A couple of months before our second anniversay, my husband came home and said he wanted a divorce. I suggested counseling and he said it was too late. He told me there was no spark and probably never was, that he wasn't in love with me and probably never was and that I couldn't make him happy. Before he said all this, he said that he'd been thinking about this for some time. Later he told me that he was upset when he said these things. He changed his story one more time and told me that he didn't really know what he was saying, he just opened his mouth and that's what came out. After a lot of talking and crying, he told me he needed time to get his head straight and since I work for a temporary employment service, it would be easier for me to leave instead of him. So I gave him his space and went out of town to stay with my parents. His birthday came up while I was away so I called him and he told me he was happy the way things were. He liked just going to work and coming home, not hanging out with friends and in the same sentence told me he didn't want to be alone. I came back after six weeks and told him that we needed to have a serious talk. After a lot of talking and crying, he decided he was 100% sure that he wanted a divorce. He had no doubts whatsoever. I told him if it was over, I wanted it to be over quickly. So I told him I wanted the divorce papers ASAP. He handed me signed divorce papers about a month later and told me he had been hanging on to them to see if I would talk to him. We hadn't spoken in the entire month. There was nothing more that I could say to him, since he was 100% sure it was over. I never wanted a divorce, but at that point I felt that I could leave, knowing that at least I tried. He ended up tearing up the papers and said that we are in this for life. According to him, our "problems" are that he's white and I'm hispanic - I don't understand him (but his mother does) - we don't think alike (I think he's confusing oneness with sameness) - I'm frumpy (I get a lot of compliments on my clothes and even though we've gone shopping together, my clothes don't meet his standards. He says I should wear skirts so short that I have to shave certain parts and so that when we're walking down the street, men will look me up and down, but he'll know HE's with me) - and the list goes on. He did admit that he is still dealing with issues from his first marriage and that he wasn't even making an effort to save ours. He agreed to counseling, but when I found one, he said he didn't want to talk to a man and he didn't want an hispanic counselor and ... So I told him to find one and he still hasn't done anything. I didn't get married with the idea that if things didn't work, divorce was an option. I believe in "til death do us part". My heart says I did the right thing in trying to save the marriage, but my head says I'm just asking for more heartache.

gina,<p>Your husband sounds like he's extremely confused. His line that your problems stem from him being white and you Hispanic is just a poor excuse to me. There is absolutely nothing wrong with an interracial marriage but there will be problems if the people involved aren't prepared to deal with the realities of such a union (like the idiots that stare when you're together, etc.) If your husband wasn't prepared to deal with those realities he shouldn't have married you. The problem is with him and how he deals with it, not the fact that you are Hispanic, and I hope you never accept one shred of guilt for that.<br>How does his family treat you? That's a reality of any marriage but particularly an interracial one. The in-laws can make it rough. To me this guy is not dealing with reality and he's dumping on you because of it. It's not fair and it's not right. He needs to make a decision to s**t or get off the pot, as my grandfather used to say. I do hope that you both are able to work it out. If your husband has problems with your ethnic backgrounds now what is he going to do when you have children? They will need the firmness of a man with a settled mind and purpose (especially on racial subjects) not a vacillating, undecided one.<br>He needs to make up his mind. It's not as if there are only two or three interracial couples in the country. He can get help on how to deal with it if he wants to. By the way I don't think it's very respectful of him to want you to be dressed the way you describe out in public. Of course any man likes to have a beautiful lady on his arm. Guys look at my wife when I'm out with her, but I don't treat her like she's on display. Your husband needs to get his act together.