I have previously posted regarding my husband calling. When he does (and it had been some time), he will ask how I am doing, then go into how sorry he is for all he has done, and end by ruining a perfectly good apology (leaving me again without any peace).<P>How wierd, but I had just finished replying to a post from BrambleRose re:the ph. call she had just gotten from her h. No sooner did I hit send, but H called. <P>I have been experiencing several "knocks" lately and have been feeling quite beat up. But, I am real good at finding different things to keep me up beat and looking forward. <P>Anyhow, my h (divorce is final on Monday!!!! Oh my God), called me at the beginning of the week and just now. This is odd, because we have communicated very minimally since I moved out. Basically, I come home from work and every now and again a pile of mail will be under my mat. When he called the first time, he asked if everything was okay. I just said yes- If he only knew how loaded that question was! He wanted me to know that he would be sending me some money that he owes me from the divorce settlement. Since I get very emotional talking to him, I kept my responses short and upbeat. Meanwhile, inside I am torn up. There really wasn't any "business" reason for him to call me (that is what he said the reason for any contact would be for)<P>Today, another call. He was really delving into my well being. One of my current problems is my car (mind you, he drives around in a brand new LEXUS that has always received the best of maintenance and then some). My husband was always very selfish and he always put his needs first and foremost, the cars are just one example of this. Anyhow he was asking how I was doing financially and I said okay, and he wanted to know how much the car would cost to fix. I told him the amount ( ), and I said that I will work it out-he doesn't need to concern himself. <P>He said, Petrie, I am always concerned about your well being and I want to help you. Part of me wants to tell him, that I don't need his help. I can and will do it on my own. I wanted to tell him; I needed you to be there for me as a husband, and to follow through with all of the promises you made me, let alone our vows to each other. <P>He also proceeded to tell me what a louse he was and has been, what a top notch person I am, how our friends couldn't have picked a better Godmother for their son, that I am beautiful inside and out, and to not doubt myself. Right after he says all that- he tells me to not call OW (he calls her by name, and that hurts big time), he says that would cause alot of problems. Excuse me, wait just a minute-how many times do I have to tell this man, that I have no need to call her and why can't he just leave me in peace. Again, he can't just let it lie, can't he just show me a little kindness and leave it alone already.<P>I still have some things at "our" house, he told me not to worry about it. He told me that my roses look beautiful, the inside of the house doesn't. I reminded him that our divorce is final on Monday. I was crying at this point. I asked him if he was doing okay, he said; okay I guess, I spent alot of years with you Petrie. <P>He is showing concern for me yes, but with strings attached. He doesn't want anything to jeopardize this new relationship and wants to feel that he is doing good by me. I just don't know what to make of this. <P>I'm going to the Dodger game tonight with a male friend! I picked up my car from the shop, paid by check not credit card and all of my bills are paid. I will be okay, I will be okay. <P>Mabey he is concerned about me, hey, mabey he wanted to hear my voice, who knows-can't get into his head.<P>

You just go to that Dodger game, pamper yourself and get wild out there. Forget about what happened a bit today with your very stbx and just enjoy yourself. Man, he sounds like he has some regrets... oh, and another thing... allow yourself to enjoy the compliments he gave you about being a wonderful person. Those are yours... and coming from him, maybe they mean something maybe they don't... just enjoy them.<P>God bless you and have fun! You GO girl! Ciao!<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once

To get rid of his guilt, he's going to have to do better than that. I guess he hasn't learned that yet...<BR>

Rejected,<P>Your STBX and mine are working off the same page right now. I wonder why he has to be like that as well? Somedays I think that mean and horrible would be easier to deal with.<P>(((((((((((((Rejected)))))))))))))\<P>BTW you are not alone today, there are lots of sad posts today <P>I just got off the phone with another lawyer. I don't feel that sad today but I'm sure by the end of the weekend I will be a bit down. Look for me then.

There have been alot of sad posts today<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Hugs all around!!!!! <P><BR>

Hi Petrie ~<P>At first when I read your post I thought...maybe he's having second thoughts...<P>But then I remembered what selfish people are like! Sounds like your stbx feels guilty, and trying to assuage his guilt when he calls you. He isn't concerned with your well being, he's trying to make himself feel better, and thats why the anxious "Don't tell anyone, don't call OW" comments. What a truly horrible thing to say - no care that what he is saying hurts you!<P>If he was calling out of true concern, true care or true doubts, he'd not be so worried about what everyone else thought about what is a private conversation btwn man and wife!!<P>(((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))<P>I'm so sorry he's hurting you like this.<P><P>------------------<BR>--BR<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

Petrie,<P>It's me, that never give up person.<P>Petrie, praise God, He is blessing you so much. Your husband does feel guilty. He takes part of it back because he isn't to the point of giving his shame to the Lord.Not yet. Thank him for his kind words. What I would give for my husband to say I was beautiful inside and out. I have prayed for this for so long. God is working in him. Please receive the blessing. I praised God all through your post.<BR>Don't let Satan steal this from you. <P>I have several of the restore min. tapes. In one of them Erin tells about how hurtful it was to hear OW name. She prayed for God to deliver her from having to here this from her husband's mouth again. The next time he was talking about the OW he called her "old whats her butt". She said he still will not speak this name because he doesn't want to hurt her.<P>You are hearing knocks. Yield to them. You are doing great not contacting him and see it is driving him crazy. He loves you. Don't let bitterness take over. Show him love. Unconditional love...that means even when he is hurting you. God still loves us when we are hurting Him.<P>What ever it takes. I know you see these things too Petrie. <BR>Sometimes we just need to here them from someone else.<P>Priase HIM always. I know just how hard this is to do.<P>gentle<p>[This message has been edited by gentle (edited April 27, 2001).]

OvrCs,<BR>Thanks!!! I had a terrific time last night at the game and I will take the complements from H and run!! <P>Bramble,Hopeless,Gnome,<BR>Thank you for the words of encouragement and understanding.<P>Gentle,<BR>Thank you for being that never give up person!! Even your username is comforting <P>You are right about being thankful for the kind words my husband said to/about me. People all around me tell me what a top notch person I am and are uplifting to me, but who I really want to hear it from is H. I try to find little joys and embrace them whenever I can and praise God for giving them to me. I harbor no anger or bitterness, and for this I am truly thankful to the Lord. I had started to cry while talking to H, he continued to talk to me (mind you, he shows no emotion), but he went on to ask me about my family one by one. That was a blessing, because I wanted so badly to share about my nephew Noah-he is such a joy to me and he was born at a time in my life when I was so low, I truly think he brought me back from edge.<BR>I will focus on the positive.<P>Thanks gentle.<P>Love and prayers to all<BR>Petrie