STBX called me today to ask if I would sign paperwork so that I would not have any rights to the new house he wants to buy. I was so pissed that he even asked me that. I said<BR>"oh you found a house then?" Yes he said but I need to determine if I can afford 500,000 dollars in mortgage payments per month (ie the new house and this one). <P>Is it feasible to think that someone whose income has increased 25% can double his mortgage pyments? This from a guy who always wanted to keep mortgage payments low in case something happened to his income. Now he is willing to double them??? I just don't understand. He doesn't even need a house here. He works out of town 5 days a week!!! A much cheaper apartment or condo would do. He hates doing anything around the house, hates yardwork, doesn't know how to maintain a pool. I just don't get it!! He keeps telling me how much he hates to work and how he wants to retire early. He likes to just pick up and go whenever and now he goes and buys a house? Go figure.<P>Then he asked me if I had called the therapist that our real estate agent recommended? I said no I did not feel that sessions with her would be productive right now as I was still very angry and hurt. Did he really think that talking to someone about my situation is going to make all that go away instantly. If that were the case I would be feeling just great today, I certainly talk here and to my friends enough. I said I wish you could just live one day in my shoes to see how it feels. He said he did understand because he had a gf once for 2 years and when she broke up with him he was devastated. GRRRRRRRRR!!!! I then said it might be easier for me too if I had a cute 25 yr old guy to call up and hear him say I'm sorry that your STBX is not dealing with his grief very well but you know I love you and I will make you happy.<P>I also told him that I was so angry that he did not even try to work on our relationship. I was never even privy to the fact that he was unhappy. He said you know the problem was never you is was me and maybe I did try to fix what was wrong with me for three years. Yeah by going out and forging EA's with women in every town you worked in? Way to go honey that's good therapy. And when contacted by someone who you met travelling in Europe 15 years ago you forgot to mention that you were married and had 2 kids? (she was hinting about her unhappy marriage in the messages, I hate ICQ) <P>I have really confused emotions about him now. I am still saddened by the loss of the intimacy with another and the stability my marriage offered me but wonder if my feelings for him are not fading. He never managed to make me feel truely special during our marriage. That is what I miss and what I want. He could never give that to me and never will.<BR>I doubt that the new person will ever have that either and I feel sorry for her as well. I hope she gets it figured out before it is too late. I feel STBX is incapable of allowing himself to become that involved with another person. There is always a wall there that he uses to protect his feelings that he allows no one to penetrate. Guess I always thought that if I showed him my undying devotion long enough he would eventually get it and let me in. But he didn't and now he is gone.<P>Wow, well congrats to anyone who waded through this long tale. <P>Here's looking to better days ahead....they have to be there right?

Absolutely there are better days ahead, don't you disbelieve that for a second!!! <P>((((HopelessinAZ))))<P>So, did you sign the papers? I wouldn't, but then again, I'm evil! <P>Sounds like he's moving the honeybabe in huh?

Hopeless - I know how you feel - my (now ex-)H never made me feel wanted or cared for either past the initial 2-3 years of our marriage. I don't think he is capable of truly caring about anyone else, either. But OW doesn't mind - she only wanted him in order to have a 2nd income anyway (she had been married twice before). He only wanted her because she had a kid for him to "play Daddy" with (he is sterile). How pathetic they are!! I feel as if my whole marriage was a lie. I loved him unconditionally and without reservation for 18 years of my life and now I see that it really meant nothing to him. I too, thought that if I just tried harder to show my love for him and met all his needs, that he would realize how much I loved him and would reciprocate. But he is incapable of that. This realization has been the most painful part of all of this. More painful, even than the affair, even though the affair was just a confirmation of his total disregard for me. He threw me and our marriage away like some trash he no longer had any use for. As much as I admire Dr. Harley, I must say that unmet needs are not the only reason for affairs. Some people have other problems - unresolved issues from childhood, emotional dysfunctions, etc. that cause them to have affairs as a way to escape their marriages, since they could not end them honestly and directly, and could not tolerate the thought of being alone. I honestly feel that somewhere deep inside, my H realized how terrible he treated me, and knew that in order to salvage our marrieage, he would have to admit these things, face himself and what he had done, and the cruel, cold person he had become in our marriage. How much easier it was to just leave, avoid self-examination and find someone whom he had not mistreated, and with whom he could "re-invent" himself and start over with a clean slate. I really doubt that he will ever allow himself to feel remorse for his reprehensible treatment of me. I realize now that he probably never really loved me, but wanted marriage in order to create a child to satisfy his own ego and to gain his parents acceptance for having the socially approved lifestyle in order to please them. This is so sad, because until he realizes this and decides to live life on his own terms, he will never be truly happy.

Hi HopeAZ,<P>Where is his mental calculator? Battery gone dead? WS on my side actually lost his adapter. When he finally realized that no money does not grow on trees and going under by 30% a month, yep, money talks sometimes louder than we do. It took 3 months but he is starting to listen. <P>Don't sign the papers. Let him figure it out. Just ask, have you done the math? Oh, I am being sarcastic to him, my dear, not you. You have shown that you retain your level headedness despite his fogheadedness (is that a word?).<P>Have you looked at those web sites as posted by Knewjie? I found some info for me. CA laws don't allow much leeway but it did help to know my options. <P>Looks more like he is setting himself up to fail. Do you think he expects you to be there to catch him when he falls? I had to think about that often. H had a pattern of this with his self-esteem issues and all. <P>I want to send a hug and say all will be fine. I am confident that it will be for you but I know that you are missing what rightly belongs to you. While we can not make up for all that here, please stay with us. We will be your friend. <P><<<<<Hugs from me and my little one to you and yours.>>>>> <P>L.

I will sign the papers don't care about the house at all. I really doubt that he will even qualify. But what do I know.<P>Another funny thing about where he is buying the house is it is a pretty exclusive part of town, fits right in with the image of who he wants to be, mostly retired snowbirds live there. Kids will really love being there on the EOW!!! Oh and he gave up golf so why move to a golf community? Are we missing golf after a year?!?!<P>Moving in the honeybabe, LOL lOL, yeah hope she likes living in the desert!!! She has lived her entire life in Norway bet the temp never gets above 70F there. We are already at the 100 mark!!! Hope she hates it and *****es all the time!!!!!<P>Gotta go get the kids and begin the Taxi service!!!