This is my first time back after being gone from this forum for 2-3 years. My divorce was final in November. I am interested in starting some kind of social life, but most of my friends are married and don't seem to have time to socialize much. I haven't dated in almost 30 years, and was never very experienced at it (too shy). Does anyone have any input on how to meet new people? I did actually send a letter to a single man I've been acquainted with for over a year, but he kindly informed me that he is in a relationship. Just sending the letter took a lot of guts for me. I haven't attempted contacting anyone else. One single woman acquaintance suggested hanging out at the local auto parts store! Not quite my style....

Emma,<P>I once posted that I saw lots of men at the HOME DEPOT ! It was also pretty easy to meet them since they come right up and ask if you need help.<P>But seriously, there is a post out from BlueDays that might give you some ideas. <P>Good luck, Dana<P><BR>

As with a lot of things, where you stand depends upon where you sit. My vote is for udate.com (I think it's better than the competition) ... don't assume you'll find your life partner there, but do go and just enter *all* the details it asks for, and start e-mailing (on the system--they don't get to know your personal e-mail) and chatting. See what develops. It might give you a better handle on what you'll be looking for this time, and give you more confidence that it's probably out there and closer than you think. Good luck.

I feel you should stop concentrating on finding someone to date and take time to enjoy life and reconnect with you. I'm sure you lost you in the marriage. I have been divorced for 14 months. I made the decision not to date until at least 2 years have passed. Why jump into another r'ship and have to meet someone else's demands/needs without first taking care of me? Also I do not want to take ghost from my first marriage into a new one if it should come. I have great peace now and I have chosen to enjoy my singledness. I am planning an Alaskan cruise next summer, soemthing I could not do while married. Yes, i to want to someday recapture the wife role, but this time in my time.

Thanks for your replies. I have spent a fair amount of time at Home Depot and Lowe's lately, as I just bought a house. No luck there so far!<P>The on-line matching and/or personal ad sites are a bit scary to me, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. It seems like kind of an "artificial" way of "meeting" people. Maybe that's a prejudice I need to get over.<P>I'm not looking for another marriage partner; in fact, I don't plan to ever get married again. I am enjoying being single and making all my own decisions. I just would like someone to have a good time with. My social life is nonexistent, except for a volunteer group I'm involved with, and that's made up mostly of married women. We only meet once a month. Basically, my life is made up of work and being a mom to three teenagers. Boring!

Emma,<P>Are you at all interested in civic affairs? Maybe going back to night school? I know it is a little different for a woman than for a man. There just is no shortage of people to meet. In our Bible study class, the men are outnumbered by about eight to one. But at civic and political social functions, it seems to be just about the opposite, lot more men than women.<P>With three kids and four grandchildren, I know how to change a diaper in about 35 seconds flat. I've never seen anything so effective as taking my grandaughter out for a walk in a stoller at the local playground. All I have to do is something silly, like holding the fresh diaper under my chin while fumbling for the powder, and some woman will invariably come over to show me how to do it right! As soon as I hear the "Oh you look too young to be a grandfather" line, the ice is broken. What is it about an old fool with a baby that attracts a woman's attention? <P>One thing I have found that doesn't work at all, that is sitting in my living room waiting for women to knock down the door. Just doesn't happen.<P>Bumper<P>

Thanks, Bumper, great advice! I will keep that in mind. I will check out taking a night class. Last year I was asked to run for school board, and that may be an option in another year or two, when I'm not so involved with this other group (I'm currently finishing my third year as president).<P>I've started getting out more, going alone to movies, concerts and hockey games.<P>By the way, babies and toddlers are automatic magnets for women.

But the real question is...what is the automatic magnet for men????<P> <P>Lisa

Exactly! Can you help us out with that one, guys?

As a man, at least last time I checked, the only thing that I feel that would magnetize me towards a woman is if she appears available. We men are strange and shy creatures. Our huge ego's prevent us from doing a lot of things for fear of rejection. I don't think that I ever made the "first" move on a woman. So it's up to you girls to take the lead.<P>Good luck

LostHusband,<P>That makes for two of us. As much as I like women and enjoy their company, I'm terrified of prospect of rejection, and I won't make a move to let a woman know that I find her attractive until we've known each other long enough have at least a friendly acqaintance. That way if she turns me down, at least she won't say anything cruel. But make a move on a stranger? No Way! Probably has something to do with the fact that I wind up meeting and dating an endless string of "assertive women". The last woman I dated, well, we knew each other for two years before we so much as did lunch. That was at her invitation.<P>Bumper

Bumper & LostHusband,<BR>At least smile at us and say HI! Most of us women are also the shy types, and we are affraid of rejection too. Usually, if we find ya interesting, we'll smile back and say hi, how are ya?. Bingo! LOL<P>Oh, and puppies or dogs are good magnets too (at least for us dog lovers).... and puppies/dogs combined with kids... Watch out! <P>Emma,<BR>I know what you mean about having a hard time meeting single men. I've signed up at udate.com, and another nice one is FriendFinder.com (they also have a sister site called AdultFriendFinder that is a little more.... ummm... well, ADULT in nature LOL). You do get some weirdos, but I have actually met a couple of nice men that way. One I see about every 10 days or so for dinner and sometimes a movie (I've told him that I'm not looking for a "relationship" just someone to hang out with and have fun with, and he feels the same). There are lots and lots of online ways to meet people, yahoo and MSN have personal ads, and there are a lot of free sites too. Just be careful that you don't sign up for one of those kinky sex match maker sites by accident! LOL <P>Well, I'm off to visit Home Depot, Home Base, and any other do it youself stores.... gotta keep searching! ROFLMAO!

Butterfly<P> Smile. I'd like to conduct an experiment to see how this attraction thing works.<P>Subject A - A man walks into a bar to find a companion for the evening. After spending much cash buying drinks, talking, and dancing with women he decides he must go home empty handed again.<P>Subject B - A woman walks into that same bar, sees three handsome young men standing in a corner. She walks over, picks one out, and ten minutes later she can have him driving her home.<P>What is wrong with this picture? Us men a just week creatures. <P>By the way, if "Subject B" ever picked me with my luck when we got home she would probably show me the scars from her recent sex change operation (ha ha)<P>Love, Bill<P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-

the way i look at it,<P>since i survived being rejected after a 15 year marriage,<BR>i can easily survive being rejected after asking someone if they want to hang out for an evening or afternoon. that's hardly really big up there on the hurtful rejection list.<P>However, a very well respected CEO of a consulting company told me once that he found "athletes" to be the perfect employees. Why? because they can lose, don't take it personally, try to figure out how to be better, and come back to try it again. IOW, they don't give up easily, plus they practice, practice, practice to be ready for the next encounter.<P>I once raced (sailboats) against someone who was told to me to be very good. I asked him why he was doing something that looked so obvious to me, and he said he didn't want to have to remember it in the heat of a tactical battle. My coach then told me his mantra: "every race, even the olympic trials, or championships, or world championships, is practice for the next race and regatta." its all just practice being able to take advantage of a great opportunity.<P>He has a gold medal.<P><B> Practice, practice, practice </B><P>of course you will make mistakes, you are not special, and you will survive. do it as a lark, you never know. and you just might learn something about yourself.<P>i asked someone out just as a lark, and egads, its sort of working! <P>