Well, H should get a call from his atty tomorrow about the officical papers for divorce. Called Verification of Complaint, with all reasons why I am charging him with, grounds, to get a divorce. In those papers it also states what we are seeking, ie, child support, blah blah.<P>I am afraid. Yes, I said it.. Afraid. Afraid, Afraid. Why? Because it is going to piss him off. It is going to take money out of his pocket for an atty, plus he won't like what we are asking for because he doesn't want me to have anything.<P>I know that he is afraid of this. But what I am asking for is reasonable and fair. Fair to me and fair to the kids. he is the one that left and decided He didn't want to pay any bills since he doesn't live here. <P>While I can understand that he wants to get his way and get on with it and get over it, it STILL HURTS that my marriage is ending and somehow I am the BAD one.<P>I want to say, H I love you and I want to work on our marriage but you have told me that you are no longer interested in that and now I must continue forward with your divorce (i initiated because he wouldn't) and now I must take care of myself and not look out for your best interests anymore. I am sorry that You feel that I am trying to Hurt you, but I am not. We have 3 small children to take care of and I must see that they get what they are legally entitled to. I am sorry that I am not "getting over" our marriage as fast as you would like me to. I am sorry that you feel that you have no hope for us. But I am not sorry for this because this is what you want.<P>I never thought that I was afraid of my H, but his words will be painful and I KNOW not to listen but it is hard not to. I guess if all this transpires then I guess all hope will be gone but then again, Hope is never gone until one fo us dies, one of us remarries, or Jesus returns.<P>Sometimes this all feels like a dream and I want to wake up. <BR>Hopelessmom

Oh HopelessMom... I certainly feel for you. You're a step or two ahead of me but it all sounds so familiar. I too have three small kids (3, 5, 7) and this is like a really bad dream... somebody kick me! Anyway, I don't have much to say except soothe yourself... remember that even on the airlines they say "Parents put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others including your children..." So, do what you need to do to BREATHE and be sane in order to protect your kids.<P>Sorry for you that this is all happening... <P><P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once

Dear Hope,<P>I have read your post. Your doing what is in the interest of your family and moving on. This is your decision and I respect that. I want to let you know that you are not the 'bad person' in this situation. <P>You are a mother and wife. You did what you needed to do. You gave your H the opportunity to come home and still love him. According to what you have wrote, he is aware of that. Can he clearly see it or how long will it take for him to realize what he is losing, no one can say. <P>You & I have traveled the same path for a while now. Going through the stages of grieving, acceptance is the final stage before going on. It is not the last place we will be since any life changing even can make us go through those other stages for a while. Please, just remember that you are a mother and a woman. The part of your life you shared with your H as his wife will always be yours. I am trying to hold onto that thought also. That is something no OW can take away from us. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Hopeless,<P>Fear is a natural thing at this point. My STBXW has never been afraid of me and I have never given her a reason to be afraid. After an arguement last week she left to take one our kids to b-ball practice. When she came back she was very tense and told me that she had never been so scared in her life. Scared that I was going to have her bags packed for her when she returned. The thought never crossed my mind. But looking back, I probably should of done that so she would have to start living in reality.<P>You have to take care of yourself and those precious young ones. If this pisses him off, good. Some people only feel pain in their wallets.<P>Good Luck,<P>Love, Bill

I remember getting a copy of my first interrogatory to my wife in the mail. I knew exactly what was in the letter, since my lawyer and I had previously worked out the questions to ask, but I was literally trembling all over as I opened it. This was an actual copy addressed to my wife. I knew she would perceive it as an attack on her - it even felt to <I>me</I> like I was attacking her - and I hated myself for doing it.<P>But it was what I had to do. She had left me no other choice except to curl up and allow her to destroy both of us. I did not feel guilty, but to say I felt "a bit nervous" would have been a severe understatement.<BR>