Hello all, I’ve never posted here, I’m usually in the recovery group under a different name. My question to you all, is when did you know it was time? And how did you face the reality of it all?<BR>D obviously happens for many reasons and I’m quite sure it happens to couples who love each other.<P>Just so you don’t think I’m off my rocker, here is why I ask and what I’m getting at. <BR>I am a male, BS, married 6 years, D-Day was about 7 months ago. Obviously I have been through the spectrum of emotions. By definition in the recovery group I would be considered one of the lucky ones. My W has broken off all contact. She is very remorseful and very riddled with guilt over the whole thing. Like most it just wasn’t her style. She wants to do anything and everything to Recover. <P>I spent the first several months going gung-ho with this thing. I educated myself as why A’s happen, what my part in creating a M that left room for an A was, and learning all about EN’s and how marriages can be healed and “made even better” (I’m not so sure I go with that one) <P>Anyway lately I’m not much in the recovery mode. The dust of the initial impact has cleared, and now all the truths of what my W became has settled in and I don’t like it, yes I love her, but I don’t like her very much. Don’t misunderstand, she is working at meeting my needs and trying to make deposits in my love bank. The only problem is, it’s always Sunday and my bank is closed.<P>As for leaving her I look at it this way, if we were just starting out, did not own a house, no kids, no shared finances, extended family, friends, etc. I would have been gone by now. I think most would if this was the case. But this is the real world and all of those factors play a part. <P>I am at a point where I don’t believe complete recovery is possibility for me. By nature I am a very analytical person, I don’t forget anything, if I do stay I will never completely forgive my W, I will certainly never fully trust her, even if she does all the right things. I am seriously on the fence here. If I stay I don’t think I will ever be really happy again and I fear I’ll wake up one day years down the line and walk or worse yet have my own A. If I leave her it opens that ugly can of worms, split the assets, tear apart the kids lives, sell the house, battle for any number of things.<P>I’m not looking for someone to tell me what to do, I would just like to hear about when you knew it was time and if it was ultimately in both parties best interest? <BR>

For me it came as a ligthing strike of insight into my marrital problems. I was on a long distance drive and out in the middle of nowhere the pieces just started to fit together perfectly. <P>It was at that exact moment "I LET GO" Everything from there on out became EZ'er. The hard part is finding that exact moment. You will know it when it happens. It will feel like a huge load just fell off your shoulders.<P>Tex.<P>

Hi po'd,<BR>It appears that most of the sages are either otherwise occupied or ignoring us. So, I though I'd comment on the coincidence of our similar situations being posted at about the same time. I'm struggling in my own way with the question of moving on or not too. Sooooo, I don't have any answers but it should be interesting to see where we both go from here. As you can see on my posting today...I haven't given my WS much of a chance to "prove" himself since he decided he wanted to. But, after reading your post, I wonder if not going down that path isn't the right choice for me. I'm really leaning toward sticking to the direction I've started...Getting over and getting on with life.<BR>G.