Hi,<P>I haven't posted a whole lot for awhile but I think about you and your situation alot. I read your post about how it isn't fair that your EH gets to control your life the way he does. You know it really pi**es me off! I think there should be a law that he be required to work. I also hope you keep track of all visits ect. You may be able to get some of his parental control taken from him. If he neglects to see the kids ect.<P>My EX is still the idiot he will always be and I have just learned to live with it. I'm so glad my kids see right through him.<P>Well gotta go, just wanted to check in. We have been here a long time together.<P>Jill

Jill,<P>Thanks for your post. Yes, we have both been here a very long time. <P>My lawyer once said that one could try to get a judge to rule that he had to begin a job search - but there is a big difference between doing enough of a job search to prove it to the courts, or to the unemployment office, and really looking hard for a job. I'm sure he is still looking through the help wanted ads, and I know he sometimes works temporarily. He doesn't have to worry about child care, etc, or spending time with his kids, since he rarely does anyway - he should be willing to work two jobs, or move if he has to to get a job, so his kids don't starve. I always told him that I would be happy to work full-time if he wanted to be a stay-at-home dad, if we could do it financially. <P>My job options are so restricted now, since I can't ever travel, I will always have to be the one that stays home with the sick kids, etc. Our youngest child has special needs and my H and I and her teachers all agree that too many transitions for her during a day, like one daycare to school to another daycare after school would severely impact her ability to progress - but it is all up to me to make sure she doesn't have to have too many transitions, while still somehow keeping a roof over their heads. It doesn't matter anyway, because I figured out that for every additional $100 I earn, I will only get to keep at most $40, after taxes and the reduction in what he would have to pay in child support. If I have to pay additional child care, which I almost undoubtedly would, I could easily end up worse off financially than I am now.

Nellie,<P>Have you talked to anyother lawyers? Maybe yours just isn't doing his/her best for you. I just can't believe a man in this day and age can get by with what your H gets by with. I think he should at least have to help with household expenses. <P>I also hope that someday he really learns to regret everything he has done to his kids. I'm sure that he will be a lonely old man someday. My EX maybe riding high right now but his ride in the clouds will soon end and he'll come crashing down to reality and then what? I think a lifetime of lonliness and regrets while I have a lifetime of only happiness and the future to look forward to. I have no regrets. I know I was a good wife. I know I did what I could to save that marriage. In his state of mind there was nothing I could have ever done (besides win the lottery) that would have kept him happy. He has one priority in life and that is money. New wife has lots and he is loving it right now. I just can't believe he has such little pride and self respect that he would live off of her the way he does; but well, that is his problem. I'm proud of myself. I have done very well doing this single thing and I kind of like it. I am very fair when it comes to the kids but I don't let him bully me. I am the one in charge and I let him know that.<BR>My kids know that too and don't value much of what he tells them anymore which is really sad. I think they feel that he gave up the right to tell them what to do when he left us for another family. We really have fun together the kids and I. I don't have alot of money but hey there is more to life than just money. Laughs are free!!!!!<P>Well you take care,<P>JIll

Jill,<P>I can't afford to spend any more money on lawyers - I haven't gotten a bill from this one yet, but she's going to send it as soon as the house is sold. <P>My kids don't really trust their father anymore either. One time he called to say he wasn't coming because he was sick, and one of them immediately questioned that.<P>Unfortunately, he knows the kids are desparate to see him and will take whatever crumbs he throws at them. <P>