Everyone keeps talking about how affairs have ended or fizzled out, but my problem is that my H is living with OW now. I would like to hear some success stories from people who are in a more similar situation as me. Any suggestions or do they just not have the guts to make that big of a change? Thanks.<P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<BR>

Rachel,<P>I think in the case of Carol and Glenn, Carol actually divorced Glenn and lived with the OP (I'm not sure about that part). And they were just remarried, so there's one success story.<P>It's pretty common for the affair to quickly deteriorate under the situation that your husband is in. My advice to you would be to continue Plan A behavior (loving, no lovebusters) when your husband contacts you, at least for a while. As his affair goes down the tubes, he's going to see you in a more favorable light. The alternative is to cut off all contact from him, letting him know that if he's interested in working on the marriage that you'll consider it. That Plan B scenario is best for you if you can't talk with him without lovebusting.

Still... I got the happy ending right!!! <P>

camarinick,<P>I don't guess it is a success story quite yet, but we are well on our way. My W's affair was fairly short but intense. It lasted as far as I know approx. 3 months.<P>This was August thru October of 1998. I finally got her to admit it on Halloween night. (So the neighborhood kids were dissapointed that night ). <BR>The Slug (thanks Terri) was and is a co-worker. A friend of mine I thought, my W just recently got into that department so she really did not know him.<BR>Anyways, the point I am trying to make is it can work! My W ended her affair immediateley upon discovery and at this point hates the Slug. She does not try as hard as I seem to have to, however I have to believe it would have been a lot easier to escape. It is worth trying if only for yourself.<BR>Check this out the day after W told the Slug she still cared for him but could not continue the relationship (if one could call it that) the Slug moved in with W's Ex-best friend who come to find out was carring on with him the whole time! I guess that helped me in that it aided my W in seeing him for who he really is!<P>Hang in there it WILL get better.

I'd like to hear success stories too. My H is also living with the OW, since at least the beginning of June, says it's permanent, and filed for divorce in April. No signs of wavering at all.<BR>

Nellie; Your story sounds a lot like mine. H moved out on June 6th. He and OW act like it is permanent. OW mentioned wanting to get our 3 1/2 year old into gymnastics. (they are there Thurs night to Sun night every week). Now today, H mentioned having talked to someone about some house deal. (they are currently in an apt). He also asked me to send him the rest of the divorce papers. I finally wrote him an email basically saying that I was tired of being jacked around. I said that if he truly was unsure that I would give him some time to continue counseling and think about what he wanted to do. But if he just wanted to be done, then I would keep going on the divorce. He said that as long as the divorce was pending we might as well keep going but he would stil go to counseling and think. I am sorry but I will not let him have it both ways. I will wait for a while and then finish the divorce( all we are waiting on is a court date). Does this sound reasonable? Or should I just go ahead with finishing the divorce and let him "think" in the meantime? God, he sure does drive me crazy sometimes! Thanks all.<P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<BR>

Not really a success story, but will give you my input. My H moved in with ow for 2 months, he moved back home on June 8th, which I never thought would happen. Things were going real good until recently, he has had contact with her at work and his withdrawal started all over again.. All of a sudden back to the same ole.. I am not 100%, happy, I think I want to be married but dont know for sure etc... yuk... Well, because my H and ow signed a lease together, there has had to be some contact because they broke the lease and they had to figure that out, then figure the deposit money out. We got into a big argument the other day and that is when it all came out.. I said why are you acting like this, you have had contact havent you... Yup sure enough.. Like clockwork.. So right now, we are waiting on the money she owes him (which I could care less about, and we are going to send her a goodbye letter, H is going to get rid of his pager, and get into counseling... I told him, that is what has to happen.. no room for her in our marriage, and as long as he gives only 70% effort to get her out of his life, he will only be 70% happy.. so, just when I thought we were making progress.....whamo... but this time, I am not going to kick him out...I told him if he cant do those 3 things then we need to separate, but he doesnt want to loose me. Said the other day that a divorce would kill him.. Its such a mess...but trying to stay patient yet..