About a month ago, I told my husband that I wanted to separate, because I was not happy. We have never really had intimacy in our marriage, and I wanted my independence. He has never really met my emotional needs, however we are best friends, and we have been through so much, and made it through the worst of times. We are a team. He begged me for a second chance, but I pushed him away. He got his own apartment, and I drove myself crazy because I was so confused about whether or not I wanted him to stay. We had decided that he would move back in. Well one night we were honest with each other, and I told him that I had had feelings for another man. I have never, and will never cheat on my husband but it crushed him to hear that. His ex-wife had an affair, so he is afraid, and has put up a wall of defense. He is now living in his apartment, and I'm staying in the 3 bedroom house we once lived in together. He forgives me for the feelings I told him I had for another, however he wants me to understand that he needs this time to deal with things, and he hopes that one day we can live together again. We are not talking about divorce or anything of the sort. We still see each other and spend the weekends together.<p>I want more than anything to have my husband back home. I know I can make it on my own, however life without him is un-imaginable. He tells me that he knows that I am the only woman that he wants to be with, and the only woman that will ever love him for the person he is. I'm trying to be so strong, and respect his decision, and I hope that he will come home.<p>I cherrish every moment I'm with him, and I told him that I was so sorry for every thinking of a separation, and for putting him through so much pain. He and I both cry, and he asks me to please understand that he really needs this time.<p>I truly believe in my heart that things will work out, and one day we'll be under the same roof again. I love him with all my heart, it's just so hard. No one seems to understand what I'm going through so I don't get the advice, or support I could really use.<p>I pray everyday that he'll come home.<p>I'm not afraid of being alone, I just hope that I can give him the support, love, and understanding he needs, and it will one day bring him home.<p>Any suggestions or any of you who have been, or are going through something similar, your input will be greatly appreciated.<p>Thank you for letting me share my situation.<p>Sassy<br>sassy@katt.com<br>

Hi Sassy,<br>Thanks for replying to my post. I am glad to read someone else's experiance as well. I am at the point where I am needing to emotionally detach from my partner. I love him deeply, but I have to protect myself right now. I don't know how this will effect our future, but we don't have a future today. He does not think it is important to consider my feelings or be honest with me. I wish he did. I have decided to emotionally "divorce" him. I feel I have no other choice. I have enjoyed many wonderful days with him in the past couple of weeks and will never forget them. I really wish we could be somewhere different. I know I could get my feelings back for him & I know he loves me. I want to trust him again, but he isn't giving me any reason to trust him, especially when he is keeping and hiding the trophy photos of the other lovers he has had during our relationship and a stash of condoms (which we never used, and he doesn't need for masterbation). He isn't finished with this part of himself. So I have to be. It is time for me to protect myself. I cannot keep on this emotional rollercoaster, feeling like a human yo-yo. One day everything is great, we are getting along wonderfully and the next he is angry and accusing me of not trusting him. He isn't trustworthy. He continues to put me off, keeping one foot in the door, the other ready to have another lover at anytime. I need some stability in my life, so I am choosing to give it to myself. I'm more important than this. I don't know what the future will hold - I'd like to think it would hold change and happiness for us as a couple, but I think at this stage, it is better for me to emotionally detach, care first about myself and have the faith to hold to the hope that God will provide exactly what I need, emotionally, physically and spiritually on a daily basis. Alone or not, I'm not alone.<br>Thanks for letting me share. I hope your situation improves soon. Luv & (((hugs)))<br>

Lesa,<br>Thanks for your reply.<p>I feel a little like you do.<p>My husband wants some time to deal with what he is going through, and still see me. He doesn't want to shut me out because he may regret it later, but it is so hard for me to see him. <p>I'm not going to shut him out, but I'm not going to beg anymore. He knows how I feel, and I'm going to give him the time he needs, I just hope he doesn't take to much time, everday he is going is a day we could be working on our future.<p>I think you are doing a brave thing, stay strong,,,believe me, I know how you feel, and it's not easy, I cry myself to sleep every night.<p>Keep in touch, and let me know how things are.<p>Hugs back to ya,<br>Sassy

We are just starting our separation. After years of lack of communication on my part, my wife has decided that she needs time apart to think about things. She has told me that she feels empty and is not sure what she feels. My lack of communication was not caused intentionally, but ignorantly. I could say its a guy thing, but that't a big cop out. I now, hopefully not too late, have realized the errors of my ways and am working towards improving my lot (as in counseling/lots of reading). After 8 years (tomorrow!), I never realized my love for this woman was so strong. I am hopeful that all will work, but am all over the board with my emotions. It is interesting to see such a previously unemotional person going through such an extensive self diagnosis. Men, grab the one that you love and share your feelings with her. Listen to her and cherish her regardless of what else is happening. Do not go where I am. Thank to everyone who writes in. It is comforting to know you're not the only one in this mess, regardless of how it started.

DW<p>Congratulations on trying to do something about your marriage and communication skills. I pray everything works out for you and your wife. <p>I've been trying to get my husband to improve emotional and physical intimacy for over 20 years and no luck yet. Printed all of Dr. Harley's articles from this site so he could see that I'm not a b**** for expressing needs that aren't being met. He read it but no go. <br>So I'm glad to know there are people out there for whom it only takes eight years to wake up and smell the coffee. Keep up the good work.<br>

DW,<br>I too am in the seperation phase of my life<br>I never would have thought that I would be here. Three months later things are improving but they are still bad. after my wife's affairs I shut down emotionally towards her. The affection was gone, the communication was gone. We moved tried to start over but my family was not supportive to my wife lived next door to them. Now my wife lives 500miles away. I too have come to realize how much she means to me. The kids are the glue that is allowig me to bury my ego in the face of the hurt my wife continuelly dishes out to me on a daily basis. She is not sure what she wants, feels dead inside, having fun with anybody and everybody she can friends, co-workers, family, everybody but me. We are together for about three days aweek but she works nights so I spend the time enjoying my children trying to help them weather this crisis. When I think about all the rough times we have been thru, all the ggod times that we have shared, all the ups, downs, obstacales I can not picture my life without her nor my children. If I must live without her my life will be a shadow of what it could have been. Why start over with someone else if everything you strive for and work for for so many years is yanked from you in the blink of an eye? I pray daily , thank God for his gifts and for the hardships he has visited upon me for each has a reason. I am twice the man I was three months ago yet at the same time I am half of what I could be with the love of my wife to guide me. God Imiss my family. Woman hear my plea if there is anyway to spare your husband and children the pain of seperation please take it. Vows of for better or worst were made for a reason. Life is hard at times only the conviction that you on in this tapestry of life together can get your family thru the roughest of times. Divorce is not a very good option at all. It kills so many hearts. Both young and old. What is wrong with people why can they not get past the hurt and get on with life? I am so hopeless and scared of life without my beautiful wife. If I wanted to live my life without her I would never have married her nor had children to her. WHY? WHY? WHY?

Beanie & Rustynail<p>Beanie, I appreciate the support. Remember that it is always a two way street also (which I'm sure you're well aware of). This wakeup call (too late call?) has stirred me like never before. Only about 6 years of stupidity on my part (the first two were in the intimacy stage).<p>rustynail,<br>give me an email at tbirdboy@hotmail.com. I's like to discuss in more detail what worked and didn't. Duo support, cuz I know that if you're like me you're pretty much in a zone still.