I wonder if anyone out there has had the same or similar problem as mine. My XH and I were married for 2 1/2 years. He obtained unexpected custody of his 16 year old D, his only child, 8 months before we met, fell in love and married. We blended our families, mine consisted of a 16 yr old D and 2 older Ss. The girls were the only children still home. XH was the black sheep of a family with 4 children, he being the youngest S, second to youngest child. He had rarely visited with his D prior to obtaining custody, despite attempts. He is a procrastinator and avoids confrontation to a fault. He did not know how to raise his D properly and she took advantage. He allowed it. That was problem one. She stole and lied to my children and me; however, we forgave and forgave. She finally moved out after turning 18 and H's dad got involved, telling my H that his daughter should always come first, above and before anyone else in his life, that he had much time to make up for, for not helping to raise her. My H was so happy to finally get some attention from his dad, that he began (how can I say this?) talking to him like he was the wife, telling him about his day, his work problems, our arguments (after this started)and his dad fueled the flame. I was neglected, he started staying at work longer, calling his dad and/or D as soon as he got home. I pleaded with him to go to counseling with me. He only went once and refused to go again. I pleaded with him to attend church with me, he said he had no time, work was taking it all. I even resorted to asking his dad for advice on how to save our marriage. His dad was evasive. I finally moved out last May. Approximately 10 days after I moved out, he met OW in his hometown (where dad lives) and began an affair that was long distance (5 hour drive) and supposedly lasted until Sept,when she moved across the country. Not once in 10 months did he ask me to come back -until last month, after the divorce was final. Now, he is pleading with me to give him another chance, saying that he knows the mistakes he made, that our marriage should have come first. I had been fine until he started this. I haven't seen him since last May and now I'm very confused, still in love with him, though I thought I was over him. <P>------------------<BR>Displaced

Displaced,<P>Have you read Surviving an Affair? Perhaps that would be a good place to start for you. You can buy it under the Bookstore link here. Also try reading the Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts. If your X is willing to follow the MB principles outlined in Surviving an Affair and the Basic Concepts, then perhaps you might have something to work on...<P>If you can afford it, I'd strongly encourage you to call one of the Harleys for counseling. I've met with Steve Harley quite a bit, and found him VERY helpful in determining if my H was a good candidate for reconciliation.<P>I wish you luck!!<P>--BR