I was with my ex husband for 6 yrs before we got married and then we were married for 9yrs after that.During our marriage he was unfaithful to me several times and was verbaly abusive. After our daughter turned 5 I decided to seperate till he could get the name calling under control and to try to treat me with some respect.He was never abusive to our daughter.In fact he's a wonderful father and is always there for her. We were seperated for 3 yrs and finally divorced 1 yr ago. during the whole time we were seperated we continued to date and sleep with each other. There was a lot of back and forth fighting and jealousy when one or the dated anyone new. also I found out that my husband had felt he was still in love with his first love even when he had married me.He looked her up after we seperated and dated her for a while only to find out there was no feelings left for her. We then decided to work on our marriage and agreed not to see anyone else. During the time we were working on our marriage he met another girl and started seeing her. When I found out he said that he guessed that he didn't love me as much as he thought. So I finished our divorce. my husband had filed for divorce 1 month after I first left to try and scare me in to coming home.But through the time we were seperated he always asked me not to finish it off.We have been divorced for a year and he has been seeing this girl for that whole year. In that time I stayed away and didn't interfere. but now we have become friends we get along great and do things for each other and talk on the phone.He has said that he doesn't want a relationship with this girl and is going to start dating other people.I have started to miss him very much and keep thinking that we have both grown up alot and wonder if very many people ever make it a second time around. I still feel like I love him and I think he still cares for me though he hasn't said so. Also he has stated to attend church on a regular basis and seems to have gotten his temper under control and seems to have his life on the right track.

Kathy - <br>I've seen it happen both ways. My sister and her husband divorced for a year and a half. They talked - went thru some of the things you talk about - and ended up back together. They are now remarried and have been for 4 years and have a much better, stronger marriage than they did before! BUT, they agreed to marriage counseling before they made any commitments to remarry and they did that. Both grew up a lot, both give and take more than they did before, and though they still have arguments, like any other couple - both heads are on much straighter and its working extremely well. I also had a close friend who remarried her ex husband only to find out a year later "he changed" back to his horrible ways like he was the first time. They divorced again. I think it depends on the "people" involved and what they are willing and ready to do, give, and take. Its all about commitment. Your either going to commit to working at the marriage, or you don't. <br>When I divorced my ex 10 yrs ago - it was after a lot of trying and discouragement for me. (drinking, other women, etc) all played the parts till I would no longer take it. <br>I am remarried now and have been for 7 years. My ex (like yours) has changed so much. He attends church with our kids when its his weekend, coaches their ball teams and is a great dad. He's been thru women a dime a dozen. He still drinks (at times). I too, have wondered time after time what would have happened if we'd of gotten back together (for us and for our kids who have all hurt) - but have never acted upon it for fear of returning to the problems that tore us apart. Thank goodness that isnt an option for me - because I am sure I would have tried for the sake of the kids and our lives - but I can almost guarantee that the man would return to who he was. I'll never know. If you feel you owe it a chance - go for it - but be aware and don't get burned in the long run.

Thank you for responding. I told him yesterday how I was feeling and at first he was in a great mood and didn't dispute that he had feelings for me, but today he called and said that all of this was making him uncomfortable and he didn't feel the same way about me. But then he asked me to back off for now because he still had not told her he wanted to see other people and he had learned his lesson on doing that kind of thing.<br>(what does for now mean?) do I try agian later or not? then he said he was afraid to ruin this good friendship we have developed and he didn't want either of us to get hurt. If he doesn't feel the same way about me how can he get hurt? Another thing that bothers me is that even though we get along over the phone and he treats me alot different, when ever we are face to face and talking he won't look me in the eye.As a mater of fact he looks at everything but me. Is it because he can't stand me or is he affraid he might feel something. Is he just scared or should I take him at his word and move on?

Thank you for responding. I told him yesterday how I was feeling and at first he was in a great mood and didn't dispute that he had feelings for me, but today he called and said that all of this was making him uncomfortable and he didn't feel the same way about me. But then he asked me to back off for now because he still had not told her he wanted to see other people and he had learned his lesson on doing that kind of thing.<br>(what does for now mean?) do I try agian later or not? then he said he was afraid to ruin this good friendship we have developed and he didn't want either of us to get hurt. If he doesn't feel the same way about me how can he get hurt? Another thing that bothers me is that even though we get along over the phone and he treats me alot different, when ever we are face to face and talking he won't look me in the eye.As a mater of fact he looks at everything but me. Is it because he can't stand me or is he affraid he might feel something. Is he just scared or should I take him at his word and move on?

Thank you for responding. I told him yesterday how I was feeling and at first he was in a great mood and didn't dispute that he had feelings for me, but today he called and said that all of this was making him uncomfortable and he didn't feel the same way about me. But then he asked me to back off for now because he still had not told her he wanted to see other people and he had learned his lesson on doing that kind of thing.<br>(what does for now mean?) do I try agian later or not? then he said he was afraid to ruin this good friendship we have developed and he didn't want either of us to get hurt. If he doesn't feel the same way about me how can he get hurt? Another thing that bothers me is that even though we get along over the phone and he treats me alot different, when ever we are face to face and talking he won't look me in the eye.As a mater of fact he looks at everything but me. Is it because he can't stand me or is he affraid he might feel something. Is he just scared or should I take him at his word and move on?

Thats so wierd that he acts that way - my ex acts exactly that way. On the phone at work or at home he is so kind and nice, but in public, he acts afraid to face me eye to eye or talk to me too much. On the phone, he'd talk all night. I don't get that one either - but am glad to hear someone else gets that response. Maybe a guy out there in this situation can elighten both of us! <br>As far as letting him know your feelings, I think you did the right thing. Definitely. Maybe he is a little afraid, confused and doesn't know what to do. Let time take its course and don't rush things. Maybe both of you need to just think about things and see what happens. Maybe just letting him know your feelings is enough for now and just sit back and see what happens. I would move very slow and cautiously with him anyway, taking only baby steps and see how it all flows. Let me know how things move along!