Ok I seem to have finally accepted that nothing is going to happen again between my H and I.. I found out that most of all that he has been telling me has been a lie. He is still living with and having some sort of relationship with the OW.. <BR> <BR>Now.. Finally, I didn't think I could ever not be "in love" with him, but it seems to have happened. Final straw was last week when I caught him in yet another major lie. He is continuing to lie about it and still won't admit the truth. I guess that was the turning point for me. I know that I will NEVER be able to trust him again. I wonder though how all the tears that he cried could be real?? Can he actually care about me and still do these cruel things to me? Guess it doesn't really matter. I still love him and probably always will, but it just isn't the same. <P> Anyway, I am having a very difficult time with how to handle things from here. I have a strong desire to let the OW in on a few things. I am sure she has no idea that he comes over to see me when I am in town. Has even gone out of town with me. Found out today via a cell-phone bill that he called her when we were out of town together.. Funny thing about it.. If she saw his cell phone bill she would probably have a cow. There are probably 50 phone calls to me on it when I was out of town. I am sure that he has been telling her that I called and harassed him... Hum.. The idea sounds so sweet. Then again.. I am a bigger person than that. Should I just let his world crumble in time? At first I hated her so much. I wanted her to feel the pain that I feel when he betrayed me. I blamed her for everything.. Now I see that she was probably manipulated as badly as me. <P> There are so many things that I could tell her. So many things that I could show her. It would destroy anything that they have. Then again, they don't have anything, if they did, he wouldn't be calling me and lying to both of us. <P> Sorry for the rambling. Just feeling very confused as to what to do from here. Wish he would just file and get it over with.

I'm not an expert on revenge. There's a whole "Revenge Encyclopedia" you can buy over on Amazon if you want to know about it. Paladin Press. I am an expert on wanting revenge. And having the means to exact it. And holding back, regardless of the urge (and I think I can keep doing this). <P>The XW made a CD-RW of ... well ... most of what her office had ever done. And forgot about it ... meaning I still have it after the divorce. And when she got through flirting with moving to Milan, she went back to that office. If I send this thing to her boss, she's ruined. Maybe prosecuted.<P>And I'm not getting 100% cooperation with the remaining details of the settlement agreement, although it's a lot better lately. When things aren't good, it leaves me in an uncharitable mood. <P>Wellbutrin helps a lot to suppress the urge. Some people have enjoyed their revenge. Others, perhaps the largest number, have either regretted what they did immediately, or become locked in a descending spiral of revenge and counter-revenge with their former spouse. Meanwhile, patience usually gives you what you want, and taking a hand in it yourself usually fizzles or backfires, unless you're lucky and clever. And even supposing revenge succeeds brilliantly, you'll likely decide at the end that you overdid it, and feel sorry for the ex and guilty too. Will that feel good?

Hi!<P>You know, I could spoil the OP's favorite pastime for him with a single phone call, but that wouldn't accomplish anything.<P>It sounds like he's still waffling. Things can't be that perfect with her if he's spending time with both of you. Or, he's got the best of both worlds. It's very manipulative of him, but as long as he doesn't have to make a choice, why should he?<P>I wouldn't tell her anything. I <B>WOULD</B>, however, tell him to pick one of you & leave the other one alone. I'm sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but you are contributing to your own misery by letting him use you like this.<BR><P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again