My stbx and I have been spending the afternoon trying to iron out the agreement so we can get the divorce moving.<BR> He's proposed some things that are making me feel a bit wary of him. He calls me on it telling me he's never been the type to screw anyone over(ahem, I never thought he was the type to leave me for another woman either, so there goes that idea)<BR>I told him I can't be sure who he is anymore, I'm not there, I haven't seen him in almost three months, how can I be sure of anything? I feel like if I just blindly sign things I'm giving him free access to pull a number on me.....<BR> And that is a realization that is twisting the knife in my chest. There was a time that I trusted this person with my life and who I would have thrown myself under a bus for. It's such a horrible thing to realize that he may very well be gunning for me and trying to manipulate me further into a bad posistion. He's so cold to me and just doesn't get why I would think that he has anything but my best intentions at heart.<BR> I'm crying again. The day started ut nice but now...I'm crying again.

Don't do or sign anything that your not comfortable with. I am not at that stage yet but it is soon approaching. Take your time while ironing out details. Don't make any rush decisions or agree with something just to move forward. You need to watch out for you. I love my wife with all my heart, body, mind and soul but when it comes to the details of the divorce, that she wants not me, I will make sure that I am comfortable with all arrangements. <P>Trust is a word that has no place in divorce.<P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-

I am sorry for your pain.<P>IMHO, you need to do what is best for you. You no longer have a trusting relationship. Your relationship is now business. You would not let a business associate put something in a contract and then tell you they would never do that.<P>It is terrible that we have to do this. But many of the things that my stbx told me she would never do she has done. My response is to get as much as I can down on paper. OUr divorce settlement is the contract of our new relationship. I will follow it to the letter and I expect her to do the same.<P>Good Luck to you. And all of us.

Hi there,<P>I'm sorry we all have to go through this. I know exactly what you mean when you say you don't know him anymore.<P>I agree with the others, don't do anything or sign anything that you're not comfortable with.<P>I hope your days get better. Take some time out for you. Do something that you like doing. And always remember, we're here for you.<P>love and hugs<P>Jo

Dear Nduli,<P>Your pain due to distrust is normal. Yes, there was a time when you trusted this man, but you are not dealing with the same person/personality that you once trusted. <P>So, you can be 'cautious as a serpent yet innocent as a dove' or have blind trust. I know you will opt for the 1st option, since it was advice given from the wisest man that ever walked this earth. <P>Be prepared, do not sign anything you are not comfortable with or do not understand. Your gut instinct right now needs to be running at top peak during this turbulent time. Not to be wary but to be aware is the key. <P>When that other man that has taken over your H's mind leaves and your H's sanity returns, he will appreciate your effort to keep things right. In the meantime, his hurtful non-appreciative acts should be viewed as a bad side-effect of the fog. Don't take that personally. Easier said than done. <P>Please remember that when I need it brought to my attention. <P>Thanks,<BR>L.<P>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited April 19, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited April 19, 2001).]