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#688635 04/29/01 10:25 PM
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I am experiencing many emotions right now. Today is such a weird day, I am feeling quite meloncholy. I knew all along how long it took to become final, and try as I might to prepare myself-----I'm not ready. I live alone so no one has to see me when I am down like this and I can cry when I want and turn the music up and dance all I want. Whoa does that new U2 CD ever hit a chord with me (did Bono experience a breakup??)<P>I have been constructive today (I'm am one of those anal people!) My place is totally clean and organized. Hung some pictures up rearranged some furniture. Trying to get comfortable. <P>I'm going to wear one of my favorite suits to work, I have lunch plans with co-workers-boss taking us out for such a great month! My best friend is then taking me out for dinner. I find that I am really grasping for even little things to look forward to.<P>I will put my best face forward, like usual. I am just thinking about what all this means and where my life is right now. It is at a place I never thought I'd be. Divorced at 32. I tried and tried to work it out, I really did. But, it takes two and he gave his heart to another and had nothing left for me.<P>He can't take the memories from me and he can't erase them from his memory either. Someday, he'll have to let them surface and deal with what he has lost. I won't preoccupy myself with him-just forge ahead. No I'm not angry or bitter, just real real sad at what is no more. <P>I really wish I could share my feelings with him. But I shouldn't right? What would it do anyway.<P>Does anyone here understand this. This huge wave of sadness that has taken me by storm. I mean, it feels like the wind has been knocked out of me (again). Is it a temporary set back? Part of the process?<P>Sobbing,<BR>Petrie<P><p>[This message has been edited by REJECTED (edited April 29, 2001).]

#688636 04/29/01 10:51 PM
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It's really pretty simple; you're dealing with a death, the death of your marriage.<P>There was so much hope on the day you married, now it is gone.<P>I'm in the same position as you; BS. I did get a sick feeling in my stomach when I signed the paper, but now I feel much better. <P>Hopefully, you did everything you did to save your marriage. I know I did. It's too bad it takes two signatures to get married, but only one to get divorced.<P>(((((((((((((((((REJECTED)))))))))))))))))))<P>My days get better every day and so will yours.<P>Kevin<P><p>[This message has been edited by father of 1, husband of 0 (edited April 29, 2001).]

#688637 04/29/01 10:55 PM
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I am so sorry for your pain and that your divorce is final. I have never gotten a divorce, but I imagine I would grieve all the good, bad and ugly after it was final. I would probably feel, whether justified or not, a sense of failure. <P>No, I would not talk to your ex about all this, unless you have that sort of relationship where you two talk every so often about serious things.<P>{{{Rejected}}} Take care and do take pleasure in the small things.

#688638 04/30/01 12:00 AM
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((((((((Petrie))))))))<P>Sorry that things are not going good for you right now. My thoughts and prayer are with you.<P>Griz

#688639 04/30/01 05:28 AM
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Oh Petrie, <P>I know this will be a difficult day for you. My heart is so heavy thinking about it. <P>Here's to better days ahead.<P>(((((((((((((((Petrie))))))))))))))))))

#688640 04/30/01 07:44 AM
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{{{{{{{{{{Petrie}}}}}}}},<P>You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Jim

#688641 04/30/01 07:51 AM
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((((((Petrie))))))<P>Sending love, hugs, and understanding... we've been there...<P>... and personally, I'd share those feelings with your ex, if you feel safe doing so... I did... as he did with me... there is a comfort in shared pain. But that's your choice, depending on the kind of relationship you've had over the course of the divorce process.

#688642 04/30/01 08:29 AM
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Hi Petrie,<P>Having a good cry is a wonderful, emotional release, and it really is part of the recovery process. A divorce may not be the the death of a marriage, but it certainly is the funeral ceremony. And it is part of the grieving we must go through.<P>The ex undoubtedly found some place to shed his tears too. There will come a time when you may want to share that information with each other in a healthier setting. If you want to let that wait for awhile, it won't hurt a thing. <P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Petrie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} <P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper

#688643 04/30/01 08:38 AM
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Petrie,<P>I was there 6 days ago - for lack of better words - it sucks. I also live alone (except for my dog) and my house was indeed the cleanest it has been in weeks! All part of the process. Try to go with your emotions, don't sock them away. Feel sad - feel exhausted - BUT don't feel like a failure. Be proud of all you did to try and save your marriage. Know that if the day ever comes for you to stand at an alter again and make those vows, KNOW that you will be able to recite them with full confidence that you can uphold them through the toughest times.<P>Now is the time to stop focusing on your spouse - you can still love him and care about him, but take the focus of your life off of him (I know it is tough to do - It was for me). Focus on your daily routine - it gets easier and after a couple days you will begin to feel your strength returning - It is currently happening to me.<P>I'll keep you in my prayers today.<BR>God Bless,<BR>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

#688644 04/30/01 08:52 AM
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((((((((((((((Petrie)))))))))))))))<P>Prayers and hugs for you.<P>--BR

#688645 04/30/01 09:53 AM
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Petrie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I know how much you tried and tried and tried to make this marriage work, and I also see how far you've come since the day you first logged on here at MB. You are a smart, pretty, interesting, intelligent woman, and I think you are starting to believe that a little yourself now. <P>We're here with you all day, and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers every minute.<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

#688646 04/30/01 10:13 AM
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Petrie,<P>As someone who will be going through taht experience in a couple of months I can only imagine the pain. I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. Here's a big ole Kansas (((HUG))) and a peck on the forehead. With all the support from our friends on this board I'm sure that you'll make it through this point.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-

#688647 04/30/01 10:46 AM
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Thank you everyone, your words of kindness and knowing that I am in your prayers really gives me the support I need-I just got to the office, and I can already tell that it is going to be a tough day.<P>My XH called me early this morning. I was already upset so his call didn't make me any more emotional than I already was/am. I think it was a God's send. He was very sweet and gentle. He told me how deeply sorry he is for everything he has done. He told me that I was better to him than anybody ever has been, and that all of this was his fault. We talked and shared for awhile, he let me cry. I was kind and gentle to him-I really can't be any other way. We have been through too much together, and no matter what he has done, I care about him and wish him well.<P>I know that I gave my marriage my all and did all I could to save it.<P>Today I begin a new chapter in my life.<BR> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P><BR>

#688648 04/30/01 11:01 AM
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*Hugs* You've come to what we all fear and will face at some point. I can imagine how youre feeling. Be extra nice to yourself today. *hugs you again because she doesn't know what to say*

#688649 04/30/01 11:43 AM
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Hi... so glad you had that conversation with you H this morning and that you were *free* to be yourself. I hope that your lunch goes well! I pray that you will be *blessed* by God in a special way today... I pray that you will keep your eyes open to HOW He will bless you and even more... that you can somehow be an encouragement to someone else today - in spite of your terrible circumstances.<P>Take care.<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once

#688650 05/01/01 06:14 AM
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((((((((((((Petrie)))))))))))<P>What you are experiencing is another stage to the feelings the divorce brings. I had a lot of ups and downs that first week after.<P>Do what you can to keep your spirits up. Stay busy, try to have fun and try not to get caught up in "what could have been". Thankfully for you there are no major holidays right now, I was divorced right before all the holidays hit and it was hard.<P>My ex told me much of the same thing yours did. It did nothing for me but cause more hurt. If I was so good to him, then why was I replaced?<P>I've moved forward now in ways, but still have issues that arise, and life is still a roller coaster, so enjoy the good times as much as you can.<BR>Hugs, Dana<BR>

#688651 05/01/01 09:57 AM
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by REJECTED:<BR><B>...I know that I gave my marriage my all and did all I could to save it.<P>Today I begin a new chapter in my life.<BR> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Amen. That's how I feel now too. I keep telling myself that the finalization of the divorce is just the death certificate for a marriage that is already dead, but I suspect the final blow will still be pretty hard. <P>I wanted to echo the sentinment to do something nice for yourself. If you can, spoil yourself a little. You deserve it.<P><P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

#688652 05/01/01 03:06 PM
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Rejected,<P>I feel your pain...((((hug))))<P>I'm kind of on the opposite side of it now though...I'm ready for this whole nightmare to be over...yet stbx is pulling some 11th hour stunts trying to drag out a divorce that he wanted...go figure. I'm hoping to have mine final by Friday...I'm sure it will hit me later that it is a sad day too, but for now, I'm looking at it as relief.<P>Stay strong.<P>Lisa (aka Soon2b)<P>

#688653 05/04/01 11:28 AM
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by REJECTED:<BR><B>I am experiencing many emotions right now. Today is such a weird day, I am feeling quite meloncholy. I knew all along how long it took to become final, and try as I might to prepare myself-----I'm not ready. I live alone so no one has to see me when I am down like this and I can cry when I want and turn the music up and dance all I want. Whoa does that new U2 CD ever hit a chord with me (did Bono experience a breakup??)<P>I have been constructive today (I'm am one of those anal people!) My place is totally clean and organized. Hung some pictures up rearranged some furniture. Trying to get comfortable. <P>I'm going to wear one of my favorite suits to work, I have lunch plans with co-workers-boss taking us out for such a great month! My best friend is then taking me out for dinner. I find that I am really grasping for even little things to look forward to.<P>I will put my best face forward, like usual. I am just thinking about what all this means and where my life is right now. It is at a place I never thought I'd be. Divorced at 32. I tried and tried to work it out, I really did. But, it takes two and he gave his heart to another and had nothing left for me.<P>He can't take the memories from me and he can't erase them from his memory either. Someday, he'll have to let them surface and deal with what he has lost. I won't preoccupy myself with him-just forge ahead. No I'm not angry or bitter, just real real sad at what is no more. <P>I really wish I could share my feelings with him. But I shouldn't right? What would it do anyway.<P>Does anyone here understand this. This huge wave of sadness that has taken me by storm. I mean, it feels like the wind has been knocked out of me (again). Is it a temporary set back? Part of the process?<P>Sobbing,<BR>Petrie<P>[This message has been edited by REJECTED (edited April 29, 2001).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm in the first stages of separation and can only ((((((Petrie))))) you right now. There is no hope for mine and see the stages we're going through as a necessary evil you are suffering that someone else created. Just know that everything you are doing is putting one foot in front of the other and to hold on to yourself and your faith and know that somewhere there is an end. We all love you and keep writing....Stay planted, Love, kabee3<BR>

#688654 05/04/01 11:33 AM
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Thank you kabee3, <P>I really needed that right now!<P>Hope you have a great day.<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] Petrie


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