My wife of 3 yrs has been carring on an affair since Nov. 2000. I found out in January and the next week, at her request, I moved out to give her time and room to think. All I did in leaving was make room for the OM. He was in before the dust of my departure had settled. <P>I have been trying Plan A without any success. each week her mood and attitude toward me has gotten colder and more adversarial. I adopted her daughter from her previous marriage and love her very much. I'm the only father she has ever known. As my wife has become more insensitive, my daughter haas withdrawn from me. My wife tells me the my daughter is uncomfortable around me because I can't control my emotions. (yes, I cried in her presents when she relayed the story to me of how the OM "had too much wine and was acting silly and Mommy got mad and they went into the bathroom and yelled at each other." My wife and I argued on occasion but never in front of our daughter. All I could think of while she told me this story was what this 7 yo child must be thinking . was she afraid? Is this the way people act when they are together? It seemed like some tale out of a Jerry Springer episode. I have always put on a smiling face for my Daughter regardless of how hard it was under these circumstances. <P>Now my wife tells me she has filed for divorce and I will be served Wednesday. I have reluctantly talked with a lawyer. Despite all that has happened. I love my wife very much and would work with her right now if she would only agree to seek counciling for our marriage. However, "that is not an option" I'm told.<P>I feel like such a putz for still wanting more abuse after everything I have been throught in the last three months. I think I can't go on without my family. I have never felt so alone, depressed, helpless and powerless. i can't beleive that it is over.<P>what do I do?

InANightmare,<P>That's how I described it when I was where you are now "a nightmare".<P>See my recent posts to hearbreakinsa under the "Possible Divorce????????" thread. They fit your situation very well.<P>Unless the daughter you "adopted" is your biological daughter, I doubt you will have any say in visitation. Sorry.<P>Sounds like the affair is not that wonderful. Fantasyland closing pretty soon? It looks like your wife is just trying to escape the mess she created by filing for divorce. It's the guilt.<P>Kevin<P>

If he adopted her legally, I would put money on the fact that he certainly DOES have rights to visitation...<P>...anyone else know about this... ???<P>My natural father died and my dad is my adopted dad... he is my dad in every, and I mean EVERY sense of the word!<P>Nightmare, you are a good man for adopting her daughter... best wishes to you... <P>...and I hope she's bluffing... she's in a fog, you know...

new_beginning,<P>I took "adopted" to mean took her as his own, not legally adopted. I also merged that thought with biological daughter; two different topics.<P>In other words, I agree with you.

Up to the top for more advice...<P>