Well this is the "every other weekend" I get to have my precious daughter with me at my home. She lives 125 miles away with her WS mother. It's a darn shame she has to spend almost 6 hours each of these weekends in the car getting here (I meet her 2 timin' ma half way). I really feel badly for my 5 yo in that she spends all this time in the car getting here, and then if we want to go down the shore or do something (which we always do) we may have to spend another 1, 2, or 3 hours getting to where our activity may be. It's a shame her mother can't feel for her like this.<P>How far do you and your kids travel for visitation?<P>Jay

I feel for you.<P>I too have a long distance commute for the kids. I am the CP, but need to take the kids to mom 137 miles away, between LA and San Diego. And since one of our children is not in school yet, we have different visitation for the two. The long and short is that we drive 3,000 miles per month between the two of us to exercise visitation.<P>When I moved down to San Diego to be closer to both of our families, I offered to pay her moving expenses. She, of course, refused. Too important to be around f**kbuddy.<P>It is really a darn shame.

Interesting and very, very sad to have<BR>a relationship that is so selfish that<BR>a parent would actually move so far away<BR>to be with someone that would cause the<BR>traveling to be so difficult for the<BR>children for visitation. <P>I don't understand why any parent would<BR>do that. Why can't the person who is<BR>choosing to move out of the vicinity of<BR>the partner and the children realize what<BR>awful circumstances it places on his or<BR>her own child!?!? <P>After my divorce, I decided to still <BR>live within the SCHOOL DISTRICT of <BR>wherever the children were attending.<BR>There was a short time that I had to<BR>choose a place to live that was out of<BR>the school district but still within<BR>five miles. When my Ex-H was out of town<BR>on business, it was not a problem to take<BR>them to school, just some adjusting.<P>Although living arrangements were a little<BR>unstable for four years, God provided a<BR>place just five blocks from my ex' house.<BR>We divorced, yes, but we did NOT divorce<BR>our children. They go easily back and forth<BR>between the two of us. They are now teenagers<BR>in high school and have equal access to BOTH<BR>of us. They stay 3 days with me and 3 days with<BR>him, and the Wednesday is optional to chose<BR>either place to spend some alone time with either<BR>parent. <P>Why any parent would actually choose to live<BR>miles away and inflict that much conflict in<BR>visitation is beyond me. My heart goes out to<BR>those individuals who cannot seem to separate<BR>the pain of two adults and intentionally cause<BR>unbearable conflict for the children and divide<BR>the children miles and miles away. <P>I am very fortunate to have had a civil divorce<BR>and one that we can still talk effectively to<BR>one another despite our differences. I know the<BR>Lord above has helped us deal with our differences<BR>in order to give our children a positive image<BR>despite our differences and not being able to<BR>make the marriage work. <P>Those of you are choose to move miles apart...<BR>please, please, please reconsider this aspect<BR>of your differences. Live in the same school<BR>district and go on with your life as best as<BR>possible. God will provide SOMETHING. Please<BR>work at this important issue and leave your<BR>hurt and other battles at the Cross. If you<BR>are unable to keep the marriage together,<BR>keep the distance between you as minimal as<BR>possible and live in the same school district<BR>to minimize bus hassles and friendship issues.<P>There is power is preserving the relationship<BR>even if you have to divorce your partner and<BR>protect the relationship with your children.<BR>You will NEVER regret living within a short<BR>distance from each other. That's something<BR>to be counted upon daily!<P>Blessings to each of you...

My H chose to move an hour away to live with the OW, to an area where the cost of living is even higher than where we live. Initially I tried to stay here, when he worked nearby, to make it easy for him to see the kids. He continually cut back visitation anyway, then changed jobs to one very far away. I am kicking myself for not having moved away to an affordable area immediately, instead of making the financial situation worse by trying to stay here. <P>The children get to see him about 12 hours a month, because the OW won't allow him more. He has been unemployed for a year now, and the reduced child support plus my income does not even cover my mortgage payment and food, much less utilities, clothing or anything else. We currently live in one of the least expensive houses in town, so downsizing in not an option. I am most likely going to move quite a bit farther away from him to a more affordable area, and my only regret is not having done it sooner.

My daughter lives with me.<P>Let me continue.<P>Since I had the awful experience of being moved 400 miles from my dad after my mother had an affair, divorce my dad, ran off with the OM and married him, I knew what to do. All of those hours spent on the road and the limited contact with my dad...<P>I have joint custody of my daugther and her residence is determined by mine. I have the final say on all non-emergent matters. <P>My X talks about moving "100 miles" from me (since I'm such a bad guy). I know how to translate this now. Translation: I want to move closer to the OM and since I feel guilty about moving away from my daughter, I want to blame you.<P>I knew this would happen. I lived through it. I had to do everything I could to keep our daughters's life as stable as possible. I knew that if she had the right to determine residence that she would move away and our daughter would suffer. Additionally, I knew that since she is feeling so guilty about what she has done, she would use her power to kick me and blame me. (I'm just such a bad person that I deserve it, right?) I'd spend a lot of my time driving because she chose to have an affair, lie to me and divorce me. I don't even think so. <P>I'm now in a position to keep things as fair as possible between us and I hope that this will benefit our daughter greatly. I haven't turned my X down for extra visition once even though she thinks I am wanting to. We've been able to re-work visition around our schedules to best benefit our daughter. (so that our daughter will not miss out on anything) Has this been easy? Hell no. My X is still psycho. She is still in fantasyland with the OM. But, since I have the final say, I've been able to make things work for our daughter.<P>I live in the best part of town as far as schools go. I live in the same area as most of the people in my field live. I live in a great place to raise our daughter and I'm not moving. How's that for stability?<P>Kevin<P>

I wonder if it has been a consideration<BR>of both partners to make conflicts<BR>easier by living in the same city and<BR>within the nearest possible distance.<BR>Changing jobs to accommodate this conflict<BR>would still be worth it, I think. <P>I suppose if the one who DOESN'T want<BR>child responsibility would be the person<BR>to move away, and if that is their choice,<BR>whether it is the mother or the father, then<BR>I guess you can't really do anything about<BR>someone else's choice. <P>But...to make a CONSCIOUS choice to move<BR>away from the children is something that<BR>should be weighed heavily. If one parent<BR>gets a job transfer after the divorce,<BR>then I still would feel obligated to<BR>transfer myself if that happened to me,<BR>and my husband moved. The relationship<BR>with my children is priority number one.<P>I hope those in similar situations will<BR>bend over backwards for their children<BR>to save this part of the relationship.<BR>People who move away must be ones who<BR>want to avoid conflict, and that is<BR>understandable if they can't get along<BR>with the mother/father of their children.<BR>Trying to look at it from a healthy point<BR>of view, if one can get there at a difficult<BR>time, would warrant staying in the same<BR>vicinity. <P>Those currently in this situation...please<BR>don't move AWAY from your children. They<BR>need you, despite the differences you may<BR>have with the mother/father of your children.<BR>Don't be selfish. Think of THE CHILDREN,<BR>not yourself. Move to a healthy place in<BR>your mind mentally. God will give you the<BR>strength to deal with the conflicts with your<BR>ex. <P>Love your children.<P><BR>

If they were thinking of the children instead of being selfish, they wouldn't have left for the OP in the first place.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Interesting and very, very sad to have<BR>a relationship that is so selfish that<BR>a parent would actually move so far away<BR>to be with someone that would cause the<BR>traveling to be so difficult for the<BR>children for visitation. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Actually, in my opinion, I was being unselfish moving away.<P>We moved, as a family, to Los Angeles from San Diego so that I could attend graduate school. This was a consensual decision among all family members. Our agreement was that when I finished school, we would move back to San Diego.<P>When she left, I could no longer continue school, due to financial and emotional reasons. I made the choice, as the custodial parent, to move closer to family, where I could get the emotional and financial support that my childen and I needed.<P>I moved into an area with a crime rate half the national average, with schools in the top 10% in the state. Would you rather I moved next door to the ex, with a murder rate three times the national average and schools in the bottom 10%?<P>As I said before, I offered and her parents have offered to pay her moving expenses should she decide to return to San Diego. However, she refuses. Her loss.

My xW moved away 20 months ago... <B>today</B>!<P>Moved 82 miles away... 95+ minutes each way...<BR>...to be with the OM.<P>She refuses for <B>me to drive</B> the kids out to her/their condo...<BR>...(oh yes... I am the custodial parent)...<BR>...and refuses my driving the kids for fear of a confrontation with the OM...<BR>...he(OM) loves to call me names... and utter obscenities to me.<P>She is once again finding reasons to <B>not</B> take the kids on weekends...<BR>...and I even offered for her to take the kids for the full Mother's Day weekend... but she said she had plans... so she'll pick them up 10AM Mother's Day... just to bring them back 8PM the same day.<P>I can't force the kids on her. <P>What's going to happen when the courts ask her to respond to the "back child support"... 7 months now and not a dime for them. <P>My prayers... for all parents to find more love for their kids... no matter where in the divorce they are.<P> <P>Jim

My ex lives about 20 minutes away , and he only takes the kids every other weekend for about 29 hours. I wish he would take them more and be a bigger part of their life.<P>My bf lives on the same street as his kids and he takes them every week overnight (yes its hard on me to know they live so close). <P>But I kind of thought if one parent purposely moved that far from the other, it was their responsibility to do all the transportation travel, or a good majority.<P>I could be wrong, but its very unfair to the children and the non custodial parents who want more time. My heart goes out to you. <P>PS Haven't seen your screen name in a long long time.<BR>Dana B<BR>aka lonelymom

ouch ouch ouch!!! I was the one who moved away (70mi) and took the kids. I moved to be near my folks. I had been a homemaker and homeschooling mom and I needed some help to get on my feet. He was the WS, and I did not do it to punish him but there was not the school issue to think of -- they had NEVER been to school before. So wherever they started would be new and stressful experience. We agreed on the school and both signed the enrollment agreement. Fortunately I am able to work there too, and it is the best of a bad situation. But I feel badly because he is a good father and I don't want to limit their time with him. My income was nil until school started -- 4 months after I left -- and support money comes when he gets it, but not regularly. So I feel badly for taking them away from him. You all are making me feel badly for my choice. Was there really another? Quite possibly. But this was all I saw at the time. He sees them every other weekend with regularity, but seldom calls during the week/weekends to talk with them. Well, (pout) something else to feel guilty about. I don't know what I could do about it now. I do try to cooperate in carting back and forth for the sake of convenience to both of us -- sometimes meeting half-way, and sometimes taking them over and bringing them home, regardless of our legal agreement. But that does not assuage the guilt of taking them away.