If both spouses earn an income, what are their respective roles in providing for monthly expenses?

A loaded question if I ever saw one.<p>Find the "Policy of Joint Agreement" on this site. It states "Never do anything until you both can come to a MUTUALLY ENTHUSIASTIC agreement". There are also rules on how to negotiate fairly.<p>I'm sensing that you aren't happy with your current financial arrangement. I suggest that you discuss this (no lovebusters) and brainstorm some solutions. There is no one "rule" for this: it should be what the two of you can agree on.

Does the husband have the primary role to provide for his family?

Greeder:<p>Not necessarily. Again, this should be done by agreement. It sounds like you want an opinion that it's "Black or White", and then you're going to try to enforce that on your spouse.<p>If this is the case, you need to do some serious reading. Order the book "Lovebusters". <p>If I'm reading to much into your "tone", then please accept my apologies

Ah, yes - You are very astute! I understand your reply. However, more pointedly I am looking for not what the "90's" dictates for husband and wife, but what Biblical principles could apply that may help direct a married couple in determining financial matters and responsibility.

Old or New Testament?<p>If Christian, I would suggest joint responsibility. If the couple has a strong Old Testament bent, I would suggest that the husband have the primary responsibility; but that the wife having an income in the first place is "inappropriate".<p>You'll be able to argue for either precedent based on Scripture. It'll be tougher if you want to lay the responsibility solely on the wife.<p>I'd also suggest that if you're really interested in a Biblical answer, that you're not necessarily at the right site (although we have plenty of devout participants here).

Yes, according to the Bible, the husband has the primary role to provide for his family. But if the wife is also earning money, I believe the money should be put into one joint account, and the money used to pay bills, or whatever else, should be taken out of that. In a marriage, you shouldn't have the mindset that there's "her" money, or "his" money--it should all be "our" money.<p>According to the Bible, the husband has the "leader" role, and the wife has the "helper" role. Feminists don't much like that idea, but God set it up this way. Whatever dreams the husband has, the wife's role is to do whatever he asks her to, to achieve those dreams--to help him. They are equal in a marriage, but have different roles. (This information comes from a marriage seminar led by Dr. Bruce Wilkinson titled "A Biblical Portrait of Marriage"--it's really good, and Dr. Wilkinson takes all of his information straight from the Bible.)

If marriage is a 50/50 proposition, should each partner contribute equal portions to the household expenses? What if one income is greater than the other?

I think the point is being missed...as husband and wife, you shouldn't think of things as "his" or "hers" but rather as "ours". It is a team effort, not just two individuals living together. One family.

Greeder,<p>You're asking for bits and pieces. Why don't you completely present the situation, and then ask for viewpoints.

That's exactly what I said! Put it all together! Big problems when one starts thinking he is contributing more or less than the other.<p>Greeder: Are you the husband--or the wife? And how do you feel? What's going on? (If you'd like to share your situation with us)

K, I was waiting for that and thanks for the invitation. In our marriage, one partner earns more than twice of what the other earns. One partner has sole ownership of the home. This is the same partner that earns the greater income. At the end of the month, one partner has no discretionary income leftover due to the monthly expenses, while the other partner has much discretionary income to either save, invest, etc. Although this seems fair according to the 50/50 rule, one partner remains disgruntled. Input most welcome.

K, I was waiting for that and thanks for the invitation. In our marriage, one partner earns more than twice of what the other earns. One partner has sole ownership of the home. This is the same partner that earns the greater income. At the end of the month, one partner has no discretionary income leftover due to the monthly expenses, while the other partner has much discretionary income to either save, invest, etc. Although this seems fair according to the 50/50 rule, one partner remains disgruntled. Input most welcome.

It sounds like the "partners" aren't.<p>I'd suggest putting everything into joint accounts, and making financial decisions under the POJA. This includes putting the house under joint ownership (if married, it's "community" property).<p>Now, one of the decisions could be to give each partner an "allowance" with which they could do what they wanted. Including establishing separate accounts. As long as this can be agreed on, it should work.<p>I like to view marriage as a partnership. The scenario you describe is like an "uneasy" alliance. I suggest that you try to make it a true "merger". (Don't argue over who get's to be comptroller...)

My husband is the sole bread winner, and I stay home to take care of the kids. He gives me the check each week, and I deposit it, saving some cash out of it for me to use during the week (on treats for the kids, etc.), and I give him a cash "allowance" for the week, too. He doesn't even have the checkbook, I do. I have the responsibility to pay the bills and manage the money. If I make extra money from doing daycare or from my toy collecting hobby, the money goes directly into our joint account. I used to feel bad that he was the one making the money, and I was spending it--but it was our decision for me to stay home.<p>You both need to figure out a solution which will make both of you feel good about how you contribute to the marriage.

K and sherl, Thank you for your comments. I have posted a more detailed story under the new topic BENEFITS BUT NOT RESPONSIBILITY on this same site. Perhaps it will explain the previous questions I have posed on this page. It will certainly solve the mystery of which I am, the husband or the wife.

Greeder:<p>The Bible clearly states that the man is the head of the household and is therefore responsible for providing for the house and the family therein (including the wife). It also states that the wife is a helper not sole provider, even if you were a widow, the Bible mandates that your H brother take you in and take care of you. The fact that you want to help with the bills alone makes you a virtuous woman and ideal "help mate".<p>Now, I'm going to tell you what my mother did (she's as religious as the alley cat down the street). Like you my mother earns less than half of what my stepfather earns and he tried the same mess that your H is trying with you. The house is in his name, car, you name it, it's in HIS name. So my mother being the wonderful cantankerous woman that she is decided that since everything is in his name, and HE makes most of the money, HE can either pay for it or face foreclosure. While I do know that she does pay the smaller bills (telephone, water, electricity), he pays the big ones and believe it or not it does work. They both end up with money left over. I might add that they do maintain separate bank accounts. She does day care as well and makes enough to support herself if he ever decided to act "funky" which he has on several occasions. But she stands her ground (my mother can be VERY nasty at times). And thus far, he has no choice but to abide by her decision. Now, I'm not saying that this is the answer. You do what you feel is best for your situation.<p>Question: Is this a marriage or a business venture? <p>It almost sounds like your H married you for cosmetic reasons. If that's the case, I can sympathize with you. Our situations are almost identical. The difference is your H does not want to provide financial support, mine emotional support(my post The Trophy Wife--emotional needs).<p>Marriage is supposed to be give and take, a partnership not a dictatorship. I understand that we as wives do not like to talk to our spouses about things that are confrontational for fear that they will yell and scream or just not listen at all. What I did was, I fasted and prayed all day for guidance and at about 2 in the morning when my H was finally getting into bed, I began to talk. Oh, yeah at first I heard the "we are not going to discuss this" and the "I don't want to hear it". But I emphasized that I had to get this off of my chest and whether he wanted to hear it or not he was going to (I said this in a very loving way--not angry or demanding but firm and loving). He grumbled and pretended to sleep but I guarantee you, he heard me and he's beginning to make a change.<p>He may not want to address the issue but it is obviously causing trouble in your marriage. Try and nip this in the bud before it explodes into something that neither one of you wants. My prayers are with you.

Princess, Thank you for taking time to give me some feedback. I read your story under "The Trophy Wife". Many times we need to simply clarify our values and make sure they are based on sound wisdom and principles from the Word and then with God's strength, act on them. Sometimes I have struggled with the matter of divorce. I ask myself "How much am I willing to put up with for the sake of keeping my wedding vows and keeping in accordance with what the Bible says?" I love my husband very much. I don't know what the answer is except to just pray, wait, and try to have the kind of meek and quiet spirit that I Peter talks about. (That is hard for me!)

I see two ways to split uneven incomes evenly: 1. Split them by percentage. Both husband and wife each put 75% of their income toward bills, and each have 25% left over to shop with (rough example)<br>2. Deposit both paychecks into the same account, then take out a set ammount of spending money and split it equally--you could both even have separate accounts for the spending cash so you can use debit cards, etc. without your spouse seeing what you got for his birthday :-)