I have been reading all of the post for a while and feel I need some input from all you smart people out there. Here is the short form of my situation: Separated for 10 months. Speak with husband almost everyday. Two wonderful children. Husband is in midlife crises. Says he wants a divorce, but has not filed. He is supporting me financially until our home is sold. He wants to start dating again, but says that he still loves and cares about me but "not as a husband should." Anyway, we live in a very small town and he is a prominent business owner in this town. Everybody knows everybody else's business - I want to move back to the state in which I grew up. All my family is in Tenn., I have no family here in Oklahoma, what so ever. Everyone that we know here is either his family or his friends due to business. Yes, I have friends of my own, but mostly we had couple friends. My children do not want to move to my home state with me. I am an emotional wreck over this. I CANNOT AND WILL NOT LEAVE MY CHILDREN, but at the same time, I cannot live here. I think I am losing my mind over this. My husband has made the statement that he does not want me to leave. He says that if he had to he would come back home if it meant that the children were going to leave with me. I do not want him to come back for that reason. It would solve nothing, because he would still be the same person that he was before he left. I just don't know what to do. This is not a legal situation, but a situation of the heart. I am truly heartbroken over having to make this kind of decision for my children. We have a 15 yr old daughter and 10 year old son. They will lose all their friends and family that they have known all their lives. I do not want to be selfish like their father has been, but I do not think I can keep my sanity her in this little town. I am trying to have their best interest at heart, but I don't know how I am going to ever have a life while I am still living here. His family loves me, and hates what he is doing to his family, but of course they will support him in what he decides to do and I will be left out in the cold. I love my children with all my heart. For the last 2 weeks, I have felt on the edge of a nervous breakdown. He cannot seem to understand the position that he has put me in. He thinks I should be able to just go on about my business as if nothing has happened. I have prayed and asked for God's intervention in this, but I am not seeing any resolution to it yet? Any help???<p>[This message has been edited by Rdhead10 (edited April 21, 2001).]

Dear Rdhead10,<P>I am saddened that you are here and feeling the anxiety of it all. I would like to say that children are resilient. As a child that moved many times, I fought my parents each time but did adapt quickly. Maybe your children can go spend the summer back in your home state. <P>Matters of the heart are hard to resolve. Have you looked over the info on this site? NSR has a welcome post for all who have posted for the first time. There you will learn the basic steps as shared by Dr. Harley and his staff. In addition to that they have prepared questionnaires that are helpful in self improvement and in turn be able to help our spouses. Meeting the needs of ourselves and our spouses are sometimes different than what we thought. <P>There is also phone counseling sessions available that are quite helpful. They can be individual or as a couple. <P>Your feelings of despair are normal. Time and patience will make it easier as time goes on. Right now everything is overwhelming and there are those here that can help you keep things in perspective. I am fairly new here (since Jan 01). Many have been here much longer. Keep checking back and reading. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Welcome <B>Rdhead10</B>...<P>(Thanks <B>Orchid</B>...)<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>You haven't told us what you want with your marriage?..<BR>Dd you want it saved?...<BR>If you haven't filed for divorce?.. why not?...<P>If you're wanting to save your marriage...do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>If you're not... it is time to assess your situation...<BR>...and the best way to do that is with a clear mind.<P>If you're really close to a "nervous breakdown"...<BR>...see a doctor...<BR>...limit major decisions until some medication/therapy can help!<P>Don't rule out antidepresants...<BR>...they are not sinful...<BR>...they can help!<P>You bring up the point "This is not a legal situation"...<BR>...about moving out of state...<BR>...it actually may be... you may have to see an attorney!<P>You aren't alone...<BR>...stay here and seek more advice...<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

Thanks for the imput. Yes, I do want to save my marriage and I have been reading and doing the Plan A with very little results. I believe that our marriage can be saved, however he does not feel this way. As I said earlier, he is in MLC. All classic symptoms!! I keep hoping he will come out of it. I am going to see a doctor very soon and hopefully get some counseling for myself. Yes, my children are fighting a move. This is the only place they have ever known, and I hate to put anymore stress and heartache on them right now. As to it being a legal matter - it is not a legal matter yet. I have discussed this move with my husband. He doesn't want me to go, but he also understands why I feel that I must go if he divorces me. He loves his children, but not enough to fight for the. It will be in divorce papers that I will get custodial care of children and they will live with me where ever that might be. I am seeking legal counsel already, but since nothing has been filed - per lawyer - why rock the boat. I work for a doctor so I have not moral objections to antidepressants, but I just don't like to take alot of medication myself. I have not filed for divorce, because I am trying to live biblically (sp?)ie: wives do not divorce your husbands, but at the present time, I know that is where we are heading, unless God does a miracle in his life. I have people tell me to hold on and not give up, then there are those that say get on with my life. I am trying to do both. I will keep checking in on post and reading. I just needed some imput from others that have been there - done that. <BR>Thanks,<BR>Tina