S had an early socccer game this a.m. STBX couldn't be bothered to show up due to his stupid bike ride . I sit and watch my S score his first goal and am so proud but dad is nowhere to be seen. S goes to other dads for the High 5's. STBX shows up late for D's game and then invades my space and life for 4 hours. He follows us home as if nothing has changed in our lives. <P>I could not even speak to him today. I hate him so much right now.<P>He acts all nicey nice until I ask him if he is going to get the kids and I tickets to fly home this summer. We go home every summer. He gets this look on his face that says f**k no but lies and says I haven't thought about it I guess. Ya you have you selfish no good S.O.B. I can see right through you. You would fly one of your gf anywhere at the drop of a hat but won't send your kids to visit Gma.<BR>What happened to, even though we will be D just ask me for anything? What an A$$. I knew he didn't really mean it.<P>I don't even know this stranger anymore and I hate him. I hate having him in my house, I hate talking to him...why because I love him and he hurt me more than I ever dreamed possible. I never want to see him again!!!! <P>What bothers me more is that I rarely get angry but man am I there today!!!!<P>Okay, now the tears have gone. Today I almost feel like filing for the D myself just to get it over with. I am meeting with another Atty. He is supposedly the best in the state. Recommended by a very satisfied customer! <P>Thank goodness I have a party to go to tonight. I really need the distraction!!! It is a retro party and we are all dressing up. Should be fun!<P>Thanks for allowing me to vent. Now to go make my dip for the party.

I'm sorry he crapped out on you guys like that. I got caught in traffic & missed all of my sons match today. I bailed early on the ride so I could get back, but everyone was returning from the OBX & a normal 20 minute drive took me over an hour. I really feel like a jerk for missing his game. <P>Something in them changes, or breaks. I'm not sure what it is, but they're not the same persons we married. And that's what finally lets us quit. Over time they find a way to kill all the love we once felt for them.<P>I hope you have a good time at your party. Getting out and enjoying life is the best cure for a broken heart. <P>I was out & had a great time today with a bunch of total strangers (well, stranger than me, anyway ) and to feel accepted by them was the best feeling I've had in many months.<P>This will get better, and although you anger with him is justified, try to let it go and concentrate on you and your kids. The energy is better spent in that direction, trust me. <P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

Dear HopeAZ,<P>Glad to hear about your son's game. He scored his 1st goal. Great!!! Yea, H's miss out on a lot in the fog. H missed out when our son lost his first 2 teeth. H was right there but fell asleep in the living room. When H wanted to acknowledge it, son just ignored him. Too late to make a big deal. H just shrugged it off. Cat's in the cradle attitude. One day, he'll pay.<P>What's a retro party? Hope you had a good time. For me, I had some family over for dinner and cooked crab chippino. Today, I got ambious and cleaned the carpets and went gung ho on using the electric scrubber and stripped my floors. Feels good to be cleaning. So much for my active lifestyle but it makes me happy. Maybe one day I will have someone who will enjoy cleaning with me. Better start training my son now.... ha ha.<P>Never mind H, he will get his due. I know you are a woman of patience. I have taken a lesson from you. I am just not as good as you are. <P>I understand the feeling about anger, hate because you are frustrated at the unreturned love that is rightly yours. Remember the unconditional love your children have for you. They know who is the one showing the love for them. You are a great mom. <P>I feel the same way. Sad Dads. Those fogheads have no clue what they are giving up. We are here for you. Let us know how it goes with the lawyer. Hoping the best. <P>Some states allow the wife to claim for the monies H spent on OW in the divorce proceedings. Hmm...... Something to think about.<P><BR>Take Care,<BR>L.<p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited April 21, 2001).]

Sorry you are having to see the ugly side of the person you married! Like I said before, you never really know someone until you divorce them!<P>I'm going to D's first softball game of the season on Tuesday. The X will be there, for a change. Last year I was there in the stands for all but one game, and I usually sat by myself! <P>I know how you feel. Don't let that anger consume you. It will burn you up inside. A friend of mine who has been divorced twice has let his anger and bitterness rule his life. I've made a personal vow not to follow in his footsteps. I just made one tiny little mistake: I married the wrong person. It was not my fault and this is not your fault either. So your STBX is an a**? Good riddance, then!

AZ,<P>Sounds like we're moving down this path at about the same pace. I just went through my first *really angry* phase with stbx. <P>Compilation of advice given from various friends: "face it, he's being a jerk. And he's going to be a jerk for the next several years. Just expect it from him. And don't expect anything from him -- nothing nice. He doesn't have the interests of you or your child(ren) in mind right now. He's only interested in himself."<P>You go and do what you have to do. Build a network with your family. See if Grandma will come visit you instead this year! (Afterall, there's a little extra room in the house.)<P>Do what you know in your heart is right. Ask God to help you remove the anger; He will. You don't have to forgive and forget.....only remove the anger. The anger doesn't do you any good. You need to remove it so that you can think clearly and take what actions are necessary for you and your children.<P>I'm wondering if we need to be talking off-list. We seem to have similiar issues.<P>~Amy