume:<BR><B>Dara, your neighbor is seeing the same thing the rest of us here are seeing. Your husband <I>is</I> trying. He just doesn't want to admit it to <I>himself</I>, because he is afraid he will fail, and he doesn't want to admit it to <I>you</I>, because he is rebelling against your control.<P>If you can just gain a healthier perspective, stop the resistance from <I>your</I> end, and give your husband a <I>chance</I> to succeed with you, he just may find that he has stumbled back into marriage with you before he even realizes what has happened. You're pushing against each other. Visualize this: what happens if <I>you</I> suddenly stop pushing?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>WOW <B>Gnome</B>, talk about genius!! <P><B>Dara</B>, yes we see it... I bet if you close your eyes and rest... think of your H... you KNOW in your heart that he loves you, and that you love him...<P>I once posted something that was quite wise (that happens on occasion )... it was these words:<P>STOP - REST - DO NOTHING<P>Take my advice.<P>STOP - REST - DO NOTHING.<P>I wish I had listened to myself back then...<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck