Hi All,<P>With the weather finally turning nice you would think that we would all be getting out of this slump but I see by the posts that many of you are feeling like me. <P>My EXH called today. We were discussing finances ect and in the conversation I inadvertenly called him,"dear". That is what we always called eachother. I didn't relize I had done that until after I hung up. He then later stopped by to drop something off and I apologized for calling him that. He looked at me and said I kind of liked hearing that again. In away it made me happy but it made me mad also. This man remarried OW2 one month after the divorce was final. Now he tells me he misses hearing me call him dear. <BR>I really wish we wouldn't have had that conversation today. <BR>Later I was driving home and I saw him and her together and I just lost it. I try to tell myself I am fine and thatI don't love or want him anymore after all he did to me but it's days like this I know I am just lying to myself. I know that this is a grieving process and that you go through these times but I guess I am just not a paitent person.<P>Thanks for letting me vent a little.<P>Jill <P>------------------<BR>live for today for there may not be a tomorrow

I hear you... hummmpphh.<P>Did you know...<BR>...you're still loved... (by so many here)!!!<P> <P>Jim

I know exactly how you feel....sometimes I do just fine then days....I just fall to pieces.<P>It is not helping now that OW is trying to infiltrate into my kids lives all the time.<P>i tried to go to Lowes today...and myX's car was there...so I turned around and went home...I am not up to seeing them together anymore than I have too.<P>I asked her not to come to my home ..she comes with X to pick up kids...now my oldest daughter is driving OW's car today to go out of town....<P>Some times I wonder how I got into this divorce mess....<P>Then I have to remeber He left...I had NO choice...I almost sold my soul to put us back together...<P>It seems so unfair, that they can go right on with their life...seemingly happy, with a new love, no responsibilities of the kids full time..just when it fits in their schedules...<BR>It makes me mad that he takes the trash out now...because he never did here<BR>It makes me mad he has a cleaning lady...because he said I could never keep the house clean enough but he never hired one for me...<P>I could go on..<BR>I am sorry that I am venting on your thread...<P>I accidently called my X Honey...and I thought he was going to ridicule me and laugh at me....it seems that he calls the new woman that all the time...<P>It hurts...I try not to think about it...but it hard to sometimes...<BR>Hang in there.

Thanks NSR!!!<P>My 3 kids- That is fine vent all over my thread!!!! It helps to know that I am not alone.<P>Boy do I know how you feel about EH doing chores around the house. Mine never did anything, now he cooks and cleans, does laundry ect. It makes me feel like all I and the kids were to him were his personal servants. <P>I too almost lost myself to his insanity, did everything I could to save the marriage but it wasn't good enough. Now EXH is living in what was once our house with new wife and her kids. He has alot of money because she makes alot of money and here I am working one full time and two part time jobs just to keepy head above water ect. He is only paying me 400.00 a month for child support for three kids but yet they just bought a new Dodge Durango, put new wood floors in "our" house and just bought 5000.00 worth of new furniture!!!!!!!!!<P>I feel better now, no more missing him for awhile it's back to being angry again!!!!!<P>Jill<BR><P>------------------<BR>live for today for there may not be a tomorrow

I know exactly how you feel!<P>This past week, I was at the X's apt., dealing with a problem that D had with a bus driver at school. X was on the phone and said "well, my husband is taking her to school today..."<P>I had to suppress the urge to say "um, EXCUSE ME?"<P>A few sentences later, she said it again!<P>I figured she just did it out of habit, and if not, I'd best let sleeping dogs lie.<P>It made me feel really strange, though.

jillybean,<P>You are so not alone!!!!<P>Most of the time I am proud of myself for making it on my own with no help from my (as of this Mon.) XH. And in all actuality can pretty much keep anger at bay. Knowing as much as I do about what my husband did, has done, and continues to do for the OW- It is amazing that I haven't become a bitter, angry, vengeful person. I take it as shear "God's grace".<P>There are times though, and several lately, that I have been put to the test. Inevitably something will happen, like XH calling (see prior posts), he is nice then cruel (I wonder if he even realizes it??) Having a real bad day, and trying as I might to turn it around, and then bumping into him-Mr. smug, I am so happy with OW, just getting my shoes shined, Lexus washed, life is so goooooooooooood, persona! It is enough to send one over the edge. <P>Thank God for MB, where else could we vent and be understood? <P>"Honey" was our term of endearment. It would roll off our tongues as if it were our names. It would slip out from time to time during this mess, by me of course-not him. I'm not sure when it stopped for him. Wow, how sad is that realization- <P>Okay, better turn it around now!!!!!!<P>After going through the hell we have all gone through and continue to endure-----I just know that the happiness will come and it will be so so so sweet.<BR>This time will pass!!<P> Petrie<P>

Jill,<P>I have made that mistake before. He also said it was OK. They probably like feeling like they still haven't lost that tiny bit of us.<P>My ex is marrying OW next year. We no longer talk as much and I also have to see her at drop off's with the kids. Its a tough situation.<P>To my 3 kids, <P>Long time no see, how are you? I used to post on lonelymom,and haven't seen your name in a while?<P>Dana<BR>

I have been around...I just have not posted in a while...<P>It seems all I would do now is vent about X and OW.<P>I am busy with my job at school and going to college at night to get my teaching certificate. I filled in for a teacher for 2 months on my own as her daughter is fighting cancer...so compared to that my life should be easy.<P>It seems that the OW is being more accepted by my kids and I feel sometimes that I am very jeolous...like she is taking my place...which I know is silly. But she is doing everything to make them like her. I know that it is all show and she will show her true self soon..but it just disgust me.<P>X just called and refered to them as WE....a year ago it was me and him as WE...<P>Do you think sometimes you are doing great then BAM the pain comes back and bite you in the butt...It almost makes me mad that he still has the power to upset me.<P>I am not dateing...I am almost to the point where I think I can. He officially left (for the last time and never came back in June of 2000) thought the real mess started in Sept of 1999. So this next Sept it will be 2 years since the word OW related to my marriage and you would think I would have moved on by now....20 years of marriage is hard to let go.<P>I am so glad that you have a relationship..and I hope down the road I am able to have one again..I miss companionship...I hate to think I will be single forever.<P>There is a very nice man (neighbor) and he is divorced. He is a great person...but it seems to be cold and hot as far as being friends with him goes. One day he talks my head of and the next he does not say a word...So it is like...am I seeing too much into his talking to me...or am I being pushy...this whole single business again can wear you out second guessing yourself...<P>I guess you did not expect this long of an answer when you asked how I was doing. Sorry so long...<BR>I will try to post more often...I do like to read your post..I miss the old timers (as I refer to the ones that went throught their pain with mine at the same time)I am sorry to see so many newbies...<P>Thanks for asking about me!

For 17 years it was Honey. When we would call each other by name it was disturbing. So now with the OW, he refers to her as sweetheart, just as she says to him. ( Of course she is always refering to him as "soulmate" so original. Have not seen him refer to her as soulmate. (due to email snooping I am so aware) Makes me gag.<P>I have a summer to go through which H says he must try and see if OW is "the love of his life". But when Sept. hits and he has not made any changes... I think it is time for me to. I have been doing my best at Plan Aing, but I am so tired of the pond scum treatment. <P>I don't believe hate is right, but righteous anger may be what we must feel. I understand we want to love and honor our commitment, but God has allowed us to be released from this, it's called adultery. WS has defiled the M, and we should be angry and turn our backs on this evil.<P>Strange how upset WH was when I said that I want "God to give the two of them what they so justly deserve, in his justice and mercy"<BR>He was shocked, said "I thought you were a good Christian." Why is that statement so upseting? Do you think he knows what they deserve and it is not good?<P>Anyway, call them whatever makes you feel comfortable. Let them deal with it. I still call him Honey, think it is a good reminder. <P>I can see the wisdom in endearing yourself to nausem, then, withdrawing. Has a lot of shock value, not to mention ego shattering. <BR>Plan A, Plan B. Kind of a sweet revenge.<P>Take care guys, WE try, they escape.<p>[This message has been edited by whatami (edited April 30, 2001).]