I have an extreme problem with premature ejaculation during sex with my wife. Overall, our sex life is very satisfying for both of us, but sometimes she really is frustrated by my lack of self-control--understandably so. Because of my problem, she often does not experience orgasmic completion during intercourse. A friend once told me that men who have had a history of heavy masturbation growing up and on into adulthood or more likely to experience this than others (which characterizes myself). I am aware of some physically-oriented non-drug therapies that require my wife's active participation through sexual exercises. Does anyone know more about these type of treatments or have had experience with them?

ditto.<p>Go to Dr. Ruth's web site for guidance. I haven't tried the control exercises yet, but my wife has agreed to help. I'm hoping it works!

ditto, i'm beginning to notice that certain topics result in more responses. i think a lot of people find the subject of ejaculation distastful. also, i've noticed that most of the posters are woman, or at least they appear to be and they may not care to comment. i posted a question about excess weight and no one responded. i wonder if it could be that many of the posters are overweight and find the subject uncomfortable? i think excess weight is a serious love buster, especially for men. i've got a problem you might wish you had. i take prozac for chronic depression. it has changed my life and made me a new man, but, i now have a hard time finishing, if you know what i mean. i can go forever. i don't mind too much but it does cause my partner to feel a little disappointment. you might want to give it a try.

frankie<br>I am maybe speaking out of turn, but I don't believe that your post was ignored because we women that post here are over weight. The fact that we have marital problems and are looking for support and advice somewhere other then in our spouses doesn't not automatically lend oneself to come to that conclusion. I read your post, and although I firmly believe in individuality and likewise, expressing it, for once in the last few months, I felt very lucky. I am no beauty queen, but I am certainly not over weight. My husband and I have a lot of problems, but if I did have a weight problem, he would never be so selfish as to point it out to me (I know this because I used to be). I do not mean to condemn you and I will probably be jumped on by many on the forum, but if outwards appearances are so important to you, maybe you need to look to the inside to see why. Excess weight may make it uncomfortable to make love to your SO, but when you truely love someone you don't even see the physical appearance. My husband is over weight and I think that he has the sexiest butt, the strongest arms and a smile to die for. If it is truely a love buster for you, why not encourage her; offer to cook and make healthy meals, for a few weeks do a workout routine that is suitable for a beginner and work with her and instead of doing it to help her lose weight so that you can be attracted to her, do it so that she can be healthier and live a long life with you. I appologize if this post sounded bitter and judgemental, but I think that when someone bases their love on something so shallow, it says something about themselves.

My husband of 15 years also has always had the problem of premature ejaculation. We never let it be a problem in our sex life. We just concentrated on more foreplay and he always made sure I was satisfied. Now he is depressed and taking Zoloft and it causes the opposite. He has had trouble finishing, which is more of a concern to him than me. But, we are learning to deal with it. I am not complaining! I just try to reassure him that it's ok. There are some medications you can get by prescription for this problem.

My husband of 15 years also has always had the problem of premature ejaculation. We never let it be a problem in our sex life. We just concentrated on more foreplay and he always made sure I was satisfied. Now he is depressed and taking Zoloft and it causes the opposite. He has had trouble finishing, which is more of a concern to him than me. But, we are learning to deal with it. I am not complaining! I just try to reassure him that it's ok. There are some medications you can get by prescription for this problem.

samL, thanks for the response. i'm glad i have you to discuss this with. i want to go on with it. so i welcome your and others responses. dr. harley wrote that having an attractive spouse is one of the 10 important emotional needs. he also points out that this need is usually closer to the top of the list for men then woman. and, this remain so into the senior years. why is it that something that is fundimental important, so often, to men, is seen as superficial to woman. you mention that i should appreciate what's inside. you're right, and i do. but inner beauty is no substitute for outter beauty. you also right when you suggest i support my ws' efforts to be physically fit for the attractiveness of it as well as the benefit of increased longevity. i/we have long term memberships in the very best fitness center in town. i encourage her to go with me to beautiful places to walk and run. i walk and run with her encourage her and i do not tell her that's she's fat. i wouldn't dream of being that mean. now that we are getting back together and my need for an attractive spouse has been valided by dr. harley, i explained to her the significance of this issue because, as we know from dr. harleys' teachings, we have to let our spouses know what we need. and to hellp them with these needs. and while i thinking of your comment about the emotional need, attractive spouse, being superficial. think about this. many, of course not all, but many woman place a mans' height as a priority. i recently saw one of the tv magizine shows where there had several woman pick their favorite man from a lineup of men. all the woman were given information on the men. the shortest man, i think he was 5ft. 3in. or so, was a brain surgeon, had been published, had a black belt in karate, etc.. the other men had fewer non physical attributes. yet, none of the woman picked the short man. they were asked why they didn't pick the short man and most had no real reason. so why is it, men are criticised for being attracted to outter beauty and yet they, so often, are attracted to an equally insignificant attribute.. as you may guess, i'm short, at 5ft.6in. i accept this as a handicap to attracting woman but it is tradition, remenber the song, about the tall, dark handsome man? it's just a fact of life. i just want to share this and hope we can discuss it.<br>

Thanks, all of you for your input. I've found some good information in all that you've been saying and I'm sorry to have brought up a more technical sexual problem in a forum more devoted to the more emotional dimensions of spousal relationships. By the way, my wife is 11 years older than I ('m 35) and while she is not a beauty queen in the worldly sense, she is my beauty queen because we love each other......even when she gets frustrated at me. Thanks again.

Ed,<p>No need to apologize. We are all here to help each other with whatever help it is we need. <p>Frankie,<p>Define beauty. I by no means would be found on the cover of a magazine or on a run way in Paris. I am however very beautiful. I take good care of myself and I dress nicely. My hair is always perfect and my face is flawless, so much so that I never need to wear makeup. I am also what you would consider overweight. Yet I am constantly asked out. Of course I turn them all down as I am married. I would imagine that even though your wife may be over weight this does not make her UGLY. What exactly is it you are looking for? I see the need for you to feel attracted to your wife but have you looked at what it is you use to measure attractivness? Just my thoughts. <p>Steph

ed, <br>I do not subsrcibe to the theory that you suggested. I feel that premature ejaculation is caused more my the mind then the other head. Just relax and enjoy it if you arrive first help your wife finish. Or finish her first so the pressure is off of you then try to give her a second one. Practice makes perfect so keep experamenting untill you are comfortable and this problem is way in your past.