Has anyone just started at Plan B and had it work? See i pretty much didnt know about Plan A, so i messed it up by being an A**hole. In the process i pretty much told my stbx... dont call me, dont come see me, i dont want to be your friend. I know that is not really a Plan B. Not even a Plan "anything". But i have not being contacting her or seeing her for a month now. Has anyone did what i did, and it worked? I didnt do what i did in hopes that i would get somewhere with it, i just reacted. <P>------------------<BR>Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.

Hi BioMan,<P>I was a miserable failure at Plan B. Having kids makes it hard!!! <P>Do you have the opportunity to Plan A your wife? Do you have any idea of what her ENs are?<P>It seems to me that part of doing Plan A is about demonstrating to your spouse that you are willing to take responsiblity for your part in the marriage...and to act upon it. Then, when you head into plan B, the spouse has some food for thought, since the changed you is the last impression he/she had.<P>I have no idea what you should do...have you tried to get a session with the Harleys??<P>Maybe you could try to break the ice with your wife by writing some sort of apology for any LBing you did when you reacted to her affair. <BR><P>------------------<BR>--BR<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

I thought I replied to this but my posts have been getting lost lately. I don't like that since I spend time writing long ones!<P>To answer your question again, I never did a plan B. I did do a Plan A. It was the hardest time in my life to be treated so badly and kicked over and over and not fight back. Not stick up for myself and just keep taking it all. But I do think Plan A can work in some cases, and Plan B too for that matter in getting your spouse back. And if it doesn't, and you do it right, you will know you tried and Plan B helps with closure.<P>I'm very disappointed that I didn't do a Plan B. <P>I think from what I remember on your other post a few weeks ago maybe, were you talking about your ex and the new bf at the gym? If so, I would say that its still not too late to do a Plan A. <P>Do Plan A as long as you possibly can stand it. Some people last a month, others go past 2 years. It depends on the person I think. After that, then switch to Plan B. <P>I don't think you are supposed to go to Plan B, unless you've been "behaving" in plan A for a while, so they have all these positive last memories of you,rather than you Love busting. <P>Now its been a while for me and I never mastered either so I could be wrong. I would go over to the Plan A and B board, and start reading and posting.<P>But I'm not sure you should just go to a Plan B without really doing Plan A. Someone over on the other board might help you on the Plan A.<P>Good luck, Dana<BR>