My marriage of 4 years is falling down around me. Over the past several months my husband is insisting that I have 'hard core' sex with him. I am VERY uncomfortable with this. I feel he is 'using me' rather than 'making love' to me. I enjoy our sex life (or I did till now) and although my husbands 'sex drive' is VERY high, I have had no problem with it, and have never 'turned him away'. When I 'shyly' refuse to do the 'things' he asks, and sugguest we do something less 'drastic' but new, he gets angry and says "Just forget it then!" I feel very hurt and confused. More so since he told me "if things don't change, I'm outta here!" This is SO out of character for my husband that it is almost unbelievable. We have always been totally devoted to each other. The only 'sexual' problem we have ever had is the fact that he CANNOT be affectionate without wanting sex on the spot!. We can't just 'cuddle' or 'kiss'....it ALWAYS has to lead to SEX! PLEASE advise!?!

RP,<p>Sounds like your husband has been immersing himself in some hardcore porn. It has that effect. At any rate he has no right to put this kind of burden on you. It is very inconsiderate and selfish. I suggest that you, as reasonably as you can, ask him to calm down and consider waht he is doing to you. If he loves you he can at least do that. But if he wants to be totally selfish, threatening you with leaving, I would not give in. Remind him that he may be able to find a woman who will do anything sexually but it won't sleep next to him every night or support him at times in his life where only a wife can do so.<br>My wife and I have discussed the things couples say they do in bed, oral sex and the whole nine yards. To those who enjoy those things, great. We have been very sexually satisfied without them. Many people pump themselves up to believe that all this stuff is soooooo stimulating when in fact it cannot replace a good old fasioned session of genuine LOVE making.

I think that it is important to note the numerous instances, even the recent Super Bowl incident, where upstanding Christian men have gone outside of their marriage for one primary sexual activity....oral sex. We can sit and say that they are all evil perverts (though the Bible is silent on the matter, even some experts say that it is condoned in Song of Solomon)and watch our Christian marriages fall apart, or realize that there are compromises that can be made. There are areas that are not proper, but they should be determined by the couple involved. Oral sex hurts no one and is pleasurable. If neither of the couple want it..by all means avoid it, but if one does, neglect that desire at your own hazard.

RP:<br>I suppose I should start by saying that I think ANY sexual activity between a husband and wife is OK, given the following: a) It's just the 2 of them; b) They are discreet (private); c) Neither is being hurt; and d) They are both willing (not coerced).<p>Bruce is probably right in that your husband is viewing porn, and wants to try some of what he's seen. Or maybe he's just bored with whatever you've been doing up til now, and wants to spice things up. Unfortunately, when you were reluctant, he resorted to lovebusters: angry comments and selfish demands.<p>He also has a common male way of thinking: cuddling and kissing lead to arousal, which leads to sex! It's ALL affection to most men, whereas women tend to view sex as separate from affection.<p>Maybe some negotiation is in order here: You need hubby to do something which does not come naturally to him, that is, show you affection at places and times that are not simply a prelude to sex. And he needs you to do something which may not come naturally to you: engage in some different sexual activities he would like, within the above guidelines.<p>When each of you learn to do something different in order to please each other, you've got a win-win situation! <br>

I think your husband is looking at hardcore porn also. Just check the history of your browser (Internet Explorer/History). I think porn takes all that peripheral stuff God created to enhance sex and capitalizes on it while striping out the really important stuff, i.e. imtimacy. Your husband somehow has to take a step of faith that the intimacy is the route to go and not the hardcore acts. If he just wants oral sex than I would probably think he's just bored and wants to try something different. But this sounds a little more graphic. <br>If he takes a step of faith I think he/you marriage will be rewarded.