Hi,<BR>I have been with my with for 6 years and married for 3. About 12 months ago things started getting bad in the marriage and my wife fell out of love with me. I started to notice when she wouldn't even kiss or hug me. She would have sex with me just to make me happy and it was getting serious. She looked on the web and found Marriage Builders and read an article on sexual aversion. It was exactly what was going on in our marriage. Since she read that article we have come to a no sex relationship. <P>She wanted a separation an decided to go to marriage counseling. We have been to 3 sessions so far. She has come to the point were she doesn't even want me around. She has more fun with her friends than with me. She tells me that she has fallen out of love with me but she does love me. Last night she told me she wants a separation to see if she wants a divorce. <P>I know my wife is not with anyone else and she would love to be with me but things are not right. Is there any hope for this relationship? Can a person be in love again with the same person that drove them away? I love my wife and do not want to loose her. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. <P>Thanks <BR>

What does the counselor say?<P>I'm very sorry for your pain... and I don't know if it will help to hear this: but we've all lived with just about the same type of situation in one way or the other.<P>The sexual aversion is another animal that will have to be discussed by others who understand it more than I do... <P>But the other things you wrote about...<P>I hate to ask this, but I will: are you absolutely sure that there is no other man??? I only ask as someone who's been on both sides of this thing (my ex-H cheated several times, and I had an OM once - we were married 20 years)... and when one spouse begins saying things like "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" it often means that there is someone else...<P>Read all over this site, and post often... we're here to help.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited April 23, 2001).]

She tells me there is no one else. And I have reason not to beleive her. She has always been honest and open. Thats why she is telling me how she feels. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by new_beginning:<BR><B>What does the counselor say?<P>I'm very sorry for your pain... and I don't know if it will help to hear this: but we've all lived with just about the same type of situation in one way or the other.<P>The sexual aversion is another animal that will have to be discussed by others who understand it more than I do... <P>But the other things you wrote about...<P>I hate to ask this, but I will: are you absolutely sure that there is no other man??? I only ask as someone who's been on both sides of this thing (my ex-H cheated several times, and I had an OM once - we were married 20 years)... and when one spouse begins saying things like "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" it often means that there is someone else...<P>Read all over this site, and post often... we're here to help.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I know exactly what you are going through. H says exact same thing to me. I ask if there is a OW. He claims and yells "what have I been telling you NO!". Sometimes I believe it other times I don't. H just admitted to his out of love back in Feb 2001. I had to force it out of him. Today it has been exactly a year since we have re-married. Of course, it is just another day to him. We never celebrate special occassions - what was sweet is he stopped by my office and took me to lunch. <BR>I can't believe he determines this whole out of love thing now. We have been with each other on/off for 17 years as BF/GF. Then we married in 1998, he cheated that same time, I divorced him after 4 months of marriage in 1999. We re-married 2000. Now we talk about counseling and possible divorce again if it doesn't work.<BR>Heck! I have no idea. I don't even know why I even put myself through this with him. TO TOP IT ALL OFF. We have two most adoreable baby boys. We both agree they are the best and most important things that happenned to each of us. The H claims this is the final call with his passion towards me. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT!!?? We still have sex. I wish I could refuse him, but I have never done that in all my years with him. ANOTHER THING. I think/know I LOVE THIS MAN.<P>I find comfort and hope in this quote. <BR>"It isn't as if divorce ends the pain, but a recovered<BR>marriage just may."<P>It is helpful to read other people's experiences in this forum. It also brings comfort that you are not alone in your problems with your loved ones. Harley's work also provides great stepping stones. <P>READ ON. STAY STRONG. <BR>It is better to have loved, then to have never loved at all.<BR>

Hi,<P>I can't offer any words of wisdom, because I don't believe that you could just fall out of love with someone. I think maybe bury the love, ignore it, or replace it but never truly just let it go completely. <P>I hate to sound skeptical but are you positive there is no OP and have been no affairs? Some people are just much better at hiding them. I remember a few people who have come here saying similar statements, and later found out there were in fact another person.<P>I don't know that there is an answer to your question, but I don't think you can really force someone to want to be with you. If you do, its out of guilt and they could wind up with more resentment. If you try to force them, they can also try to withdraw even more.<P>I went thru something in my own relationship where someone withdrew from me. I wanted to chase him, I wanted to persuade him, beg him, whatever it took at the moment. But I knew that wouldn't work and I might have second thoughts. So I backed away and took space and gave him space. I also felt it was the end so I started looking at it like the perspective of that we were growing apart (which does happen). To my surprise, little by little he's coming around again.<P>Now I'm deathly afraid and still withdrawn myself a little but I've made some progress. <P>People can grow apart, I believe that. But when you grow apart, you still have some feelings, respect and care for that person you once loved. So I guess the one thing that sticks out to me, is the "i don't love you anymore". To me that just makes me suspect a possible affair.<P>I wish you the best and hope you find some answers. Dana<BR>

ttocs,<P>Is your wife on any medications?<BR>If so, it could be a side effect.<P>Does she show any signs of mild depression?<P>What have you and she done together lately?<BR>Vacations, 3-day get-aways, picnics, small gifts/cards, etc.<P>Have you tried counseling and Marriage Encounters?<P>Have Plan A'd? Worked on yourself to try to fix the problems that you are bringing to the relationship....trying to fulfill her needs?<P>~Amy