Well, H just called back after he read the "documents" and again says if I give you everything you ask for I will have nothing. I can't afford a lawyer. We can just sit down and come to an agreement. I said We can't even agree and to your living arrangements, how we going to agree on other things. He says, You know we are getting a divorcxe, save us thousands of dollars. I told him choices have consequences. Oh, so now you are going to make me pay for my choices. No , I am protecting my interests and the interests of the children. No your not. You want me to live in the gutter.<P>I read a thread where some one talks about putting up the shield to let things bounce off you and I am trying but some of those spears get thru, and hurt.<P>I told him he was no longer going to control me and tell me what I had to do and what I should want. <P>I do not believe that I am hurting the kids. OUr whole life changes because of HIS decisions and I have to go along with it. If I am hurting the kids, please someone tell me. Your life falls apart, your H has 2 A, lives with someother family that our kids think is their 2nd family, he feels I should just go out and get a job, even though I have been home raising our kids for the last 5.5 years, give him what he wants regarding possessions, be nice and friendly (which I have been most of the time in between being hurt and crying; I should just get over it) wants me to live in this house(for the kids sake), only pays the mortgage and car, doesn't give me $ for anything else, tells me it is my fault he left the house (oh he said well maybe I should move back in) I said and then what, continue living like you are with your other family. Walks around with his head held high because "I tried for so long to make you happy and feel loved" that i deserve to be happy now. I am happy but hurting too. He also suggested again seeing the same psycho that we saw for the kids and I said sure. He said Are YOU going to listen to what he says? I said ARE YOU? He won't make the appt.<P>So, I guess all this hurts is because I still want my marriage but I can't have it. I know it is over in my head (90%) but my heart is still there. I am not a bad person. All the things he wants are his snowmobiles, guns, hunting camp, tools, truck. All the stuff HE bought for HIMSELF. I get furniture and house that WE bought for US. I don't have any such STUFF for myself. He always called me cheaper than K-Mart. LOL<P>I need some encouragement here.<P>Hopelessmom

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hopelessmom:<BR><B>I told him choices have consequences. Oh, so now you are going to make me pay for my choices. No, I am protecting my interests and the interests of the children. No your not. You want me to live in the gutter.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>It looks like your husband is confusing payment with punishment. Choices <I>do</I> have consequences. He made the choices, but he wants <I>you</I> to pay the consequences so that <I>he</I> won't have to, and now he is accusing you of punishing him because you refuse to go along with this plan.<P>It isn't going to do <I>either</I> of you any good to let him get away with it. It won't do you or your kids any good to be a doormat, and evading responsibility won't help your husband build character.<BR>

That seems to be standard proceedure for the WS, mine griped that he's being crucified for having one affair....As if I even wanted the divorce or refused to forgive him. I don't understand it at all.<P> Don't let your stbx guilt you into taking less then you need, they will try but you have to stand firm.

Dittos to what Gnome and Nduli said. He wants you to pay the consequences. If you give in and drop the lawyer, then your kids will suffer when you are unable to care for them.<P>A fact of life: It takes alot of cash to operate 2 households. He should of thought of that before deciding to remain with his OW.

Funny timing...I just sent this response to my stbx's diatribe of the day...<P><BR>"I no longer care what you think about me or my motivations. You wanted this divorce, you wanted to cheat, you wanted to put our children into broken homes...you reap what you sow. Do not email me your opinions...from this day on I will only acknowledge things dealing with the kids or court issues."<P>Sound familiar...I wish they all realized how unoriginal their behavior really is.<P>Lisa (aka soon2b)<P><P>------------------<BR>I am woman...hear me roar...okay - meow...okay - purr? Hey, I'm working on it.

Dear Hope,<P>You are not a bad person. You are in the plan B mode and it does not feel good. Unfortunately, plan B requires patience and this is hard for most of us (self included). But for the sake of yourself and your family, you must protect your family's interests. <P>That is when I started using the 'tough love' techniques. While it does not work for everyone and the timing has to be right, it does show stability. This was important to my H and maybe to yours. If yes, then read the book if you can and see what may help. <P>Still looking for that chill pill to end all ills. I feel a bit poetic today. Guess I will stick to working with numbers. <P>Remember what we know about you. You are a good mom and wife. The right people (H) is not recognizing this important FACT for some dumb reason. That does not change your family's needs. Therefore, you need to move forward and stand your ground. <P>This is something I firmly believe in. Why should we plan our lives on a person who is not acting like he has his family's interests at heart? They may say they do but the proof is in the pudding. <P>Support is here for you. You are on the right track.<P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P>ps: Thanks for the vote of confidence in the other post this morning. Feeling a bit wobbly (must be the after effects of waffling).<P>

My WS said after we agreed in mediation, and tied up some final loose ends, "This isn't fair!" i just held my tongue, but she wants it, its her show, tough luck!<P>She even said she wanted this done by summer so that the kids have a good summer. Huh? since when do the kids want us divorced?<P>Oh, it must be so OM can vacation with them in his camper, the one i didn't buy soon enough, or couldn't agree which one with her.<P>"It isn't fair!" f*** that!<P>

WIFTT - what exactly did she mean by "this isn't fair?" Man, the logic of some people simply astounds me! Anyway, hang in there... sorry for your mess.<P>------------------<BR>We cannot do everything at once... but we can do something at once

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by On*My*Own:<BR><B><BR>"I no longer care what you think about me or my motivations. You wanted this divorce, you wanted to cheat, you wanted to put our children into broken homes...you reap what you sow. Do not email me your opinions...from this day on I will only acknowledge things dealing with the kids or court issues."<P>Lisa (aka soon2b)</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Lisa,<P>Odd, I got the very last part from my WS (stbxh)! He doesn't want to talk about anything except kid and court.<P>~Amy<P>

It means her lawyer wants to go before a judge to earn some money, even though i have legal precedent by the court for my argument. X's lawyer used a slight variation to try to convince her, and my lawyer has argued this point before and won. Its pretty straight forward.<P>So she is complaining to me to make me feel bad for doing this to her. she loves to complain to make herself feel better, FOO trait.